Personality Cafe banner

ISFJ wild side?

1995 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  Archilochus
I have always thought of SJ women as prissy, judgmental, and not much fun--"Church Lady" being an extreme example. (I realize that's an unfair stereotype--I'm still learning.)

Now I'm dating a woman who appears to be a classic ISFJ. She's a nurse who deeply cares about people and family. She loves to cook and sew. She has an introvert side that needs some private time.

But what surprises me is that when we are together, this ISFJ woman can really bust loose! She loves to go to a local tavern to drink beer and listen to music and dance! She likes to smoke pot, and she can smoke a lot! She has a hot tub!

At first I thought I just mistyped her, but I have been a MB enthusiast for years and am pretty good at typing people, and other potential types (I had thought ISFP) don't match at all. She really does appear to be a nice ISFJ nurse who loves to cook, sew, and party!

If I'm not flattering myself, some of this behaviour emerges when she is with me because she really likes me and trusts me and feels safe with me and she knows I really like and admire her. (She doesn't have any substance issues as far as I can see.) And I enjoy going out and having a good time with her, although I must say, she can easily out-party me.

Also, she grew up in a small town where partying like this was pretty much the norm, as I understand it, if for no other reason than there wasn't much else to do.

(I should mention that we are both in our early 60s, but nothing like dead yet--we are both trim and athletic and comparatively youthful.)

Something else that was a pleasant surprise is that she is remarkably sensual and loves sex. I guess from the MBTI perspective, that must be her S and F manifesting. (And again, I flatter myself that some of that is because she loves me and trusts me.)

ISFJs (or anyone else): Any comments, cautions, suggestions for how to make her happy, things to avoid? She is great lady and a kind person, but also much more of a character (she can be impish) than I would have guessed by the "SJ" in her type description!

Thanks for your insight and assistance.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Yeah, I'm not religious. I like the general caring vibe around religious events and people (who aren't too crazy) though but I could never commit myself to it. My mom (ISFJ) is religious and all her family are but we were brought up in a non-religious town so that was more influential than family. My elder brothers are INFP and ISTP who do their own thing and have their own mind so that also helps.

Teens-mid 20's I liked bars and music and meeting people. I've tried weed several times but I suffer from migraine and migraine got to me before the highs did, so not sure if I would actually enjoy it because I've never got that far. But I do know other ISFJs who enjoy pot. I've tried some other drugs but only once because I felt I was missing out. I'm not a risk taker at all in that context (unless it comes to alcohol, then I can be really bad and really stupid - but I guess that's because it's legal and socially acceptable and it's not seen as dangerous even though it totally is!). My worst vice is actually gambling/bingo/lottery - but even then I feel bad at spending maybe £20 which could be seen as acceptable to others. We have higher standards for what is "risky".

Oh and I SOOOOOOOO wish I had a hot tub!! I love hot tubs!! I find warmth and bubbles to be very comforting to me.

The type people commonly type me as when they hear this from me is ISFP too. The assumption is that an ISFJ can't swear or smoke or drink or have sex. If you know me I'm very Si dom. This is my typing thread you can see if any of that fits your ISFJ

I really hope at 60 I'm able to be so carefree - I find as I get older (ok I'm only 26) I do get a little more care free and less rigid. I feel like I would be the older I get as I have less to lose? My anxieties come from not being able to achieve the future I want and partaking in risky ventures which would deny me that.

And yes when I'm with someone I trust wholly and really like (which does NOT happen often) I'm very open and I let my weird side come out. That also means my "freaky" side n sex.

As I'm not as carefree nor in her age range it might be a little difficult for me to give any advice but I'm glad that you're open to learning her real MBTI and the right ways to treat her than giving into stereotypes and assuming she is something she's not.
> I really hope at 60 I'm able to be so carefree
I wouldn't say that she's exactly carefree--she has a job with responsibilities and bills to pay and even though her kids are grown and gone, I know she worries about a couple of them. But I do think she is happy. She had kids like she wanted and a good marriage, though it eventually ended after decades. Because she is caring I think a lot of people care about her. She has also taken good care of her health and exercises regularly, so she looks great and can still go hiking and be active. And I think it's easier to feel sexy when you stay trim and fit...
> I love hot tubs!!
OK, so another ISFJ hot tub lover. The sensing side, I'm guessing.

> And yes when I'm with someone I trust wholly and really like (which does NOT happen often) I'm very open and I let my weird side come out. That also means my "freaky" side n sex.
That's very helpful. I suspected that was the case--that it's not just that SJs don't have a sexy/freaky side, just that it's not as readily accessible as with, for example, an ESFP...

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.