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A little background, I've been dating an ISTP for 9 months now. Even though its sort of a solid time for a relationship, its still in its early stages as we both don't spend enough time together due to his work/school and my going home for a month every semester (I'm an international student). Plus we go to different university and don't have mutual friends at all.

A little back ground. He broke up with me 2 months in as he felt like "something doesn't feel right". I thought that was the end of it but after a while, he started texting me weekly just for a chat. We got back together shortly as he admitted that he missed me.

This time we said that we will remain friends and keep it casual. But when we hang out, it feels like we are on a date and he tries to get me to kiss him (?) even though he never make the first move. It's been almost a year but he never mentioned to me meeting his friends nor have he met mine and I have never pushed for it either. We hang out maybe 2 to 3 times monthly and don't text much when we are apart either. When I do call or text him he doesn't see the point as we don't have much to say but the F in me wants him to initiate communication more often and try harder especially when it comes to how he feels about me or even share with me more about his life/ friends/ opinions etc.

Just as I thought things were going downhill he randomly messaged me to ask me how my trip home was going and even indirectly said he miss me and is excitedly waiting for me to return back.

My sister think that I'm wasting my time as we are too different but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt as he shared with me that his first gf had a secret fiance that he didn't know about.

I'm just confused. I like him a lot even though I'm not sure why, he just have that something in him or maybe I'm just a fool. This is the first guy I have ever dated so I don't really know how to deal with this hot and cold thing. Do you guys have any advice or experience to share?
 

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私を愛して
ESTJ; LSE; 3w4; Sp/Sx
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ISFP(f) + ISTP(m) relationship advice
Either he has issues understanding how he feels about you and therefore has this push and pull attitude with you or that's his dating style.
This reminds me of this attachment style in which I will link below:

Fearful Avoidant Attachment – A person with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings. Instead, they are overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods. They see their relationships from the working model that you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you. In other words, the person they want to go to for safety is the same person they are frightened to be close to. As a result, they have no organized strategy for getting their needs met by others.

As adults, these individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are close. Oftentimes, the timing seems to be off between them and their partner. A person with fearful avoidant attachment may even wind up in an abusive relationship.
I think being direct with him about both of your intentions will be for the best since it's never good being with someone who you aren't sure if they like you back.
 

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Do you guys have any advice or experience to share?
He can't decide. What is your decision? If you're giving him chances it means you want him? By that I interpret it as you WANT him. And if I want something I take it.. hence, stop forcing the decision on him and tell/show him your decision. KISS (keep it simple stupid).
Tell yourself and him "yes" or "no".
 
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