ENTPs... Yeah, I get along okayish. They can sometimes be super cool.
But it really wears on me, maybe just because it's an emotional/lifelong relationship.
To be honest, I have a thousand grudges against the one I know... But I'm so scared to death of her I only dream of informing her of all her idiosyncrasies that I notice every single painful second I'm around her.
But yeah, I'll be her doormat. It won't kill me. Just biding my time, it hurts to think how easy it would be to forget her forever, it feels like it would be awesome to forget her. But just the more realistic thought of forgetting someone so close to me forever is enough to make me never do it. And yet that's what I hate about it too.
God I hate feeling obligated to people. But if she knew that's how I really felt... Man, she'd be in such pain I know, and in her unselfishness and yet selfishness, deny desiring any relationship with me, because the thought of her own child despising her would be to painful for her. She's already so deep in denial about it, with each of us. She has no idea how annoying everyone finds her, and not just in baseless ways. The pity I feel for her lack of awareness is what keeps me attached, and that just allows her to be less aware than ever.
It's a vicious cycle.
But we've had great times, and darn it I love my mom after all. I don't know how or why, but she's in my heart.
I can be cruel, but I cannot hate, or I can hate, but I cannot be cruel. Unless I was convinced some tough love would do her some good, like a wake up call, but all the ENTPs assured me it would just about kill her.
Catch22
If I'm stuck either way, I may as well be loving and do whatever it takes to get along, and just hope she doesn't restrict my movements.
That's all very melodramatic, but it's unfortunately how I feel deep down. Luckily I don't trust my feelings always though. I question them. For instance, I meant to say I can't stand ENTOs, but since I questioned that feeling, I found there's a particularly tender place for them in the wearoest parts of my soul, that only they can fit, because goshdarnnit, it's an awkward poky shape, but a shape that needs filling nonetheless.
LOL, wow, haha