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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
That's so funny; my long distance guy is an INTJ. We haven't met in person yet unfortunately, but when we cam it's kind of different than being on the phone. On the phone we bounce ideas off of eachother (we're both very strong-minded & tend to think altruistically) and are pretty equally chatty. He's my best friend and I feel closer to him than anyone else. But on cam, he's more reserved and it seems like he struggles to make eye contact whereas I'm pretty out there, look at him a lot, and I worry it's overwhelming or that he thinks it's unattractive. : / Did you two ever experience that?? I just have this fear that if we hang out in public or even just face to face in person, he'll be turned off with how I am. But because I know how passionate and insightful he is, I doubt my feelings will change just because we can see each other.

You have helped so much regardless. Somehow I feel better thinking I'm ESFP, too. Thank you so much for going out of your way.

@Taco Bella

With my husband--the ESFP--he thought I was the 'too intense one,' but that has to do with our different backgrounds:

He grew up mostly in rural areas, moving to a large, diverse city when he was a senior in high school--to San Diego specifically.

I was born and raised in a large city, mostly in the 'hood as they used to say (maybe still do), and then working class neighborhoods, so I was outspoken, which by his upbringing meant 'arrogant' and 'rude.'

Also, for an extravert he was shy, not to be mistaken for introverted; whereas I, the introvert, was not shy--not when I wanted something as my mother described it, "You're like your father (who is an ISTJ); like a dog with a bone!"

I wanted my husband, and he said that he 'needed me' before he loved me.

So, in person, if your boyfriend finds you too intense, when you can, tone it down somewhat, but at the same time, be yourself.

In other words, your INTJ has to know who he is getting involved with, and he as well as you will need to make certain adjustments while not giving in on what matters most to you or cannot be changed without causing extreme cognitive dissonance.

My husband and I started as friends, became best friends, then lovers, and after five years, we got married.

We've been together 29 years--more than half our lives.

We were out earlier today taking a walk and he said something sexual to me with a hint of (to my mind) too much intensity, and that fighter from the 'hood came out in me, playful but also fierce:

I immediately put up my fists and planted my feet, grinning, and said, "Wanna go toe to toe with me?"

He grinned back, and behind his eyes? Respect.

He knows how fierce I can be because of how I have been, yet that fierceness has mostly been to protect him, never to have to protect myself against him.

I told him, after I stopped messing with him, "If some people on PerC could see me now, they'd say, "Oh, she's a sensor!" but those who would do that do not take upbringing into consideration or allow for anything less than stereotypes and extremes.

I mean that the ones who do this kind of labeling and think 'on sight' and on 'one example' they can type someone are not looking deeply enough because, eh, we are all so much more complicated than our MBTI personality four letters.

You're as ESFP, and to my mind, a likable, smart one.

I'm glad you're on this site. And also that I could help you. ✍(◔◡◔)
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