Personality Cafe banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a friend who's an ENFJ, and we're pretty close. We're both freshmen this year in high school, and we met a group of funny and witty seniors at our school this past September. She immediately hit it off with them and is super close with all of them, but while I've made attempts to talk to them and get to know them, they still don't even know my name.

The same thing has happened with other people this year. This got me thinking...do ISFJs just naturally take time to develop friendships? Or is it just me?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,966 Posts
I found this when I made friends with an ENFJ, but it didn't really bother me, as he was a pretty healthy influence for my self-esteeem, which in turn started to alter the way I felt about socialising, and about people's opinions of me. He was just so likeable and easy and fun to talk to and spend time with that people would instantly be drawn to him over me who was more meek, and worse at talking to people.

I know it takes me a massive amount of my own steam to develope a friendship, or one of my friends will have to connect and then hang out wih them, and then the person will start to 'notice' me I think, and for me to think positive about our connection/feel comfortable persuing it and not just engaging in doubtful/negative thoughts. I think it's also in part to just being a little different.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
He was just so likeable and easy and fun to talk to and spend time with that people would instantly be drawn to him over me who was more meek, and worse at talking to people.
This is actually my biggest insecurity: that people are drawn to my more charismatic and outgoing friends than they are to me. I'm always the awkward one hanging out in the background, overshadowed by my other friends. I've never really been 100% myself around people, because I'm afraid of being judged, so I've never shown people the fun side of my personality. :p Overcoming my fear of judgment is going to be difficult.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,966 Posts
This is actually my biggest insecurity: that people are drawn to my more charismatic and outgoing friends than they are to me. I'm always the awkward one hanging out in the background, overshadowed by my other friends. I've never really been 100% myself around people, because I'm afraid of being judged, so I've never shown people the fun side of my personality. :p Overcoming my fear of judgment is going to be difficult.
I don't know if it's a constant, great insecurity of mine, positive interaction is generally nice for me, I'm greatful for it. I do feel a sense of longing if I see someone I'm drawn to at a 'distance', and feel a bit negative, but I don't think it's something I fear. It's something I'm more 'responsive'(changeable) to maybe - if I see them turning away I feel negative, if towards me, positive but possibly stressed.
I'm more able to show the 'fun' side ot my personality though, probably. I just wish I found it easier, and could capture the person's attention more, be more interesting to them, connect with them, merge with them. Grace Kelly (The song) pretty much describes my feelings when I'm not blue, heh.

(In a more generic sense I feel anxious about social situations and people certainly)

I don't think you should have anything to fear about showing people the fun side to you, Go for it :).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,015 Posts
I feel like I need to mention that I read that as 'freshman in college' so many times until I realized you said freshman in high school. So I take it you're still rather young? From personal experience I'd say the whole fear of being judged thing is something that takes years to grow out of. I think confidence has the biggest role in regards to that.

The way I see it though, it just takes a bit of time (for our type, especially) to get adjusted to new surroundings. I'm sure you'll find people who'll appreciate you for you. My best friend is an ENFJ as well and I'm nearly always overshadowed by her in social situations, so I can relate to you. It's something that I've come to understand and accept (and sometimes I need to remind myself to keep at it, mind you), and that I myself don't function the same way as she does and that's totally fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
51 Posts
I'm a sophomore in college and still struggling with developing the type of friendships I prefer (non-superficial ones). I think I come off as boring to those who don't know me...and few know me, because I have to get comfortable before opening up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
This is actually my biggest insecurity: that people are drawn to my more charismatic and outgoing friends than they are to me. I'm always the awkward one hanging out in the background, overshadowed by my other friends. I've never really been 100% myself around people, because I'm afraid of being judged, so I've never shown people the fun side of my personality. :p Overcoming my fear of judgment is going to be difficult.
I know I'm not an ISFJ, but I completely relate to this also. One of my closest friends is an ENFJ and another is an ESFJ. Both of them pretty much outshine me in any sort of social situation. I've always been the friend that is just sitting their listening to the conversations going on. For me, I always used to get the feeling that nobody knew the real me. I'm finally starting to get through it mostly because I'm growing up. Getting in touch with my Fe and mimicing my Fe dominant friend's behaviors has also really helped me learn how to be the person I really am from the get go. It was scary as hell at first, but once I got through the initially shock of relying almost completely on my Fe things have gotten better. My ESFJ friend enjoys "helping me" by throwing the spotlight on me, which while it is uncomfortable, it really has helped.
...Kinda afraid to post this because I feel like I'm intruding... No, I'm just gonna post it, I'll apologize in advance if I am intruding...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
797 Posts
One of my closest friends is an ISFJ. She has a really hard time trusting new people and opening up enough to make new friends, and as a result, I generally know more people than she does.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
@elizard - no, you're not intruding at all! You're extremely welcome. :)

I think there's a similar thread going on about opening up and showing our true colors...and the truth is that it's so hard to open up because we want to protect ourselves from any judgments that other people would make about us. We're naturally really serious, so we don't fluidly fit into conversations and we aren't as talkative and light-hearted as other people. Oh, well. It's just something we all have to work on, I think, because it doesn't come as naturally to us.

I think ISFJs are wonderful anyway, and I'm damn proud to be one. ;)
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top