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Discussion Starter #1
What ISFJ think of their children? What do you expect from mother daughter relationship?
How do you show affection to daughter? How do you show dislike to daughter?

3,734 Posts
I'm surprised this thread has no answers yet. I'll give my 2 cents, these are my credentials lol:
- I am the daughter of an ISFJ man.
- My brother-in-law (aka ISFJ's son-in-law) is an ENTP.

What ISFJ think of their children?

Me & my sister are my dad's raison d'être. Even now that we are adults in our 30s, we are still little girls to him and always will be. We have always been his nº1 priority in life, above his own needs. In fact, he constantly forgets his own needs and then finds himself annoyed and frustrated because he overworks himself to be there for us at a 200% and forgets to take care of himself.
He doesn't like other people's children, he avoids children in general. He doesn't even like his own nephews and nieces, he is nice to them but prefers when they're not around. But his own children... he's obsessed with us hahaha xD

I used to have a best friend in high school whose mother was an ISFJ too. This mother was obsessed with my friend, and behaved in the same exact way as my father did with me.

What do you expect from mother daughter relationship?
I don't know about mothers, I can only speak about father-daughter.
He expects:
* Appreciation and love.
* Respect.
* Quality time together.
* Attention. Feeling heard and seen. That we listen to his endless monologues (this is super hard because he's a chatter box and Ne makes him go on pointless tangents that makes us want to fall asleep). If we dismiss his monologues by not paying attention or rolling our eyes, he gets hurt. He will not tell you that he's hurt, he will just go somewhere private to sulk or maybe even cry. Give attention!!!
* Emotional connection (as above, give attention!).
* Patience with his clingy tendencies.
* Praise and compliments every time he does something well. Compliments make him light up like a Christmas tree.
* More attention!!! Call on the phone. Text them. Sit next to them on the sofa casually. Pat on the back. Smile at them. Be there.

With my ENTP brother-in-law it's the same thing. ENTP is quick to give ISFJ compliments, and ISFJ feels super happy and as a consequence is always doing acts of service for ENTP. When ENTP receives the act of service, he compliments ISFJ and is very enthusiastic, which in turn fuels the ISFJ... and it goes on and on in circles. They fuel each other.

How do you show affection to daughter?

*Acts of service. Constantly. They're always quietly doing something for you. They listen intently to what you're saying, and they will pick up every tiny detail of what you speak, and they will quietly go and get it done for you without necessarily telling you about it. They just do it. From the little things to the big things. Always a step ahead of you.
(when I say "they" I mean my dad actually lol I don't know if all ISFJs are like this).
* Hugs. But the problem is I'm not a hugger. My dad wishes to hug me all the time, but I've pushed him away so many times for so many years, that he doesn't even try anymore. But my sister is a hugger, so he's always chasing her around for hugs exclaiming "aaayyy my little giiiirl!!! you've grown so much" xD When I was growing up, my dad was always hugging me, kissing my forehead and cheeks, picking me up, putting me on his shoulders, carrying me around everywhere, super touchy feely. He's sad that I've grown up and hate being touchy feely. If I decided today to hug him, I'm sure he would have a heart attack due to extreme happiness.
* Quality Time. He always wants to watch movies, drive the car somewhere, go hiking, go to a museum... anything as long as we're together.
* Thoughtfulness. He's always thinking of the daughters when he's out grocery shopping or doing errands. He buys little things like a tablet of chocolate, or a tin of cookies, or a pack of colorful pens, small things and then gives them to you pretending it's not big deal "Oh they're nothing, they were just there and I thought maybe you would like it" when in reality he's always thinking "What can I give next?" it's always give give give with them. But don't be fooled by their downplaying "oh this is no big deal, it didn't cost me anything". It is totally a big deal, and if you don't apreciate these litle things, it's hurtful because you're taking them for granted. Never take ISFJs for granted.

What he does NOT: Words of affirmation. He never gives his daughters compliments, or praise, never says I love you, or I miss you, nothing. Words are not a thing.

How do you show dislike to daughter?
* He stops doing things for me (stops Acts of Service). Stops paying attention to me, and stops being my support system. If I ask him for a favor he says No, and "You're on your own. Figure it out".
* Silent treatment.
* Ignores me.
* Picks up the phone and calls someone else to complain about me (he never complains about me to my face. He's bad with direct confrontation).

95 Posts
I'm surprised this thread has no answers yet.
There aren't many ISFJ parents around these parts.

I could only comment on the inverse, of being the ISFJ son of an ENTP father.
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