Personality Cafe banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Interested in hearing from my fellow male ISFP's and how you guys deal with or have dealt with low self esteem issues. I've been feeling very useless, invisible, and unloved when it comes to my personal relationships with friends and family and I could really use some advice.

Of course as an ISFP, I'm not interested in any kind of pep talk; give me practical advice. :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
751 Posts
My self esteem is something that came from inside myself, the feeling that I know I'm worth it and I love myself. I'm not totally sure how it came about though, I think it just took time. A lot of people gain self esteem from experiences though, maybe performing something you're good at (for many ISFPs it's art or music) or social interactions.

I should probably add that my self esteem is imperfect. Usually if someone gives me a harsh comment, I act like it doesn't mean much, but inside I replay it over and over again. Sometimes recovering from that kind of stuff takes a few days.

I hope this is somewhat useful to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,721 Posts
Well, I'm an ISFJ, so my thoughts may not exactly match up...I think the ISF parts make someone somewhat prone to self esteem issues. In fact, I would imagine ISFP's have a tougher time dealing with them because it's not as natural to organize their thoughts and examine their feelings...though I could be wrong.

One thing that helped me actually was just learning about all of the MBTI stuff. Just understanding how I'm different from a lot of people I know gave me some peace, and it was also interesting to read how my type has a tendency to have these kinds of issues. Being introverted naturally makes you not stand out so much, and having a preference for feeling can lead to sensitivity to things. Sensing also makes one akin to noticing a lot of the details of comments made and relationships formed. All of this can lead to someone being unassuming, quiet and gentle, and therefore more likely to be unnoticed or taken for granted. In some ways it's almost a self-perpetuating monster...not being noticed can lead to lower self-esteem and higher self-consciousness, and this can lead to someone being even more shy and quiet, and it just creates a downward spiral.

I've heard it's even worse for ISFP's, who I've heard being labeled as invisible before. I would imagine the free flowing nature of the P type makes one drift and blend in even more than the J type, and also having trouble latching onto things. I'm just guessing here, but I can see how ISFP's could naturally have an even tougher time than us ISFJ's.


But that's just my own theory and stuff you probably already knew. :p So on to what little advice I have to offer.


For me, it's helped to identify the cause of my low self esteem. I've found that really a lot of it comes from other people, actually. Even though I'm the one who gets me down, usually it's because of how I feel about other people. So one thing that's helped me is to either not spend much time around people who get me down, or just to ignore what they say and just tell myself "What I think is more important than what they think." When it comes to being happy, there's nothing wrong with being selfish.

On that note, something else that helps a lot is finding something that makes you happy...even if this is something that you do by yourself. I really like going for long walks by myself...but I used to feel weird about it. I used to feel like I should want to do it with someone else. But I finally realized that there's nothing wrong with me enjoying something completely by myself...I love the freedom and peace that comes with it.

And that extends to any quirky or unusual thing you like to do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...if you like it, then it's good. Screw everyone else.


But...if you find that the problem is more about your relationships with people...then it helps a lot of time just to sit down and talk with those people. For me, being introverted, I usually like talking with people one on one. But a lot of times you have to be the one to initiate the conversation.


Here's one example: I had a friend from college who I liked a lot and enjoyed talking to. After we graduated, we lived very far away from each other and got out of the habit of talking. I would always think that since he would never call me, that he didn't want to speak to me anymore. I felt like he had forgotten about me and didn't want to talk to me any more...that he had moved on, or was too busy.

But, finally, I forced myself to call him. And not only did we have a very good conversation, but he was really happy I had called...he had just been so busy that it was hard for him to keep up with everything. So since then, he still almost never calls me...I almost always initiate the conversations. But it never bothers him and he always enjoys talking to me.

So I think sometimes we just go unnoticed because...we don't stand out much, and we don't take action. Which is fine if you're cool with it. But if you're not, sometimes you just have to push yourself to engage people, even if it feels awkward or if you're afraid of what they'll think. Because if you take that first step, a lot of times you get good results.



Ugh, my posts are always long. Anyway, don't know if any of that helps, but I tried!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,508 Posts
I like you guys. Reminds me of how INFP's and INFJ's get along. A lot of us have self esteem issues too :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,721 Posts
Yeah...blast these silly I-F tendencies. :p
 
  • Like
Reactions: CuritadeRana

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
When I deal with my low self esteem I try create something like a painting or a MIDI score, something that I created and can feel proud of. It´s a short term effect but it works.

I also try to take action towards changing what is causing my low self image. In my case it is my overall isolated lifestyle that needs changing. I need to interact more with people which will help me with my neurosis. I am very introverted but I still need some kind of interaction to at least feel connected with the world. Currently I feel like I´m completely isolated and no one really cares. I feel this way because I am almost always alone. When I´m not alone I can feel that the person I´m by doesn´t really care about me.

I will interact more with people by finding another job, possibly night shift, where it´s easier to interact with people. Don´t get me started about the coldness of my current job. What I´m hoping is that by changing jobs I will be exposed to a lot of new people and increase the chances of meeting someone I resonate with. A job is good for this because you don´t have to get to know someone immediately - you can pace yourself. Going to college will have the same effect but at school people are usually more standoff-ish I´ve noticed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
217 Posts
I've had incredible days where honestly I was at the top of the world. I had all the confidence I wanted, and I had no fear. Girls flocked to me, especially at parties when I could reach this epitome of great feeling.

The way I got it? I've noticed I have to talk to a lot of people. It's like a ladder for me, talk to one person, talk to another, talk to another, then people come and start talking to you, and if their all good convos and you got a couple of new friends, my quietness, and self-conscious just suddenly washes away and I reach a new level of happiness and energy. People notice drastically when I suddenly reach this awakening, and are always telling me to get like that again the next day... Sadly I need to climb those steps to feel like that, or else I just feel to myself, and layed back.

Also when I play sports, and i'm one of the better players I turn into a king as well and feel like I can order everyone around which gives me that great feeling again as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,064 Posts
I don't really have self esteem issues, although maybe they are just really repressed for me and I won't let them get out XD

One thing you guys could do is realize you are here, and how lucky you are. Seriously, the chances of you being born are astronomically low. Your parents had to get together, and both of there parents', and their's, so on and so on. It grows exponentially and if you add in the chances of life happening on Earth it's even lower!!!

Wow I'm feeling pumped up now lol
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
656 Posts
Interested in hearing from my fellow male ISFP's and how you guys deal with or have dealt with low self esteem issues. I've been feeling very useless, invisible, and unloved when it comes to my personal relationships with friends and family and I could really use some advice.

Of course as an ISFP, I'm not interested in any kind of pep talk; give me practical advice. :tongue:
I'm not a guy but I do remember all throughout school how English teachers would comment in my papers that I was too passive. Even sometimes during conflict people would get upset that I would behave in a passive manner. Well years of that can really get to you and I decided that it would be a good idea to work on developing the male aspects of my character especially when I entered the working world. It must be working because now sometimes my post get mistaken for a guy writing them or even some of my colleagues at work will call me sir even though I remind them time and again it is ma'am (part of it is because I am the only female but I take it as a compliment)

I think what really helped me in my confidence is not only accepting myself as I am (not too much or too little of anything) and taking the good advice out of people's comments. In reality it is better to be balanced in one's male/female characteristics and certain situations will call for one or the other. The other thing is it really helps to put yourself in a position to help others and volunteering is a great way to get over those feelings as you work with people who really are invisible and unloved. Donating your time, energy, and money to social causes not only is beneficial to the community but to your overall general health. It actually kicks off a positive feedback loop because you will also build your own skills and confidence as you challenge yourself. People are attracted to positive and confident people and maybe you will be the inspiration your family has been waiting for.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
265 Posts
I am very accepting of everything, I wouldn't say that I am passive or apathetic, although all three of these adjectives result in taking little to no action when confronted with something. Because I take no action when action may have been called for, I feel bad and get low self-esteem.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
As another I-F male, my low self-esteem issues only really peak after long exposure to the aggressive/alpha-male mindset. I just remind myself that those guys are generally suffering from even lower self-esteem than I am, that's why they are acting that way. Generally people with high self-esteem of any personality type will be warm and welcoming no matter what.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
I get low self esteem almost everyday It deosn't stay long for most days I get threw it by reading a book or watching a good movie or going for a walk, music anything to keep my mind from thinking of those bad thoughts. I like listenign to rap music or some old school rock n roll, The rap muisc I can get into the worlds and it makes me fel alot better about myself, The rock n Roll I can listen to the music and it takes me to a better place. I should be taking pills I guess if i went that route and went to see a doc for it but I'm agianst taking pill and stuff not unless I was seriously injured. I do smoke some maryjane every now and then and it fills my mind with other thoughts then depression! I'm a positive person and I'm always looking for a positive in every situation but... with every positive there's a negative so I try to be as Positive as I can be. Everyone who knows me knows I always have something posiitive to say but they don't know what goes on in the inside.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
98 Posts
For me it comes and goes. Ive changed my self image by losing weight. Since I feel more attractive now it seems that my self-esteem issues have subsided. I also have a very close friend of mine who has helped me out of my shell and has taught me that it doesnt matter what others think about you.

One thing I try to remind myself and others is that happiness is a personal thing. You cant rely on others to make you happy, you have to have your own devices to make yourself happy. Whether that be helping someone, creating something, or whatever it may be. Do that thing and do it to the best of your abilities.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top