[lifesrule42]

Okay, i know that after 11 I was a goner with love, things were just happening so fast, and I started to become a "freak" an "outcast", I'm 17 now and boys don't accept me.

Well, the thing is that when I was little I had this huge crush on this boy and when he found out that I liked him, he found out from one of our best friends, he never talked to me. I tried to tell him that our friend was crazy, and that he was making it up, but he never listened to me.

After this, for some reason, I shun love. I mean, I do have small crushes, that turn into full-blown crushes, but I always think along the lines of 'he hates me', or 'i'm so stupid'. That experience really traumatized me. I'm afraid of ever telling boys that i like them.

I've told a couple that i liked them, but they either didn't care or they let me down easy by saying "i'm sorry but...." In the end, they never liked me, but one of the boys i told that i liked him, dated my friend behind my back while I was gone.
Neither of them told me, he didn't have to, but my friend should have, and yet she didn't.

Anyway, he only told me no to be polite, but i knew he didn't like me either from early on.

Why does this happen to me? Do any of you ISFP's have this problem or is it just me?

 

[Jynx]

Yeah, that's happened to me before. I had a crush on a guy who was a real fancy artist, such a sweetheart. Anyway, long story short, told a friend and it ended up getting back to him. It was especially painful since that day was the same day I found his crush was some aggressive, sporty chick with long, pretty blonde hair. /sigh

I gotta admit I kept my mouth shut after that about any crushes I had. But it did point me in the direction of dating friends. I get a better feel for them than some cute guy on the street who can be a hit or miss.

Plus with friends, now I know their interests, know them before they put their "best foot forward" and what not. I've ended up dating my very best friends each time. Only downside, is if you date your best friend and end up not leaving it on good terms, you're out a best friend and your lover. Risky business, it is.

With that said though, really good friends and lovers alike always seem to show up in the most unexpected places and at the strangest times, too.

I don't know though. High school was a wreck, lol. Lots of lessons learned there and it was a crash course in love too. Things are much easier and make much more sense so many years later. I figure it'll only get better. So, I know it's cliche, but don't sweat it. <3 It gets better. High school's just a popularity contest and the weird "outcasts" don't shine until after, or so I've learned.

 

[Tad Cooper]

The only guy I ever felt anything for turned me down >>; After that I had a series of terrible relationships with emotional wrecks, got emotional/physical damage and now I'm not dating until I find someone who's actually someone I care about.
Also, don't worry about being an 'outcast'. You need to find someone who fits you, not change yourself to fit them.

 

[krumms]

I walked this road so so many times in high school and here's what I learned:

We wear our hearts on our sleeves, but we can't help that because it's who we are. We have this ever-bubbling earnest NEED to let someone know because, if we don't, we'll explode from the inside out. The biggest mistake is to actually tell someone your feelings because, I guarantee you, they WILL let it out and in the end, your heart get's broken. You confess your feelings in confidence to someone you trust and they will stab you in the back. It happens. Don't mess with your own emotions because you've got no one else to blame but yourself if and when it backfires it becomes a vicious cycle of mis-trust and hurt feelings and at the end of the day, you'll just alienate yourself.

Do yourself a favour and adopt this principle in school:

"Speak no evil. See no evil. Hear no evil."

It works well because high school is a petty popularity contest and is a massive soap opera. "Did you hear what [x] said about [y] on [z]." or "Did you know that [y] has a crush on [z]?! Like, ohmygahd!" And let me tell you a secret about it too: 9 out of the 10 friends you have in high school, you won't have once you graduate, if anything.

Remember this: we're late-bloomers to the party when it comes to accepting who we are. And when we do we're the ones that shine. Don't let your differences knock you down NOW because it makes it harder to accept them later on in life.

Find something else to invest your love in for the mean time, for me it was music Don't rush so quickly into loving someone now. Learn to love yourself so you can begin to love others to the fullest.

 

[m_dogg]

Well, I had a very similar experience. Boys used to ask me out in class or in crowds, just to turn me down and laugh at me when I became very confused. Seriously, from the age of 11-15. I asked 4 guys if they wanted to go to prom with me, I just wanted to dance. 4 guys! One of which spread a rumor that I was stalking him, I've never even seen his house! Let alone half of his friends even. I ended up going with the GSA club and mathletes, and had a blast.

Let me lay it down to you straight. Those guys get girls pregnant in high school, then drop out, leave the chick, and then get another high school chick pregnant, when they're older the age of 23. AKA, SCUMBAGS. Or they are immature losers.

WHen I graduated, I threw them all away, went on to college, found my own potential and confidence, lost weight and cut off my hair. WHen I saw them again at parties, they were all trying to get in my pants, and I realized they were just shallow scumbags. And, unfortunately, most of the guys who stand out at a party or the bar, are scummy. Same goes for girls.

Long story short, treasure yourself, and fuck the mother fuckers.

 

[m_dogg]

Also, I've learned that it's a wonderful thing to be honest with myself and others about the way I or they feel. It's never wrong to have strong emotions. Don't kick yourself in the butt for it, live in the luxury of your ability to feel so openly and often. I know plenty of people who were brought up to be very stoic and held back with their emotions and never feel comfortable with themselves when they 'feel'.

Emotions are wonderful, and so is honesty! Screw anyone who tries to make you think otherwise, they have undeveloped emotional skills.


And will probably marry for convenience. Yeee-uck!

 

[Jynx]

Agreed. Plus, high school love hardly ever pans out. (Not to say it doesn't for some people.) But most people are still maturing, learning about themselves and are far from being any type of finished product. So it usually means people are still evolving and it's why so many kids go through so many different radical shifts in style, personality and opinions before they find what's right for them.

Plus, after 18, if they weren't born with a silver spoon in their mouths, once they get a taste of the real world, everyone realizes their priorities are a little twisted. Somehow, suzy's ability to apply loads of makeup and dance on her dad's coffee table in a drunken stupor at the party is less important than the wallflower who can cook and knows how to balance her own checkbook.

Life's just like that, I guess. Life's the tutor who gives the test first and the lessons later. Afterward, I always end up surprised, eyebrows raised, "Oh, I understand now. Damn, wish I knew that before this whole mess started." Lol.

 

[lifesrule42]

Thank you all for helping me, and Yes, I'll make sure to love and understand myself first.

 

[lifesrule42]

thank you so much.

 

[DMack]

Life time love is something that goes far beyond your feelings. As an ISFP you'll need someone who can bring stability and yet give you the freedom you need. Until you find someone that can bring out the best in you and capture your heart, just count each crush or relationship as a chance to learn more about yourself. I chased a crush very hard and cought her, but 12 years later it turned into a heart wrenching divorce.

 

[SkyDragon88]

For me I feel like I'm always just punishing myself after a certain point when I find a new crush. I have been single for near 4 years and every crush I've had hasn't panned out at all. They just didn't return my feelings or receive them well... Every time I have confessed my feelings to a girl (except like 2) I always get the " I think we're better as just friends" or something to that effect. Its so frustrating. I don't even want to think about high school.... I was the awkward, quiet, and artsy kid with paint covered jeans that just couldn't catch a break in the romance department. I do agree with DMack. Even though I've been single I do learn something new with every failed attempt at a new relationship or even pursuing a new crush.

 

[Luftkopf]

The only relationships I have been in have been when the woman has pursued me, and they didn't finish well. I have always been rejected when I have expressed my feelings to a woman, often they even stop talking to me, much to my confusion.

 

[SkyDragon88]

Yeah the rejection part is hard for me. Cause one of the last crushes I had was a friend so I had already let my guard down and open up a little to them and then its like, bam why did I reveal so much of myself to you. (She stopped talking to me and hanging out around me as much)