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He's extremely dedicated to our relationship and I am too, but he expresses it more whereas I keep it inside and express my feelings at special moments. I've learned from previous relationships and life experiences that it's extremely important to be independent, not lose myself, and stand up for myself in the relationship. But he's completely all about "us" and "togetherness" to the point where he will change for me and expect me to change for him. Basically, he's all about "two halves make a whole" and i'm more about "two make a couple."

I think my independence scares him and I don't know how to tell him that I need to feel strong at the same time while feeling "unified" and supported. I definitely think there's a realistic SP v. idealistic NF language barrier.

Any advice from ENFP's on what to do? Don't get me wrong, I have intense, deep, and true feelings for him, but I'm just aware of what getting too far in can do eventually.
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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I'm pretty sure I know an INFP that had that same problem... Fi dominance, you know ;) I think the person best suited to give you the ENFP male perspective is @The Roving ENFP. His lovely INFP girlfriend is a lot like you, but they both worked out their differences :) They've had a complete 180 turn-around. It's a truly fantastic story!
 

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thank you! but i definitely think the problem is more S and N, rather than just only introverted feeling.
 

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I'm pretty sure I know an INFP that had that same problem... Fi dominance, you know ;) I think the person best suited to give you the ENFP male perspective is @The Roving ENFP . His lovely INFP girlfriend is a lot like you, but they both worked out their differences :) They've had a complete 180 turn-around. It's a truly fantastic story!
haha.. Thanks Ace! :tongue: .. My INFP pretty much just looked at my computer then.. LOL! That's another thing I've had to learn about - that Fi Doms really need privacy.. Hmm.. But this post does look pretty important. I take it that for you @aon11deag this is a very serious issue, so I will try and contribute as much as I can without saying too much sensitive info. :tongue:

thank you! but i definitely think the problem is more S and N, rather than just only introverted feeling.
Hmm.. Maybe, but I can't say I completely agree with the box you've created.. I'll try and illustrate as best as I can. :happy:

He's extremely dedicated to our relationship and I am too, but he expresses it more whereas I keep it inside and express my feelings at special moments.
Yeah, I understand this and I had to learn how to understand this myself. My INFP expresses love differently to me, and while it seemed to me that she wasn't actually expressing love "as much" - she actually was. I eventually learnt this and I saw it. It's not that she expresses it less, it's that she expresses it differently. When I understood that (and this is a revelation he must come to himself) it really made me recognize how stupid I was and how much my lady really did love me. :happy: .. To be honest, it was the most beautiful revelation I could come to.

Can I also say in response to your previous comment that this is actually a matter of an expression of dominant Introverted Feeling. It is important to note that there are differences. Once these differences of the introvert and extrovert are actually seen and understood by the other party, (because it goes both ways) they can come to really appreciate the individual expressions (that although different) each individual gives. i think it comes down to a mutual understanding of how love is expressed in a relationship. :happy:

I've learned from previous relationships and life experiences that it's extremely important to be independent, not lose myself, and stand up for myself in the relationship. But he's completely all about "us" and "togetherness" to the point where he will change for me and expect me to change for him. Basically, he's all about "two halves make a whole" and i'm more about "two make a couple."
I agree. Relationship and evolutionary psychologist John Gray suggested that a partner in a relationship shouldn't derive more than 10% of their happiness in day to day living from their partner. The other 90% of happiness should come from different sources including personal security. But becareful when playing with somatics because it can be just a matter of different expression of the same thing. Something practical may be to see how well he gives and receives space, as well as whether he has a social life apart from you. Does he have a best friend? Does he have a group of mates he can hang out with? etc. Those are important properties of a healthy partner.

I think my independence scares him and I don't know how to tell him that I need to feel strong at the same time while feeling "unified" and supported. I definitely think there's a realistic SP v. idealistic NF language barrier.
Becareful of the box.. I think it might just be a matter of his understanding of how you communicate love. For me that was a struggle. I wasn't feeling the love as much because I didn't understand it as I should have.. Your individuality doesn't intimidate him as such, but probably makes him feel "unloved".. He perceives love different from you. It's all about a mutual understanding. :happy:

Any advice from ENFP's on what to do? Don't get me wrong, I have intense, deep, and true feelings for him, but I'm just aware of what getting too far in can do eventually.
Communication and space my friend. I think that's what it comes down to. If he is able to function healthily on his own without you, then that is a sign that he is mature enough to be with you - I know this because that is something that I had to curb. Just be sure to talk to him always and make sure you convey your feelings in a way that makes sense.

I would suggest taking a step back and looking at it from a 3rd person perspective. Look at some of the things I have suggested in this post to look out for.. they are good indicators..

@aon11deag :
I really hope that helps.. I'll keep checking in on this thread to see how you are progressing.
:happy:
 
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