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Hey, I am a 19 year old male ISFP.

In the past there were always people around, I actually had quite some friends and really enjoyed spending time with them.

Now, I am out of school, in my second gap year focusing on music. It is just that now, I've lost contact with many friends and I am not around a lot of people anymore. I'm now in a situation where I have to go out proactively and meet new people... And I find it DAMN hard to do, it takes such effort, like carrying a boulder up a hill... It is draining. I just stand there and feel out of place, feel uncertain, trying to hide it and look cool. Like I am just so afraid of getting rejected or hurt, I've been living without much of a social life for months now because of it. I find it hard to believe that other people would like me, even my friends, because I feel almost noone really knows me. How can someone like me if they don't even know me?

Also I feel very out of synch with most people. My interests and habits are so different from many people around my age, it is hard for me to really relate to them.

The only time I feel comfortable with people now is when I feel certain that they respect me and see me as significant. When I KNOW someone likes me, and isn't going to hurt me, like after a live performance, or with kids.

I really need to change this, I'm tired of being alone all the time. I just want to be comfortable with people, and be able to enjoy other people's company. Overcome the goddamned uncomfortableness and have real meaningful friendships.

Hopefully an ISFP that has overcome something like this can share how they dealt with something like this... That would be awesome.

And to all ISFP's:
How do you feel about meeting new people?
How do you deal with (possible) rejection?
What are some things that have helped you get better with and around people?

thank you very much for answering, I really appreciate it.
 

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I have gone thru this and am currently right now. I'm starting to think it's just a part of growing up. My problem is I went to college and am now back home, and it's been quite the adjustment. It's almost like a trapped feeling even though I get along with my family.

Anyways, I've never been good at casual friendships, so it's something I'm trying to work on. I know there's always more room to get better. Have you tried going to something organized? Anything with a purpose? A sports league, a random club, a religious group...I feel that makes meeting people at least a little better because you are there for the same reason, therefore you at least have one thing in common.

As for your questions:
1. When I meet new people I usually assume they might be an ass, not like me, or something crazy like that. I feel that the more isolated I am and if it keeps up week after week it just makes me feel that much more awkward around new people. I'm trying to fight that by talking to more people even if it's superficial. I'm in a customer service job so I guess that has helped.

2. I don't like rejection. It's just awkward and not a good feeling. I generally do things to try to avoid it.

3. Again, I feel that my job has helped me get better with people. I've had customer service jobs for a long time and am now just starting to use my position to get better at dealing with people. I think it's made it easier because it's work so it's a relatively safe environment, rejection free! I'm learning that when I put myself out there more, other people actually like talking to me versus me being quiet. It's actually helped my confidence a lot in just a few short months. So, I guess my suggestion would be to get a job that forces you to talk to others/meet new people.
 

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I generally like meeting new people, I think of it as a chance to make more friends.

I hate rejection, I've done things or rather, I've done nothing so that I don't have to potentially go through rejection. However, that's the thing, I'm more scared of possibly being rejected than I am of actually being rejected. I've heard what helps is to just learn to be able to take rejection. So I've been trying to not think of rejection as a loss, but rather as a gain because I'm doing something I fear and out of my comfort zone. I can't play it safe forever, that will get me nowhere.

I think what helps to be better with people, is to just be around people. Socialize and interact with others, watch how others do it if you're unsure. You'll hopefully get better with experience, better than nothing.
 

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Have you tried going to something organized? Anything with a purpose? A sports league, a random club, a religious group...I feel that makes meeting people at least a little better because you are there for the same reason, therefore you at least have one thing in common.
I found this to help alot. Makes is SO much easier to start a conversation.

Anyways Nayru, I've been in your shoes. I'm friends with only 2 people from high school and even now I rarely talk with them. All my friends now I have met at different jobs or at college or at church and yes they were customer service oriented jobs. Helps get you out of the comfort zone. There are times I realize when you start feeling isolated. I will sometimes get out of the house and go to a public place just for the heck of it. Whether its a book store, coffee shop or whatever. Its crazy how many times you come across someone you haven't talked to in ages. As far as rejection goes, thats just a fear you personally have to overcome. "As a man thinks in his heart (mind), so he will become" the old proverb says. People notice when you think/see yourself as insignificant.
 

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I have no problem with meeting new people, or starting conversations with them. It's mainly keeping the relationship going. Just like on The Sims, were you make a friend and you just don't contact them once you have got to that stage in the relationship, because you are too busy doing your own thing. Then that message appears, telling you that the sim feels like you are neglecting them. I'm a bit too independent for my own good at times.
 

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firedell your post made me lol. Nice abstract thinking there relating this to the sims. I would have to agree with you that maintaining old relationships with friends can be difficult. Everyone just gets so busy and most of the time I just... forget I guess.

I would have to agree with all the above comments. The best thing to do would be to just go out to some sort of event or whatever you have locally and meet people there, whether it be a sport, party, or local book store. Its always nice to meet new people, and besides I believe you can learn something from anyone you meet.
 

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Hey, I am a 19 year old male ISFP.

In the past there were always people around, I actually had quite some friends and really enjoyed spending time with them.

Now, I am out of school, in my second gap year focusing on music. It is just that now, I've lost contact with many friends and I am not around a lot of people anymore. I'm now in a situation where I have to go out proactively and meet new people... And I find it DAMN hard to do, it takes such effort, like carrying a boulder up a hill... It is draining. I just stand there and feel out of place, feel uncertain, trying to hide it and look cool. Like I am just so afraid of getting rejected or hurt, I've been living without much of a social life for months now because of it. I find it hard to believe that other people would like me, even my friends, because I feel almost noone really knows me. How can someone like me if they don't even know me?

Also I feel very out of synch with most people. My interests and habits are so different from many people around my age, it is hard for me to really relate to them.

The only time I feel comfortable with people now is when I feel certain that they respect me and see me as significant. When I KNOW someone likes me, and isn't going to hurt me, like after a live performance, or with kids.

I really need to change this, I'm tired of being alone all the time. I just want to be comfortable with people, and be able to enjoy other people's company. Overcome the goddamned uncomfortableness and have real meaningful friendships.

Hopefully an ISFP that has overcome something like this can share how they dealt with something like this... That would be awesome.

And to all ISFP's:
How do you feel about meeting new people?
How do you deal with (possible) rejection?
What are some things that have helped you get better with and around people?

thank you very much for answering, I really appreciate it.
My friend, I was in the exact same position as you a month ago. I was so lonely I couldn't even believe. You can't have social opportunities if you don't go and look! Try finding out about some local social gatherings. Though, I know it can be hard. I promise though, that things WILL get better for you. I felt hopeless a month ago and now I feel alot better, after applying myself to social events more.

Keep your head up and take care friend. You're not alone.
 

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Hey, I am a 19 year old male ISFP.

In the past there were always people around, I actually had quite some friends and really enjoyed spending time with them.

Now, I am out of school, in my second gap year focusing on music. It is just that now, I've lost contact with many friends and I am not around a lot of people anymore. I'm now in a situation where I have to go out proactively and meet new people... And I find it DAMN hard to do, it takes such effort, like carrying a boulder up a hill... It is draining. I just stand there and feel out of place, feel uncertain, trying to hide it and look cool. Like I am just so afraid of getting rejected or hurt, I've been living without much of a social life for months now because of it. I find it hard to believe that other people would like me, even my friends, because I feel almost noone really knows me. How can someone like me if they don't even know me?

Also I feel very out of synch with most people. My interests and habits are so different from many people around my age, it is hard for me to really relate to them.

The only time I feel comfortable with people now is when I feel certain that they respect me and see me as significant. When I KNOW someone likes me, and isn't going to hurt me, like after a live performance, or with kids.

I really need to change this, I'm tired of being alone all the time. I just want to be comfortable with people, and be able to enjoy other people's company. Overcome the goddamned uncomfortableness and have real meaningful friendships.

Hopefully an ISFP that has overcome something like this can share how they dealt with something like this... That would be awesome.

And to all ISFP's:
How do you feel about meeting new people?
How do you deal with (possible) rejection?
What are some things that have helped you get better with and around people?

thank you very much for answering, I really appreciate it.
I feel like this could happen to me after I graduate high school.

To answer your questions:
1. I like meeting new people.
2. Happens a lot to me. I brush it off. I got used to it.
3. I analyze the conversations between individuals or in a group. Go to the internet for advice.
 

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I find it very hard to have a social life as most of my friends or people I know want to go out to clubs and either get very drunk or dance stupidly all night. I'm 23 and I find going to nightclubs really uncomfortable and extremely stressful. There's nothing worse than really loud people all around me and people being rude or aggressive as they are drunk.
My perfect night would be sitting around a table full of candles and wine and food and talking about lots of different things and listening to each other. Or even a night of drawing or movie watching.

It upsets me that some people may think I am boring because I like these things. Sometimes I'd rather have my weekends alone as I'm happier alone.

When I first meet people I am weary of them, I tend to analyse them really quick or look for 'clues' of their personality. Usually if I have good feelings about a person and they respect me for being my little ISFP self then I will contact them again, however if I know I wouldn't be able to get along with someone I usually stop contact. This may be a little harsh I know but it's a way of protecting my feelings.

I don't deal with rejection very well. If it's a friend or someone I like then I am really really hurt. To be honest I am guilty of being overly nice to people to avoid rejection.

One of the things that has helped me be better around people is reading this website. I now know that people are different because everyone has a different personality and that way I can understand why people are the way they are. They then seem less scary to socialise with!
 

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I'm now in a situation where I have to go out proactively and meet new people... And I find it DAMN hard to do, it takes such effort, like carrying a boulder up a hill... It is draining. I just stand there and feel out of place, feel uncertain, trying to hide it and look cool. Like I am just so afraid of getting rejected or hurt, I've been living without much of a social life for months now because of it. I find it hard to believe that other people would like me, even my friends, because I feel almost noone really knows me. How can someone like me if they don't even know me?

Also I feel very out of synch with most people. My interests and habits are so different from many people around my age, it is hard for me to really relate to them.

The only time I feel comfortable with people now is when I feel certain that they respect me and see me as significant. When I KNOW someone likes me, and isn't going to hurt me...
My God, I could've written this. I'm in pretty much the same situation, and I can't seem to do anything about it. =(
I guess other people've given you some excellent advice (which I should follow, I guess, or try to) but now I just feel so uncertain about myself.
The best advice I can give you is:

Listen to lots of lovely music (Simon & Garfunkel, Don McLean, Nick Drake are three of my favourites), read books, especially funny ones (R.K. Narayan is good for that, if you can get your hands on him) or do some sort of creative activity - like painting or poetry or sculpting or... or basically anything that makes you *feel* positive strong emotions. Otherwise if you sit there brooding you'll just feel worse and worse and worse about yourself.

Hopefully that helps, even a bit.
Peace. :)
 
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Hey I actually feel the same things. I really feel bad about it, maybe its just the new ideology comes in the way. Im here hiding and not really interact to people. The only thing I do is understand them. Its hard to accept the the people around us dont understand us and making fun of us. I feel I that I dont have the right to live like the others do. anyway im trying to accept things now. I know its hard but its here now.
 

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I can say im a bot because I have no social life, uncomfortable around people, socially unaccepted, and too much feeling of out of placeness. I feel so bad because in the past I dont feel this. I feel comfortable before and I want to go back to the old me where its easy to go around the whole place, to laugh out loud, to greet people I meet. Arggghh! I feel like Im a prisoner in my own home! Fuck!
Life is playing with me! And I just cant do anything but to accept these things and understand people.
 
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