Personality Cafe banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So, I have this ISFP friend who is male and rather good looking. He has cheated on every person he has ever dated. I feel however this is because he dates people he doesn't really want to date. It is clear that he likes to be liked. Therefore when someone likes him and says "date me or I can't be your friend" he just says okay even though he doesn't like the person in that way.

I also think he might date some people for the benefits from being in the relationship. He uses people. When confronted he says he isn't using them and that he really likes them, but he still cheats on them. For example, the girl he is dating now works at a bar and always gives him free drinks. He never has any money but loves to go out.

Are their any other ISFPs known to use people or cheat?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
751 Posts
He doesn't sound very healthy. He's being used with the "date me or I won't be your friend" stuff. It sounds like something that would happen in middle school.

We're not known to be cheaters. I'm sure it can and does happen, but I think in a few of our basic descriptions it says something like we are "loyal to a fault."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,783 Posts
i agree with ryrymini. we're usually pretty loyal to our friends, family, mates. usually, of course, there are exceptions. i'm wondering if his inner 'promoter' is coming out, manipulating people to get what he wants.

most isfp's don't like to just use people either, whether it's great or small. me and a good friend of mine are both isfp's without a doubt and we never purposely use our friends for our own selfish desires.

if he is isfp,he might have some major issues. strong selfish traits, lack of empathy for other's feelings(weird for an f really, cuz' we usually get upset if people's feelings get hurt by somebody else, not to mention if we hurt others even by accident, can really affect us). pride and haughtiness issues due to his 'good looks'. who knows, i don't know this person well enough.

hope this helps. it might do well to remind him of the hurt he might be causing these other women. if he still doesn't respond to that he's not F, or if he's straight ignoring it, he's got some issues. it bothers me to read that he's just using women like that myself, most isfp's would feel that way toward this subject imo.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
I also think he might date some people for the benefits from being in the relationship. He uses people. When confronted he says he isn't using them and that he really likes them, but he still cheats on them. For example, the girl he is dating now works at a bar and always gives him free drinks. He never has any money but loves to go out.

Are their any other ISFPs known to use people or cheat?
i think he really likes them, not love. for me, i took like and love differently. if people ask me, "do you like that guy?" i would say yes. "do you love him?" i would say no. i have different levels of like, and love is the highest ones, and i don't love that often. i'm very cautious when it comes to love. or it's just me. :proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thanks guys, I've been really trying to talk to him lately about it and he just shuts down. I really think he feels bad for what he does, he just doesn't seem to admit it. I think he also avoids dating people he really likes or loves because he is afraid of hurting them. For example, my friend was really into him for a while and one day he told her he wishes he could date her but he couldn't because she was too good of a person and he would hurt her.

Idk, I am positive he is an ISFP. I think he may be an ISFP gone wrong however, that's what I am trying to figure out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,783 Posts
He could use some counseling than seriously imo. i spiraled out of control once with well, drinking/gambling, because something very catastrophic happened to me in my life that changed me, but just for a brief period.

i got help during that brief phase and i've grown because of it. i never had those issues before until something really crazy happened to me that really affected me and yes, i felt wrong for what i was doing, even though more for myself than for hurting others cuz' i left my family and friends out of my life while i was self-destructing, cuz' i didn't want to hurt them on top of it.

if he recognizes it at all as something of a problem , i would seriously recommend he talks to a licensed professional. it really should make a difference.

for now, he's not only hurting others, but he's destroying himself as well, and it'll only get worse imo.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
413 Posts
My best friend is an ISFP, and she's basically exactly the same. The only difference is that she actually makes herself believe that she 'likes' them. For instance, she has been with the same guy for about half a year - a record on her part - and flirted with countless ones in-between, always claiming that it's "innocent". (Yeah, as if; I know her inside-out, I can tell she likes the attention.) When we went away on a one-month trip together, she slept with other people. She tried to resist cheating at first, but once she had done it while being drunk, she stated, "It can't get worse than that", and proceeded to play about freely.

Even though she's my best friend, I was sort of appalled. Then again, I realize I shouldn't be so surprised, considering how she's been playing around since she got pretty sometime two years ago. (It's ironic how guys still fall for her "sexy 'good girl'" looks. I try to refrain from laughing each time a guy tells her they like her because she's so nice and sweet.)

I can't tell what it's like for other ISFPs, since I haven't detected any others around me yet. But keep in mind that my best friend is pretty immature; she's eighteen. I've a hard time imagining her staying faithful even in later years, though. She gets bored pretty easy, but she doesn't want to let go of the guy nonetheless. (Her ISFP boyfriend, for instance, makes her feel perfectly safe, so she doesn't want to let him go.)
 
  • Like
Reactions: roflcopter

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Immaturity has been my ultimate conclusion of my ISFP friend. He likes being liked and he leads people on. He sneaky about it though. If someone says they like him, he tells them he sees them as just a friend. But then he calls them to hang out, he texts them, etc. He loves the attention. Some people think he's hot shit and he knows that and uses to his advantage. I question how much he really knows about himself though. It is as though he makes himself believe he likes the people he "dates". When really they are just a quest. They're the ones who didn't fall into his trap. They're the ones who didn't think he was hot shit. He doesn't like it. So he likes them in order to get them to like him. Once he's with them. It's mission accomplished. Then he goes out and sleeps with/ leads on all the others who thinks he's hot shit. It pisses me off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
413 Posts
Immaturity has been my ultimate conclusion of my ISFP friend. He likes being liked and he leads people on. He sneaky about it though. If someone says they like him, he tells them he sees them as just a friend. But then he calls them to hang out, he texts them, etc. He loves the attention. Some people think he's hot shit and he knows that and uses to his advantage. I question how much he really knows about himself though. It is as though he makes himself believe he likes the people he "dates". When really they are just a quest. They're the ones who didn't fall into his trap. They're the ones who didn't think he was hot shit. He doesn't like it. So he likes them in order to get them to like him. Once he's with them. It's mission accomplished. Then he goes out and sleeps with/ leads on all the others who thinks he's hot shit. It pisses me off.
I know exactly what you mean, my best friend is exactly the same. It really irritates me when she looks at me all weird and say innocently, "What do you mean? Of course I only see him as a friend!" and then goes ahead to flirt with them, leading them to believe there's more.

I don't think either of them are consciously aware of it, though, if your friend is like mine. She just seems to 'go with the flow'. Most of the time she just flirts with them in a conversation and denies that she did. Afterwards, when she notices the consequences, she comes whining to me about how she just 'accidentally' flirted with them (even if I can tell that she loves how they fall for it). Once when I asked her about how you can just 'accidentally' flirt with someone, she said; "I don't know! It just happened!" (She said the exact same thing when she first cheated on her boyfriend during that one-month trip and discussed it with me after it happened.)
 
  • Like
Reactions: roflcopter

·
Registered
Joined
·
677 Posts
I mean, I'm an ISFP, and I've cheated on exams in high school and college, and gotten away with it a few moments in the desperation of the moment on a few occasions, even though I knew that it was wrong and always felt bad about doing so afterwards.
However, infidelity is just something that I would never do to a romantic partner of mine, and something that I would find very difficult, if not impossible to forgive a romantic partner of mine doing to me. I've never been in a situation where I've been cheated on by a romantic partner, though, so I don't know exactly how forgiving I would be in the situation. I suppose I could forgive them for doing it to me once, and as long as it wasn't emotional cheating. But even then, I still think it would be really difficult, if not impossible for me to forgive a romantic partner of mine for cheating on me with another girl, and I most certainly would never do it to a romantic partner of mine. Infidelity between partners in a committed romantic relationship with each other is just one of those things that are plain wrong on my personal list of values. If a couple is still married, but greatly estranged, separated, and/or in the process of divorcing each other, I don't necessarily consider it cheating, but it would be much better if they agreed that it was okay to see each other people first, even though they are separated because otherwise it still feels really squicky and wrong in that case too. It's definitely not something that I would feel totally comfortable with an estranged husband of mine doing with other women outside of our marriage, just because we were separated or separating either, and I wouldn't do it with other guys outside of my husband, just because we had just been separated recently. It's just that having a rebound relationship right after you've separated from a romantic partner, who you were in a serious relationship with right before implies that you're still in love with your ex, and trying to get over them with someone else, who probably means nothing to you in a seriously romantic sense. For some people, rebounding is perfect for people, who have just gotten out of an unhealthy serious relationship with a romantic partner, who they still love in spite of the fact that they aren't good for or vice versa, and they both know it. But, for me, romance would have to be deep, true, and serious for me to get involved with someone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,015 Posts
Honestly this sounds like your average fuck boy. I think it's a combination of Fi and Se if anything, Fi being selfish and Se taking advantage of opportunities to self indulge. I would go as far as to say cheating isn't typical for ISFPs or any other personality type, this guy is just unhealthy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
822 Posts
Well... I have been in a casual relationship with a ISFP guy and attracted to another.
My guess is that they aren't passionate about the ones they date. They have wandering eyes; a "the grass is greener on the other side" attitude. When you care about them, these guys hold back; then come to realize that they want to have you in their lives after you leave, and become jealous if you have other people to hang out. Still, they only want some part of you, whenever it is convenient to themselves. The two ISFPs I got to know seem to be unable/unwilling to form deeper and closer relationships with people. They don't put much of energy into relationship and even don't respond well if you do so, but never talk about breaking-up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,211 Posts
what are you people doing, this was from 2010
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top