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Discussion Starter #1
I posted something similar on the isfj forum about them and infidelity. I am on my second isfj, rather regretfully.
I have no intention to make this current one a permanent fixture, nor he does of me. He is merely a blip on the road through life, and, I am just a blip on his road through life. He is in a ltr and has made this explicitly clear. As an infj, you can imagine the comfort level, but for entertainment purposes am indulging myself and am trying to make the best of my "t" and "p" functions so I can enjoy myself more and not become attached.

Doesn't it seem the general consensus is that isfj's are sooooo loyal to their mate, or SO, or ltr, basically whoever they're committed to, and I basically don't understand why so many place these personalities on a pedestal and put halo's around their heads. My experience with them is when an isfj's eye is drawn to someone they're attracted to, that 'ole "s" (as "s"'s are typically aroused by aesthetically pleasing things), coupled with "f", and shall I add "male," well, will act in typical fashion.

Not to bad mouth them because I truly believe isfj's care greatly for the people they choose to associate (or be) with, however, the ultimate goal for them is how the person they are with makes them feel. They often feel unappreciated and when with someone who expresses appreciation or validates them and of course tantalizes them - being that "s" they are - they'll satisfy their innate desire to feel good, validated, and gain self-esteem and self-worth through physical expression (something they're very good at), even at the expense of others. I don't think they have as difficult a time carrying the guilt of cheating as many would think, and seem to suffer from guilt rather fleetingly, having the amazing ability to rationalize their actions. As many do.

Whatever the case may be, I find them quite enjoyable in the short-term, but would steer away from considering them in the long-term since they have the propensity to wield withholding sex and preferring sleep as a means of passively controlling their partner, or just being who they are...actually tired (probably from all the taxing self-imposed need to serve others) and their general low libido once in a relationship with them for a few years. They privately build up resentments that stack as easily as paper cups :/

Although, I add the disclaimer that I really do like them! :)

Anyone else have a similar opinion about isfj males? And not from those who only deal with isfj relatives. That's a different ballgame all together!
 

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ISFJ males here and ever had an INFJ girl. She is a completely tough and weird girl that I met (very different from other typical girls). I felt that we are on different worlds.Honestly, she got bored quickly and when she decided to break up, she never wanted to go back.
Usually, ISFJ is Si-Fe-Ti-Ne; INFJ is Ni-Fe-Ti-Se
You can read these topics:

ISFJ/INFJ dynamic

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/172313-infj-isfj-dynamic.html
http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/178237-infj-isfj-dynamic-2-a.html

I consider RunForCover07 (INFJ) and teddy564339 (ISFJ) the two great experts in exploring ISFJ/INFJ combine.:kitteh:
 

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I've met ISFJs who are adorable, kind, good, the whole stereotype.

But this past weekend, I met one who gave me serious 'immature twat' vibe she had veiled under a thin layer of Fe. Let's just say we ain't gonna be friends.
 

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I have myself come to conclusion that personality types have absolutely nothing to do with infidelity.

Personally, I think it just boils down to what character you are and how strong your 'natural instincts' are and how well can you defend/suppress them.

My opinion and observation is that the whole humanity is ultimately flawed. We were made for a different time. A time when your partner's infidelity may mean your kid getting killed or. something equally horrible.
Today there's nothing like this anymore, yet we still possess all the instincts and pain associated with that.

Basically, being a human sucks. We are incredibly smart and at the same time still very primitive.
 

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@I_C_thru_U I'm a little confused so if you wouldn't mind, may I ask a few questions?

1) Did he mention he was in a long term relationship prior to your involvement or was it during?

2) You mentioned that this is your second ISFJ, did you have a similar experience with the previous one?

3) Although it's entirely possible that the ISFJ you're talking about is indicative of others, how exactly do you know his (and the previous ISFJ's type?). *This isn't a jab at your typing abilities in the slightest, I'm just curious if they've taken the test or anything like that*
 

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Discussion Starter #17
@I_C_thru_U I'm a little confused so if you wouldn't mind, may I ask a few questions?

Yes of course, I welcome questions, thank you for asking. Questions make me challenge my own conclusions I've drawn and provide deeper self-reflection, and new insight into a matter.

1) Did he mention he was in a long term relationship prior to your involvement or was it during?

He did mention he was in a ltr prior to involvement, but it took a year to drag it out of him (no physical contact prior), and only when I directly questioned him. The answer to that question was responded with "but we were friends first..." more or less explained that his connection with her was by friendship first and it just "turned into" something more. Almost as if it was an evolution of events, something he had no control over. He explained being with another person is a means to make sure there is no regret in his choice to just stay where he's at with current ltr. I accept this viewpoint, do not knock it, but also have great disgust at myself for allowing myself to be a "test rat." You will soon see that I have slight similarity with issues of self-worth or self-esteem, and the desire to please someone and become committed to bring out their hidden potential. I can't help but see beyond what a person is presenting to me, realizing many good people are acting in ways that are a result of "shielding" one's self from pain the outside world/people inflict. At the same time, I am trying to fool myself that I won't get wholly emotionally involved during this period of play with promise of nothing more.

2) You mentioned that this is your second ISFJ, did you have a similar experience with the previous one?

The one prior had highly developed communication skills, at first. I would visit him from another state and one time, before I left to return home, he sat down with me and said, "Just so you know, one of these times you come down I may be with another person." He expressly abhorred the idea of marriage, hated the idea of being tied down to one person, and was clear with me he wanted to play the field. I appreciated the honesty, and saw he was protecting himself from my rejection (after all, it appeared that I was rejecting HIM because I would leave to go back to where I had permanent residence). I, stuck it out, and after many years slowly emotionally detached from him, a result of his emotionally withdrawing from me, withholding things (money so tightly, I paid for my own food or would have been literally starved), and held back stingily anything that I said I enjoyed or liked, such as sex, and nitpicking everything I did - I can't hang a towel correctly, was the cause of a car accident he was in and I wasn't even with him!; hugging with a body stiffness and looking off as if to passively say, "I'd rather hug a corpse than you," not answering texts or phone calls - I said adios after 7 years, and he was terribly confused. He then professed he wanted to settle down and asked if "I would take a risk with him," odd way of asking me to marry him, isn't it? But again, a shield to rejection. I didn't even have the energy to explain why I couldn't be with him, I was just ready to stop the madness. Slow learner I am, I guess, but I didn't want to face the reality and wanted to live in my world of possibilities and firm belief in his potential to turn into the person I knew he was behind that emotional wall he built. His ego was so fragile and no matter what I said to build him up, he never believed me. I had become hooked over his ability to give undivided attention, listen intensively, give meaningful compliments, albeit few and far between, and at times, show a deep care that quickly disappeared like smoke in the wind. The end of the story is, I didn't give an answer immediately. The same cycle continued and I called it quits, never to return to visit him.

I reiterate this experience because it's relevant to the second one. I already see the surfacing of similar behavior with the second isfj - emotional control such as not answering texts, stinginess, withholding of sex - although now I feel there is at least a reason for it. He is already with someone and doesn't need me per se, but is hooked by the attention I give him, the added benefit also is the building of his self-esteem and confidence by my pursuit and expressions of interest, which give him the ability to turn me down, and if I seem to withdraw he makes sure to answer my text and arrange to get together. But anyway, what man doesn't feel good by someone expressing interest. This is natural.

3) Although it's entirely possible that the ISFJ you're talking about is indicative of others, how exactly do you know his (and the previous ISFJ's type?). *This isn't a jab at your typing abilities in the slightest, I'm just curious if they've taken the test or anything like that*
Both had agreed to take the test, so it's clear documentation, fortunately.

I want to add that I am not blaming isfj's in general, I am to blame for my choice in men. However, I thought it interesting that both of them were of the same type, exhibiting almost exactly the same behaviors (the second one well on his way to being a carbon copy of the first), not to mention (because it would take up 2 pages!) their method of communication and verbal expressions are almost verbatim, and at times verbatim. It is uncanny.

Thank you for asking me to go more into detail!

(reviewed how this posted to the board. So odd - still haven't gotten down how to reply in correct format!)
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I've met ISFJs who are adorable, kind, good, the whole stereotype.

But this past weekend, I met one who gave me serious 'immature twat' vibe she had veiled under a thin layer of Fe. Let's just say we ain't gonna be friends.
Would love to hear details to your experience, if you wouldn't mind sharing.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
isn't it spelled "engaged" and not "ingaged?"
 

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Discussion Starter #20
They are simplistically selfless. Infjs can be true assholes if they aren't careful.
Concur, and I might add simplistically selfish. Not intending to insult.
And Infjs can indeed be true assholes - I admit I can be one, and sometimes without deliberately doing so.
What kind of example can you give for that comment, very curious - I love another's viewpoint and insight it provides!
 
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