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Discussion Starter #1
I've been thinking about making this thread for a bit... and now I've gone ahead and done it! :frustrating:

I've met some amazingly attractive ISFPs recently and I've found myself constantly wondering what it might be like to date one of them. But, I haven't had the pleasure... at least not yet... *wink wink* *nudge nudge* :wink:

Anyways, have any of you had any experiences dating an INFP? In general, have you found that you have decent chemistry with the INFPs you've met? Or is, the N - S difference perhaps a bit of a deal-breaker...? :unsure:
 

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I never dated an ISFP, but an ISFP female I know from college has very good chemistry with me. Her S side sorta balanced my N side. The other ISFP who I know from college as well has decent chemistry, but not as good as the first mentioned. Both are very attractive looking.
 

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Or is, the N - S difference perhaps a bit of a deal-breaker...?
Y'all need to stop this and enjoy the other person's qualities. Imagine how dreadful it would be if the world was populated solely by your clones.

That being said, long term couples mesh their personalities into one another. So why not have more advantages?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Y'all need to stop this and enjoy the other person's qualities. Imagine how dreadful it would be if the world was populated solely by your clones.

That being said, long term couples mesh their personalities into one another. So why not have more advantages?
Part of my thinking is that... most mbti and 16-type authors tend to recommend intuitives with intuitives, sensors with sensors. They seem to suggest that it is the most important factor out of the 4 letters, romantically.

Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.
 

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Part of my thinking is that... most mbti and 16-type authors tend to recommend intuitives with intuitives, sensors with sensors. They seem to suggest that it is the most important factor out of the 4 letters, romantically.
So you're going to let other people decide your romantic partner? Well, if that's your thing, whatever floats your boat then.
Truth is, romantically, you choose your partner based on your own personal preference. Your own personal preference. Nothing to do with type, but to what type of people you like. You can be inherently attracted to a certain type, but they might not be the best option for your needs.
They pair them so because apparently they "speak the same language". More below.

Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.
The only challenge is you being open and accepting of others. Instead of thinking "I don't get along with this person, therefore they are stupid", it should be more like "I don't get along with this person, I should get to know them more."

My two cents.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Hmm... I think you are really misunderstanding my intentions. I don't decide who I hang out with, who I date based on type. That's not why I started this thread. I merely meant it as a talking point, and to hear if any ISFPs have had any experience dating INFPs.

I understand the types of perspectives you are attacking, but you are mistakenly projecting them onto me. I don't hold the kinds of opinions you are critiquing.
 

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I personally love INFPs! They're so chill. That's what I love the most about them. Absolutely no drama! The great thing about sharing the Fi-dom is that we both try to make the relationship as peaceful as possible, which is something I've always wanted. When I'm in relationships, I don't necessarily want someone to fix all of my problems, but someone who provides kind of a safe haven where I can escape them. And in my experience, that's exactly what an INFP does! The N and S difference doesn't really bother me all that much. It causes some communication problems, but no relationship is perfect. They also have great senses of humor! The ones I've met are typically really snarky and sarcastic, and I love people with that kind of sense of humor!

However, when they are unhealthy, they can be manic-depressive and exhausting to be around. That's kinda the bad thing about Fi...When it's healthy, it's awesome. When it's not...It's friggin scary.
 

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Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.
Yup. It is a challenge. I've been married to an INTP now for 25 years plus. Granted, as some in the MBTI community call our types enigma types, there are multiple areas of challenge. We only discovered MBTI last summer, and it has been an eye-opener to us. We can now see how lots of our misunderstandings and confusion and points of contention came, not from any merits of any situation, but from our topsy-turvy approach to the situation. While her Ti vs my Fi can cause some misunderstandings, the real issues are a bit more encompassing than that. Here's how I have come to view them. First off is the Fi-Te combo vs her Ti-Fe combo. Believe it or not, while this combo tends to be the source of our deepest contentions, they are infrequent enough, and we have developed over the years, ways of coping with this divide. On the other hand, my Se-Ni vs her Ne-Si is an area that we just haven't cracked. Over the past few months, I've come to realize that this gap is much harder to cross or reconcile than the other. In fact, this gap has frequently been the unseen cause of the bigger gaps.

To put it in the simple terms that somebody is looking for. Yes, the intuition/sensor divide does cause problems. But it's not so simple as just "sensor vs intuit". Since we are introverts, our perceiving functions are in the middle--second and third. This means that they work together much more harmoniously than if we were perceiving extroverts (ENFP, for instance, vs ESFP). In such a case, we have her extroverted intuition, working with her introverted sensing, against my extroverted sensing, working with my introverted intuition. She tends to not notice things around her, while I frequently can't ignore them. She tends to notice or perceive trends, but also tends to view these in a negative light, and then, using her intuition, expands on them, sometimes, IMO, in ridiculous directions and proportions. On my part, I don't see trends until they hit me in the face, so to speak. And then, I work like crazy to resolve them, bring closure to a problem, which fights against closure. It is in these situations that we are truly working at cross purposes, and don't realize it. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etc. are the easy things to see, but more importantly, is the subtle feeling that you aren't being understood, that the other doesn't really care what you think, or just isn't trying to understand you. But the real problem is a fundamental one of how we perceive what is happening, which impacts how we respond. It takes a lot of head-butting to get through it.

Put simply, it is easy to have miscommunication and miscommunication that needs extra effort to overcome. Sometimes there are hurt feelings, especially if there is lots of stress. Since we've been married 25 years, you can guess that these have not been deal stoppers for us, but it hasn't always been easy either. I also, far too often, have the impression that I'm not quite what my wife really needs as far as being a "soul mate". I can't really relate to her at a certain level. I don't know, but I also sometimes get the impression that she has the same feelings about me--judging from things she's said, or expressions, etc. Honestly, this is an area where there is some reluctance to discuss. So, I think it's fair to say that yes, the perceiving side of things can be an area which makes it difficult to really come together. This doesn't mean that you can't be happy together, but it does mean that there will be areas in your life that others will have to fill in the gaps. For my wife, she has some NT lady friends with whom she socializes, and her online Scrabble club, etc. The thing is, you have to realize that even if you do love each other, and even if you do commit to life together, you can't expect the other person to be your all-in-all. That's just an unreasonable expectation. I think we both had this when we were young, but we learned that life isn't like that.

I think too, that with us both being introverts, that means that we can both just withdraw into ourselves, and be happy. If the two of us were extroverts, I think the problems would have become much more pronounced over time.

All that said, I wonder how an INFP and ISFP would get along, since both are Fi dominant types. It's possible that that common "language" would hold them together. I can't say.
 

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All that said, I wonder how an INFP and ISFP would get along, since both are Fi dominant types. It's possible that that common "language" would hold them together. I can't say.
One of my best friends is INFP and he says that's the thing he loves the most about our friendship. Figures, as Fi gets easily beaten, so when you find someone similar it's like quitting your day job and taking a vacation. INFPs are adorable. No drama, no pressure, all lovin' and fun. Just three things irk me about them, and none pertain to communication style. One is related to their area of interest in the fine arts (NFs in general), the second is how they just take anything and not say a word of protest. If you don't like to be in a certain situation, say so. Thirdly, they should practice more of what they say.
Hardest type to read for me.

Hmm... I think you are really misunderstanding my intentions. I don't decide who I hang out with, who I date based on type. That's not why I started this thread. I merely meant it as a talking point, and to hear if any ISFPs have had any experience dating INFPs.

I understand the types of perspectives you are attacking, but you are mistakenly projecting them onto me. I don't hold the kinds of opinions you are critiquing.
Then that's great! I can only hope you're true to your word.
Didn't assume you did, just said it's not the best and most efficient way of doing things.
Also, projecting is when the person himself does the things he's accusing others of doing, which here isn't the case.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@ferroequinologist

Thanks for the awesome post. That is very interesting; it does sound like you guys are almost opposites in so many ways. But, if you have been together so long, there really must be something very meaningful there.

I can definitely relate to the Ne+Fi vs Ni+Fe difference being a very large one. My sister is an ENFJ, and I've noticed that we are really quite bad at empathizing with each other in challenging situations. There really is a disconnect there because our focuses are so different; I'm not sure it is reconcilable in the sense of us ever truly being on the "same page". However, there is definitely a sort of mutual understanding that we are not the same, and that it's really, truly, alright.

One of my best friends is INFP and he says that's the thing he loves the most about our friendship. Figures, as Fi gets easily beaten, so when you find someone similar it's like quitting your day job and taking a vacation. INFPs are adorable. No drama, no pressure, all lovin' and fun. Just three things irk me about them, and none pertain to communication style. One is related to their area of interest in the fine arts (NFs in general), the second is how they just take anything and not say a word of protest. If you don't like to be in a certain situation, say so. Thirdly, they should practice more of what they say.
Hardest type to read for me.


Then that's great! I can only hope you're true to your word.
Didn't assume you did, just said it's not the best and most efficient way of doing things.
Also, projecting is when the person himself does the things he's accusing others of doing, which here isn't the case.
No worries, and yeah, I was sort of taking liberties with that word. :wink:

That is awesome to hear that you get along very well with INFPs. It has been my experience that there is really the potential for a very natural, easy connection between the types. There isn't really another type that I feel so familiar with, except perhaps ENFPs.

For instance, I am a quiet person, and am quite used to being overlooked by most people... But, I found my ISFP co-worker was surprisingly interested in and affectionate towards me after I started to get to know her. It isn't so often that people put such an effort into getting to know specifically me, so it was really a refreshing surprise.

In all honesty, she was part of the reason I made this thread. She is in a relationship, so we are just friends... but, it really got me wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone like her. She is so much like myself, but then again just different enough that I don't ever really know how she will react to a situation. I find that her kind of unpredictability (in my eyes) to be somehow really attractive in a person.
 

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Anyways, have any of you had any experiences dating an INFP? In general, have you found that you have decent chemistry with the INFPs you've met? Or is, the N - S difference perhaps a bit of a deal-breaker...?
Not that great of a match from what I have seen. They don't really complement one another. INFP ends up seeing ISFP as being too crude while ISFP sees INFP as too much of a softie.

In socionics these are kindred relations:
ISFP Love Types
INFP Love Types
 

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I've dated an INFP. Indeed, I married her. We're coming up to our 6 year anniversary this November.
Nice, awesome to hear! Not meaning to pry, but any challenges you could attribute to type? Or has it been mostly smooth sailing?

Not that great of a match from what I have seen. They don't really complement one another. INFP ends up seeing ISFP as being too crude while ISFP sees INFP as too much of a softie.

In socionics these are kindred relations:
ISFP Love Types
INFP Love Types
That is surprising actually, most of the Isfp's I've met seem like such gentle people. Well... I do know some can party really damn hard, but... they still don't really seem crude in my mind.
 

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One of my best friends for years is an Infp.
And i've been lucky enough to really get to know a few here on Perc.
But of course, there's good and bad in all types.

Granted, based on how well I get along with Infp's, I wouldn't mind dating one.
I think it could be absolutely wonderful.
 

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Nice, awesome to hear! Not meaning to pry, but any challenges you could attribute to type? Or has it been mostly smooth sailing?
Hm... not many challenges. A few... sometimes I find she has her head in the clouds, and then I just remind myself that she's having an INFP moment. Sometimes I think she might find me a bit silly (we ISFPs often seem to take life lightly when inside it's a different story). My wife and I are in a bicultural marriage (she's South Korean, I'm white Canadian), and I think we've had more challenges along those lines than we have based on N/S.
 

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I'm an infp dating an isfp and I guess theres up and downsides. I'll start with the problems (at least I've seen them as problems): both being perceivers, we often can decide what to do or no one ever takes the initiative. both introverts so neither of us are good at finding social events on weekends lol. And finally the Sensor-Intuitive difference is definitely a challenge..sometimes makes conversation hard/unfulfilling. I've come to the conclusion that Ne and Se cannot be of any help to each other and are just two separate perspectives that don't ever cross :p

But not to be such a downer.. Some of the good things are: having a fellow Fi person is really good bc I always have emotional support and we are often on the same page on a lot of moral issues. I NEVER have to worry about him being coldhearted or making me feel unimportant. Both types are easygoing, big fights are unlikely. Both of us have personal artsy projects going on and we can support each other, have fun watching, see the other's artistic perspective or whatever.
 

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I was veeery attracted by an ISFP (almost crazy). So imaginative, exiting and more realistic than me. He enjoys my company, I know he didn't feel anything for me. Despite this, we "have something" (because I thought I could change him) but his lack of love for me hurted myself so much. I decided to cut that relationship because it wasn't "real". But it hurts until now. He was no perfect, but I'm not sure I could find another man more charming than him :/.
 

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I know this thread is old but I thought I'd share my own experience dating my ISFP girlfriend. If there are any other INFPs worried about the compatibility, I'd highly encourage you to give it a shot as it's the best decision I ever made.

Sidenote: I'm not sure about other ISFPs but my ISFP girlfriend gave me this really cute first impression. She had alpaca stickers all over her laptop (LOL) and had doodles on her college notebooks.

To mention some positives and negatives with the INFP+ISFP relationship:
+ Both extremely empathetic to each other's insecurities and problems. I have this tendency to criticize myself and get down but she always says the right words to keep me positive. I also encourage her to tackle things she's unsure about (starting her Youtube channel, getting graphic design internships, etc.)
+ Always things to talk about and do. We are best friends who happen to be dating. We cook different recipes we find on the internet, go cave exploring, watch musicals, play Animal Crossing, etc.
+ Feeling of acceptance. I've never felt so understood before. She understands my need to zone out and just escape from everyone. She understands that I might obsess and talk her ears off out about my favorite album or TV series. She loves that I'm passionate about something and how deep I'm willing to explore.
+ Both really open. We've gotten to the point where one can be doing #2 while the other just stands there and talks LOL.

- Our place can be messy (Yikes!). I have problems organizing my room and she has problems hoarding stuff. We also need to remind each other to turn off the heater, clean the dishes, and finish the food in the refrigerator before it expires LOL. Downside of both being P's!
- It gets too comfortable hanging out with each other. Sometimes, we need to just hang out with our friends or host parties instead of being together 24/7.
- I've noticed I have a tendency to rage and blame myself easily. This hurts the ISFP since she is more easygoing and doesn't see the need to take everything so seriously. It's made me realize that my problems become her problems (again, goes back to ISFP's empathy) so I've tried to control my temper for her.

All in all, the ISFP+INFP relationship can definitely work if you are both willing to try! Lots of opportunities for self-improvement and what better way than a partner like the ISFP? ^^ Good luck!
 
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