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Discussion Starter #1
There's already another older thread in the ENFJ forum, but I guess 'cause there aren't as many ENFJ's around, it doesn't get much love :(

I was wondering what you guys thought of an ISFJ/ENFJ compatibility.

More specifically, how does an ENFJ male go about woo-ing an ISFJ female? The stuff I've read seem to agree that I need to be patient and take it slow. Arrgghh, that is going to be so difficult for me at this point. :crazy:

Also, she's super busy all the time with her schedule.. with work, school, random other things she does without me :tongue:. My ENFJ desire to socialize with her and take her out to places is getting killed by her schedule!

Any advice would be much appreciated.
 

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If there's lots of health, and a sx 9ish or 2sh termperament involved I'm so there in theory. So I guess that's a definate initial thumbs up of the idea. The reality I've no experience of, and a future of cat lady life ahead, so past that I can't give you advice - if I did, it'd be the general E/I differences and stuff.

But if I were to land myself in a fictional world...

Sorry I don't have much to add.
 

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Well I'm a 2 type... I'm not sure about her, though. Probably a 6ish, maybe.

And thanks at least for trying. XD
 

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I kinda already posted on the other thread about this, and I know they're both kinda old threads now, but since I'm trying to figure out the same question, I'll keep talking, and if you have any tips that an isfj girl could use for an enfj guy and you see my post maybe you could help me out too if you wanted?

Patience, yes. Patience is good. We don't like rushing into relationships. I personally like to be sure that the relationship is good and will last (at least, last for a long time) before I go out with anyone.
But the more I talk to and hang out with the person, the more of an opportunity I get to see their personality and figure out if I think starting a relationship is a good idea or not. The more a guy who's interested in me hangs out with me, the more I like them. So be friendly! :3
I have lots of trouble opening up to people, but the last guy I dated was very easygoing and really listened to me and showed he accepted me and cared about me and my thoughts/concerns. He wanted to hear and help, and he wouldn't tell anyone what I told him. I loved that.
You know the saying, do unto others? I try to treat everyone, especially the people I like, as best as I possibly can. Why? Because I hope that one day someone special will do the same for me.

Now, I don't know about the other isfj's, but as much as I value tradition, I love romantic surprises. I'm a dork who dreams about those fairytale fantasy moments. I guess my friends probably wouldn't think so, though. Its kind of a secret of mine. As long as the moment is well thought out by the other person and isn't embarrassing (which it might be if its in front of people I know well who would give me grief about it later) I think it's wonderful. And anyone who plans and carries out a super sweet romantic surprise must genuinely like the person they're doing it for, so I feel like its a way that person could really show me that their feeling for me are real.

But yeah, maybe that part's just me. I don't know.

As for her schedule.... hmm....... well, I always tried as hard as I could to find time to be with the last guy I was dating. He hardly ever had time for me though, so I know how hard it can be when the person you like has a super busy schedule. I would say start small. Find something that she likes to do that doesn't take much time. Isfj's like traditions, so maybe you can find something small to do with her that you can do every day, or week, or whatever works best for both of you. Then if that goes well, you can start adding more things.
Hope that helps. If you are curious about anything else, let me know and I'll try to help as best as I can. :3
 

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Sounds just like me. We do take forever to get into a relationship. We'd have to be friends for a long time so that we can build trust with someone and feel comfortable.
 

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I agree with ToriBond...as an ISFJ, we are slow to open up just because we like to be sure we can trust someone just cuz we don't like to get hurt especially if it leads to a relationship and then fails. Once we're in a relationship, we are committed to you. You have our heart and we would never ever think of anyone else or ever cheat on you. I guess you could say we're kinda like true-blue lovers. We strive for a long-lasting relationship. That's why we don't rush into a relationship if we don't feel like we can trust you and especially if we don't share similar values. Trust me, even when we're quiet and far away from you, we're thinking about you. But patience is key. I don't know about other ISFJs, but I like my space. I need time apart from people (regardless if it's a bf or friend) just to breathe and "re-charge" my batteries. It has nothing to do with the person we date or simply hang out with, it's just how our personality is like as an introvert. And that's something an ENFJ has to understand and compromise with.

Looking back, dating an ENFJ was the best relationship and happiest relationship I've ever been in. He was also very easy-going and easy to talk to. A big sigh of relief since I felt I could trust him with my feelings and open up to him. We seemed to complement each other well and loved each other dearly. We both tried our best to work out time to see each other with our busy work schedules. We always scheduled a date that we'd see each other next (we were kinda in a semi-long-distance relationship (2hr drive)). But we managed to work time to see each other. I still struggle moving on with my life knowing it's over. But one thing I had issues with an ENFJ is that they can be too controlling/manipulative and things I did for him seemed to never be "enough" for him. They seem to get bored to easily and seem to be never be satisfied. I kinda felt as if I had to constantly "jump higher and higher" to make him happy to show I loved him and it got exhausting. I truly loved the ENFJ I dated and was happy with him. We had a very loving relationship and got along really well. We actually hardly argued and enjoyed each other's company. As for wooing, tell us why you love us (for who we are)...that's very meaningful. Simple random texts telling us you miss us and love us go a long way. It's not hard to impress an ISFJ. You don't have to go overboard, just simple things can be enough. And you'll have our heart. We are also the type that we work so hard to make you happy too. Sometimes too hard. Which can be our weakness. We tend to give more than we take, because we care about you and want you to feel loved since we get our satisfaction from this. But if we start to feel like you're not giving/sacrificing as much as we are to our relationship, we start to shut down, and get insecure/anxious. You'll notice it when we have conversations. We won't be able focus and truly explain/articulate it is what it is what we want to say when you speak to us about an issue. That's the moment when you need to understand that you have to gain our trust again and make us feel comfortable so we can fully explain the problem to you if you care and love us. (Tell us something like "baby I care about you and noticed you're nervous/upset..just relax and tell me what's bothering you.") I wished my ENFJ bf was more understanding and picked up my body language, but instead he said "huh? what?" and got defensive and cold. He changed and wasn't the easy-going and understanding man he was earlier in our relationship.
 

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. But if we start to feel like you're not giving/sacrificing as much as we are to our relationship, we start to shut down, and get insecure/anxious. You'll notice it when we have conversations. We won't be able focus and truly explain/articulate it is what it is what we want to say when you speak to us about an issue. That's the moment when you need to understand that you have to gain our trust again and make us feel comfortable so we can fully explain the problem to you if you care and love us.
This is something that I feel ISFJs shoot themselves in the foot. Because we are so observant of people's unspoken languages, we expect others to be the same and pickup our non-verbal signals. If we notice that they don't, we assume that they don't care for us and this, in turn, pushes us further away.

Unfortunately, sometimes people are just not that in tune with their observations.

A better approach might be to let them know that "Hey, when I'm pulling away, it means you did something wrong, but I can't trust you enough to tell you, so you need to show me that you care so I can feel comfortable enough to tell you".

Even though I suggest this, I'm probably going to distance myself the same as you did if I were in the same situation as well...
 

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I don't know about other ISFJs, but I like my space. I need time apart from people (regardless if it's a bf or friend) just to breathe and "re-charge" my batteries. It has nothing to do with the person we date or simply hang out with, it's just how our personality is like as an introvert. And that's something an ENFJ has to understand and compromise with.

Yes, I love and need my space too. Which was a HUGE problem with my ENFJ.

But one thing I had issues with an ENFJ is that they can be too controlling/manipulative and things I did for him seemed to never be "enough" for him. They seem to get bored to easily and seem to be never be satisfied. I kinda felt as if I had to constantly "jump higher and higher" to make him happy to show I loved him and it got exhausting.

It did/does feel like it was always hard to make him completely happy. I too also felt like things were never enough. I actually resulted in actually writing down things to remember to do and say so that I am keeping up with all his "requests" lol
 

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I found this on a website that might be useful for anyone dating an ISFJ in trying to understand them and/or woo them...

"Tread gently

The main point of differentiation between an ISFJ and the closely-related ISTJ type lies in the opposing keywords, Feeling and Thinking. While making decisions, an ISTJ personality is likely to put more emphasis on objective principles and impersonal facts whereas an ISFJ personality would lay greater store by the feelings and concerns of the people involved. So if you are interested in impressing a guy or girl of this personality type, make sure you are careful of their feelings. Treat them with as much love, tenderness and respect as you can. Always be emotionally available like sharing in their joy when they have achieved something or offering a supportive shoulder when they are feeling blue. If you do on any occasion come off as insensitive, brash or uncaring, it might be quite some time again you may be allowed into their world again.

Be mindful or how you treat others

The importance that people of the ISFJ type place on feelings makes them caring and gentle not only in their romantic relationships but also quite conscientious where others are concerned. People - their feelings and points-of-view – are quite important for ISFJs and they dislike those who roughshod on others or are unmindful of how others feel. So when out on a date with an ISFJ partner be careful of how you treat the waitress at a restaurant or an usher at the concert. In fact the ISFJ type is particularly compassionate to those who are in a less fortunate or less strong position like the kids, the sick, the elderly or animals that are wounded. Coming off as rude or petty may create a bad impression on your ISFJ partner which you might find difficult to remedy later.

Appeal to their romantic side

The easiest way perhaps to the heart of an ISFJ partner is the old-fashioned one. Court them in as many romantic ways as you can. Woo your beloved with flowers and chocolates or with drives on moonlit nights and walks on the beach. Snuggle up with your sweetie by the fireplace while you have some soft music playing in the background. While many of these activities may seem clichéd and well-worn to you, for all those belonging to the ISFJ type, they are important ways of feeling cherished and cared for in a relationship."

Good luck! Hope this helps!
 
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