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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my INTJ girlfriend recently broke up with me,

***BACKGROUND + LEAD UP***


so we met in highschool, aged 13, it was my first real relationship and hers too and we got along well. The relationship was good in the first 4 years we would talk often hang, out often, ride horses together after she taught me to ride, she would come to footy games, we both had the same ideas about kids, and in a general sense our life and had A great sex life.

So in the last year she became more inflexible in all areas, she found my easy going behaviour more and more immature, my light hearted attitude as childish and would often say I had to fix up those areas (amongst others) in order to survive in life....understandable but not that easy, it's a part of who I was.
She started to engage in less and less conversation I assumed it was my boring S style communication haha anyway I couldn't find anything to talk about when we where together and she seldom initiated the conversation, although I must mention that she often just enjoyed my company.

THEN I noticed myself changing, in the past if she snapped or critisised me I would become very caring and look above her the negative emotions and understand her point, but suddenly I would become passive aggressive when she would do these things to me, close my body language and introvert myself and stare off into the wall after it was done.
I would find that when we have arguments (even though they where more like discussions) I would have a very hard time expressing my thoughts and I would be very slow to react, my mind would often become blank when I tried to think it was infuriating. (At the same time I was thinking about more then just getting my point off, I was still very aware of how my words would impact both her and her opinion, I don't want to admit that I have insecurities about myself, my future, my capabilities as she has told me she needs some one to rely on, to lean on how could I let her know I am just as scared as her?) back to the main point.

She was very concerned about the future, very old school I was (fundamentally) less concerned with the far future and quite "do it my own way", she thought it was blank and white and I thought it was about compromise, she was used to a patiqular lifestyle (money) I was of the opinion that you must enjoy your work and money comes second (ha) in the end she was very critical "why do you listen to music so much?" "You have no idea how to act in social situations" (true, I was never taught the unwritten rules like she was and I had a much harder time caring for them).

This post might make her sound bad but it's definatly not to her fault entirely, I am kind of lazy, can't plan for shit, focus to much in the moment etc so a lot of her concerns where valid.

***BREAKUP + AFTERMATH***


So in the last month of our relationship we would only see each other on the weekends as we had commitments.
So on March 13th THE DAY of our 5th anniversary she called me in the morning and said "we need a break" I agreed as I thought I could work on myself though I was hurt for OBVIOUS reasons. She then sent me a text the Same day describing how she loved me to death she just needs to work herself out, that she could never live without me, she knows I'm hurt but that I should not worry since she just wants a break for a while. I replied along the lines of "of course I understand take as much time as you need baby"

Never the less I got impatient and last Sunday after sending her my new number I asked her how long she thought this break was going to be to which she informed me I don think we are working? When I asked her if she was thinking of breaking it off she told me she already had broken up with me. Wtf.
So I told her I thought we where on break and she said sorry I thought you would have gathered that since it had been a while since we last spoke. Boom heart shot

Gathered that? The fuck man? Thats some cold ass fucking logical talk for ending a 5 year relationship INTJ's these days. Though I suspect she may have been to upset to tell me properly, I can suspect all I want but if I can't confirm then I have no interest int my hypothesis.

Anyway hurt and angry I simply said "oh okay miscommunication, so be it then" as I have no interest in chasing anybody who doesn't want to be with me. That was our last text.

Anybody I'm not sure exactly what I want to say her I suppouse just get my thoughts down. Anyone's thoughts would be appreciated.
 

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Sorry mate. Seems this was for the best? Clearly it hadnt been going well for some time.

Think you said what you needed to, here, good for you move on things get better.

Very lame to break off like that but sometimes thats how it goes people are not always smooth.
 

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Nah I think feelers and thinkers can - I'm married to a thinker but he is very in touch with his emotions and very good at communicating, and I can be pretty clear-headed. But he did use to suck at emotions and he made a lot of mistakes along the way to meeting me!
@EthyWoo I understand your hurt... that is a shitty way to end a five year relationship, this girl obviously does not know how to negotiate relationships yet.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you find someone you can relate to better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the kind words guys!

yeah i think ill carry a little stigma towards INTJ's from now on :/ sorry INTJ's xD

anyways still young so its all good ;)
 

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imo feelers and thinkers should never be an in relationship. it's just for the greater good. ( that's just me though).
i think sensing and intuition are not good, i really like feelers.
Thanks for the kind words guys!

yeah i think ill carry a little stigma towards INTJ's from now on :/ sorry INTJ's xD

anyways still young so its all good ;)
i'm in a similar situation like you but i'm of the opposite "side" (INTP) that's why i'm here... she (ISFP) broke up for a not-logical reason and it sucks the same way.
do you know if she's having any problem to move on after the break up? and what about you?
i often had the same problem comunicating and talking for long and deep conversations, so how would you like a conversation with your ex? before and now
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
i'm in a similar situation like you but i'm of the opposite "side" (INTP) that's why i'm here... she (ISFP) broke up for a not-logical reason and it sucks the same way.
do you know if she's having any problem to move on after the break up? and what about you?
i often had the same problem comunicating and talking for long and deep conversations, so how would you like a conversation with your ex? before and now
I don't know if she is having trouble she is now saying she still wants to be friends if that helps, I'm upset but not destroyed and I think I can move on (slowly)

About the conversation thing can you clear up that questions? I can interpret it a few different ways written as it is.
 

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What would you like to hear from her? in a best case scenario, now and in a hypothetical past during fights like you wrote:

I would find that when we have arguments (even though they where more like discussions) I would have a very hard time expressing my thoughts and I would be very slow to react, my mind would often become blank when I tried to think it was infuriating. (At the same time I was thinking about more then just getting my point off, I was still very aware of how my words would impact both her and her opinion, I don't want to admit that I have insecurities about myself, my future, my capabilities as she has told me she needs some one to rely on, to lean on how could I let her know I am just as scared as her?) back to the main point.
 
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