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Fe-doms care way more about other people than I do. I mean, I care, but when I'm around others, my every thought is not automatically directed at them, and their response to me. Doing that for any length of time wears me out. They think on a much more global plain than I do, and have a great deal of trouble detaching from and analyzing the people they care about, whereas I can manage it easily. (Granted, I Si/Ti loop a lot.) By that, I mean ... they are very socially active. Activist types. We must care for the poor! Do something to help them! They are the champions of every cause, and out in the forefront all the time. Quick to leap in and meet people, much more open and even blunt in their assessment. If it hurts people ... wow, watch out.

But... we both wanted to be liked, affirmed, and approved of. We both want to be socially appropriate and look for cues from others. My automatic response is not to think of myself when something happens, but the other person first. Whenever someone dies, I check others for their reaction long before my own grief settles in. I'm uncomfortable watching a show or a movie with someone if I sense that they are not enjoying it, or something pops up that I know or suspect will be offensive to them. It's easy for me to see through other people's eyes, leech off their feelings (cry if they cry), etc.

I am often thinking of how others will respond to me... if they will be offended by anything I say or do. I write and re-write, and re-word e-mails to make them as appropriate and soft as possible. I'll often take the blame if something goes wrong. And, I can moralize at other people with the best of the SFJs.

"You're a hunter, eh? How does it make you feel, to hunt some poor, innocent creature who never did you any harm? Who has a family at home?"

PS: If you did not agonize over your avatar, and wonder whether it might offend, seeing as its an artsy nude, you are probably not Fe. ;)
 

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An ESFJ co-worker verbalizes her emotions, fears, and concerns much more than I do. She also cares more of what people think or say of her. But she is also very caring and loving of serving people, much more than me.
 

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@angelcat

I did not agonize over my avatar. Though I am not a fan of Marilyn Manson's music, I am a fan of his artwork. I picked this painting because I thought it was beautiful and didn't even consider that it might be offensive!

I definitely relate to be liked and affirmed. I also care about being appropriate. I sometimes wonder if I am a Fi who is influenced by my enneagram type (9) and my instinctual stacking (most likely sp/so), creating pseudo Fe tendencies. Like your example, I take queues from others to gauge what my reaction should be and prioritize their perspective. I can feel their energy. Sometimes it is a weight. What is Fe and what is just being passive? Depending on the situation, I may or may not agonize over 'we'-dom afterwards. Sometimes it feels like a second skin. Other times I'm pained. Do you consider it acting when you cry when they cry? How do you construct that emotion?
 

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I smile a lot, and really let it show. hence the smiley faces :D I am also very careful that I do not spread my own negative emotion on to others. so you will rarely see me expressing both psychically or verbally that i am upset, angry, or frustrated when im with other people. I am rarely angry, upset, or frustrated to begin with xD.
 

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@angelcat

I did not agonize over my avatar. Though I am not a fan of Marilyn Manson's music, I am a fan of his artwork. I picked this painting because I thought it was beautiful and didn't even consider that it might be offensive!

I definitely relate to be liked and affirmed. I also care about being appropriate. I sometimes wonder if I am a Fi who is influenced by my enneagram type (9) and my instinctual stacking (most likely sp/so), creating pseudo Fe tendencies. Like your example, I take queues from others to gauge what my reaction should be and prioritize their perspective. I can feel their energy. Sometimes it is a weight. What is Fe and what is just being passive? Depending on the situation, I may or may not agonize over 'we'-dom afterwards. Sometimes it feels like a second skin. Other times I'm pained. Do you consider it acting when you cry when they cry? How do you construct that emotion?
Interesting. I think Enneagram could be a factor!

Crying when others cry ... just happens. Instinctively. Fe is 'investing in the object' -- judging things impartially, by external standards. So if someone else is sad, I feel it and reflect it. I don't have to have experienced their particular kind of pain to comprehend what it must feel like, and to experience it along with them.

To a Fi type, that sort of thing would be inauthentic and offensive -- Fi rebels against the idea that anyone experiences the same feelings it does, unless they know that person has been in an identical situation.

Have you seen the movie "The Notebook"? There's a decent contrast of INFP/ISFJ, with Allie and Noah. Allie absolutely refuses to believe that her mother knows what she is feeling, or what she is going through, or can even comprehend her pain or love for Noah -- until she realizes that her mother fell in love with a boy "from the wrong side of the tracks" too. Allie is people-pleasing a lot, but happiest when she is allowed to be authentic -- to be a "bird" and paint and hide away from the world.

Noah is the ISFJ. Your family doesn't like me. I'm not right for you, Allie. We're not social equals. The future is uncertain, so we can't pretend that this is always going to work out. So, I'm walking away... but I still love you. I still hold onto our dream house. I still wait for you to come back. And once you do, and you're gone again, I'm going to read your our story every day, in the hope that you remember me. Because you are my dream, Allie. My entire existence is made happy by making YOU happy. By letting you be authentic to yourself.

Allie is all about authenticity. Her need to be true to herself.

Noah is all about Allie. His happiness is found in her happiness, through Fe.

Fe makes me very sensitive, more than I let on. I don't even crush spiders, because it's too easy for me to imagine how that might feel to them. Other people are sad, I'm sad. And if I'm not around other people, and have nothing to emotionally sense, I'm a void. Empty. Emotionless.

Fi types are never a void, I don't think. If anything, they have TOO MUCH emotion at times.
 

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Interesting. I think Enneagram could be a factor!

Crying when others cry ... just happens. Instinctively. Fe is 'investing in the object' -- judging things impartially, by external standards. So if someone else is sad, I feel it and reflect it. I don't have to have experienced their particular kind of pain to comprehend what it must feel like, and to experience it along with them.

To a Fi type, that sort of thing would be inauthentic and offensive -- Fi rebels against the idea that anyone experiences the same feelings it does, unless they know that person has been in an identical situation.
The first part of that sounds right, that Fe judges by external standards. But along that line of reasoning, Fi judges by internal standards. I don't think authenticity/inauthenticity really factors into it. The desire for authenticity relates to a motivation, which I think is the realm of Enneagram.

I think it may boil down to something like this: A person does something embarassing. Fe says "Ouch, she must feel really embarassed, poor girl." Conversely, Fi says "Ouch, I feel really embarassed for her, I know how she must feel." Fe looks at an external emotional state (i.e. the other person's) and responds to it. Fi, on the other hand, looks at what happened (the embarassing incident) and judges it internally, making a conclusion on what the Fi user him/herself would feel.

This could all be complete nonsense though! :D
 

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The first part of that sounds right, that Fe judges by external standards. But along that line of reasoning, Fi judges by internal standards. I don't think authenticity/inauthenticity really factors into it. The desire for authenticity relates to a motivation, which I think is the realm of Enneagram.

I think it may boil down to something like this: A person does something embarassing. Fe says "Ouch, she must feel really embarassed, poor girl." Conversely, Fi says "Ouch, I feel really embarassed for her, I know how she must feel." Fe looks at an external emotional state (i.e. the other person's) and responds to it. Fi, on the other hand, looks at what happened (the embarassing incident) and judges it internally, making a conclusion on what the Fi user him/herself would feel.

This could all be complete nonsense though! :D
Fe would feel embarrassed with and for that person, because Fe is reflecting an external, impartial emotional state... feeling what the person who is embarrassed is feeling.
 

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Fe would feel embarrassed with and for that person, because Fe is reflecting an external, impartial emotional state... feeling what the person who is embarrassed is feeling.
Fi reaches the same conclusion, just differently I suppose.
 

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At the time the thread was originally started, you identified as an ISFJ. Now that you identify as a Fi type ...
Should never have joined PerC. ;)

I joined as an NF.
Got talked out of it.
Got retyped by a bunch of forum users.
Was told I was an ISFJ.

Fell for it, for a long time, despite being really unhappy / skeptical of the typing / having people comment on my "hyper-active Ne."

Still indecisive at times about it, because so many stereotypes abound about NFPs being super emotional (I'm not) and non-finishers (I do) but... in hindsight, it explains a lot throughout my life. :p
 
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