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Discussion Starter #1
I've been in a relationship with a ISFJ male for around a year. There are positives to it but I find that some issues keep repeating themselves and am wondering if they are type related.

Communication is probably the key issue - I don't find it stimulating enough or very deep. It's basically come to 'hey how was your day, what did you do.' He can also talk about details for a long time and I find it hard to keep up. Our jokes and senses of humour are also different and the unfortunate result is that we don't laugh together much.

The other key issue is that I feel that he is somewhat apathetic and takes a long time to make changes. I'm the type of person who needs change (more so growth) from time to time even if it means I have to kill myself in the process lol. He is 37 and ten years older than me, living at home, with not a lot in savings. He has had some bad luck financially but I'm really over going to his parents house. It feels odd. I have addressed all of the above with him and I feel that he really doesn't know how to change things. He says he needs a few years to save up for a deposit and is hoping day trading will make him successful (he has been dabbling in this field for years now).

I am wondering if the above is type related and does it have potential to change? Hope to hear from those who have dated a ISFJ and ISFJs themselves. Thank you.
 

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As for the communication concerns. That seems to be a fairly common thing among the SF and NF types. Humor I think is debatable, I'm an ISFJ and I've got a fairly dark/mean sense of humor at times. Him making changes could be unrelated to to his personality type. I know that if somebody cares about me enough to straight up tell me I need to make changes to myself then I'll do my best to make those changes for myself. It may take me time but I'll work on it. At his age he may very well be set in his ways and very hard to change or feel that growth is not something he values. I personally value growth so I try to be the best I can be. If I can be of any more assistance. Feel free to PM me.
 

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I'm INFJ and I was in a long-term relationship with an ISFJ. We were very compatible, but there were some quirks. We even went to couples counseling together. The therapist told us that the communication gap was mostly due to us being two introverts, and not necessarily type related. One of our challenges was her ISFJ desire for repetition and familiarity vs my INFJ need for new experiences and personal growth. Mostly, we met in the middle and complemented each other. She became more worldly, and I became a little more grounded through the relationship. As an ISFJ, she didn't read people nearly as well as me, and we'd sometimes argue about the true intentions of our friends and family. Being a people pleaser, she would continue to take shit from dysfunctional friends and family when I was ready to door slam. Most frustrating for me was the ISFJ dislike of introspective self-analysis; she would get visible angry when pressed to analyze her own behavior or take simple personality tests. This was a big rift between us, and the initial counseling session was very hard on her when she had to face the reality of her culpability for many of our issues.
 

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Thanks for your reply. Do you mind me asking what were the final reasons for it ending?
I'm starting to think that we are not that compatible. I dated an ENFP once and I actually found we were more compatible in the sense that we freely shared our emotions and ideas. My bf at the moment also doesn't express emotion so it's hard for me to gauge what he is actually thinking.
 

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Thanks for your reply. Do you mind me asking what were the final reasons for it ending?
I'm starting to think that we are not that compatible. I dated an ENFP once and I actually found we were more compatible in the sense that we freely shared our emotions and ideas. My bf at the moment also doesn't express emotion so it's hard for me to gauge what he is actually thinking.
The final straw was a fundamental difference in our love languages. She was geared toward quality time, and me about physical touch. Our physical relationship was lacking, and we had become roommates more than lovers. We were both very attractive people, but she was never particularly sexual with me or anyone else. She saw my hobbies and personal growth projects as a threat to her quality time. I'd spend maybe two days a month away from her doing my thing with a bunch of dudes, and she resented me for it. I basically gave up this interest and restructured my life, spending months on end devoted to speaking her love language. She was more important to me than this hobby, and I didn't resent giving it up. My choice. However, after several months of speaking her love language, she made zero effort to speak mine. I had expressed my feelings and frustration to her many times, and she'd simply refuse to give it much thought or make any change lasting more than a few days. It was like having the same argument time and time again. I grew increasingly bored and frustrated until I threw in the towel and called it quits.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The final straw was a fundamental difference in our love languages. She was geared toward quality time, and me about physical touch. Our physical relationship was lacking, and we had become roommates more than lovers. We were both very attractive people, but she was never particularly sexual with me or anyone else. She saw my hobbies and personal growth projects as a threat to her quality time. I'd spend maybe two days a month away from her doing my thing with a bunch of dudes, and she resented me for it. I basically gave up this interest and restructured my life, spending months on end devoted to speaking her love language. She was more important to me than this hobby, and I didn't resent giving it up. My choice. However, after several months of speaking her love language, she made zero effort to speak mine. I had expressed my feelings and frustration to her many times, and she'd simply refuse to give it much thought or make any change lasting more than a few days. It was like having the same argument time and time again. I grew increasingly bored and frustrated until I threw in the towel and called it quits.
Wow that is actually a major issue in my relationship as well. I actually have started to think he doesn't like sex and this makes me depressed as I start to feel like I am not attractive even though objectively people will stop and comment that I am a lot more attractive than him.
We actually had a talk yesterday and he said that the constant on and off again status of our relationship had changed his feelings for me as I never seem happy. I agree but I haven't seen much change from him so I decided that it's best that we both part ways.
 
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