Hiya , do any of you have trouble walking away from bad relationships? I know several ISFJs who seem stuck in bad relationships unable to leave them out of a sense of duty and love despite not being treated well. Can anyone relate?
I definitely have huge issues walking away from a relationship, even when it's screwed up to the max, or I know that I am unhappy. I don't know that I would define my reasoning or difficulty leaving as a "duty" but maybe that's what it boils down to.
In the first instance that I am thinking of, I dated the guy for over three years. He was my first lover. I loved him so desperately that I'm not even sure I could ever match it - there are a lot of reasons for this that I won't go into! Anyways... I had this sense of never being enough for him, never being good enough. I always aspired to be perfect for him because I never wanted him to leave me. If there were faults in the relationship I always perceived them as my fault and felt that I had to do better to make things right. In a sense, it was my sense of duty to be good enough that kept me with him. It wasn't until I was away from him and away at school that I was able to extricate myself from the intense need I felt for him. Once I got away from him physically, I was able to think more clearly and mature emotionally. I began to recognize (with the help of a friend, whom actually posts here) that he was emotionally manipulating me and everything that I did.
Aw, I'm sorry! I think I'm asking this because my ISFJ friend is engaged to someone and I think he's wrong for her, she really believes she's in love with him and is desperate to please him, very much like you're describing above actually, and I have a feeling it's wrong for her, but I can't really say anything, because she's not a very close friend and I can't really just go up to her and say "why are you marrying him?!".. but I do think I'm right about it.
One of the hardest things to do is to convince an ISFJ that you're right when it comes to love. When we fall in love, we fall hard, and no one but us knows our partner like we do. I've fallen into this trap quite a few times. I blindly love people that have not been the best for me, and I can't help it. I truly believe that I see them as they really are, and that everyone else is just a fool. It's a hard thing to admit, but I know it's true. Only hindsight ever shows me the real person that I've loved. Even then, I still love that person for what they were to me.
LOL yes I've had this problem
My sisters helped dragged me out of a bad relationship 5-6 years ago. I was emotionally manipulated also like "Lady K" to some degree c_c so now I'm semi-paranoid kinda sorta, I question motives behind something and try to think ahead not all the time just when things seem suspicious.
I've been fortunate enough to never really get taken advantage of too badly, but I have clung to things when everyone else could see the other person had checked out of the relationship. My sentiment is very similar to Lady K and Ichimar, I fall hard! And because of past rejections and perceiving myself as the reason behind failed relationships, I'm very cautious too. It's like a kid clinging to the bar at the top of a slide, just not sure whether I want to let go, because if I do I'm going for the whole ride and there's no coming back until I've hit bottom. That's kinda cynical, but the past experience. I do however believe I can learn to have a balanced and happy relationship in the future. Lessons have been learned and overall, I'm feeling optimistic in this part of my life.