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Discussion Starter #1
How do you deal with jealousy?

I guess I'm just asking because I'm kinda having a tough time with it atm.

Made the mistake of looking at my ex bf facebook page a few days ago. I already knew he was with someone else but seeing the page brought back all the jealous feelings - this is what I could/should have etc :( I feel like I'm not as great at dealing with jealously as people of other types might be.

So anyway I feel a lil sad and just wondered how other ISFPs deal with this kinda of stuff.
 

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I can honestly say I don't really have problems in this area, which is kind of amazing. I can't help being happy for other people most of the time. I won't deny getting pangs, but, to sound corny, it's what you do with the pangs that defines you. TBH, for the most part, jealousy hurts no one but the jealous person. It seems too miserable a state to allow for oneself. Joy for others, and through others, is more comfortable.

I was just talking with my sister today, about how, when as kids, our older sister got to do stuff, this other sister would become envious, whereas I would just admire and hope for the same one day maybe, or more often than not, something --activity, person, happening -- quite different and of my own imagination: something private, individual and secret.

Perhaps this is jealousy of sorts, but it is not a grudging kind but perhaps something far more vicarious.

I craved all my older siblings accumulation of experiences and the way they experienced it more than the specific experience itself. It was never about replacement: switching places. It was really more about what can be expected from life, about learning, what are my boundaries, what is the earth made for, than possession or comfort. I'm jealous for life in a way I can hardly describe.


I can't deny having wished for someone's attention that was given to someone else though; the only difference I can make for myself, is not that I wish the other person would receive less (which I personally know some jealous persons to desire, with pleasure), but only that I could receive more. The vicarious thing again. It's more about craving than territory for me. I could care less about territory and status.

All in all, I consider my jealousies impulsive and fanciful, and thank God, not life-impacting or lasting jealousies.

I do, however, sometimes suspect a subconscious jealousy over feminity which I reacted to by becoming a tomboy. I couldn't say for sure though. Being not a typical girl is so engrained in me now, I actually can find my feminine moments tragically tiring or embarassing, or else extremely private and valuable parts of me. An overtender jealous part perhaps? ;)
 

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Wow that was long.

I also have to say, that since I think that some jealousy is a healthy, normal and moral thing in romantic relationships, that it's only natural you might find yourself jealous for someone till you have a new focus.


What would be more concerning is if you do have someone new that you care about and still feel jealous about someone else who also has someone new.
 

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I can so relate to your posts. I was just saying to a friend yesterday that sometimes I wish I could be more jealous, because I wouldn't put up with things I shouldn't put up with!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Wow that was long.

I also have to say, that since I think that some jealousy is a healthy, normal and moral thing in romantic relationships, that it's only natural you might find yourself jealous for someone till you have a new focus.


What would be more concerning is if you do have someone new that you care about and still feel jealous about someone else who also has someone new.
Thanks for your reply. You are right, it is natural that I feel this way, until I have a new focus. I suppose I know that its ok to have these feelings and that they will pass in time.

Also you said in your post that you felt when "as kids, our older sister got to do stuff, this other sister would become envious, whereas I would just admire and hope for the same one day maybe". This makes sense - I do this with other people who have things in their life that I would like (apart from romantic jealously situations). Rather than being jealous I think of it that I can aim to have something similar in my own life. And also to be happy because it shows that life can be nice and good.
 

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Wow that was long.

I also have to say, that since I think that some jealousy is a healthy, normal and moral thing in romantic relationships, that it's only natural you might find yourself jealous for someone till you have a new focus.


What would be more concerning is if you do have someone new that you care about and still feel jealous about someone else who also has someone new.

Your post reminded me that, historically, jealousy and envy were different entirely.

Jealous was over something you possess. I'm jealous over my wife and children, for instance.

Envy, on the other hand, was over something you don't have. You envy somebody for their car or popularity. I suppose one could also, in some contexts, call it covetousness.

So, in your post above, re: romantic relationships, jealousy--to some degree--could be considered a good thing.
 

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How do you deal with jealousy?

I guess I'm just asking because I'm kinda having a tough time with it atm.

Made the mistake of looking at my ex bf facebook page a few days ago. I already knew he was with someone else but seeing the page brought back all the jealous feelings - this is what I could/should have etc :( I feel like I'm not as great at dealing with jealously as people of other types might be.

So anyway I feel a lil sad and just wondered how other ISFPs deal with this kinda of stuff.
I'm not sure because I don't really understand jealousy. if someone you like/love has something you don't why be jealous? if someone you dislike has something you don't, STILL, why be jealous? if you dislike them they have nothing you'd want that's worth getting envious over.

I think the only 2 times I may have ever felt jealous (and I say may because I really am that unfamiliar with jealousy) were 1) I was younger and for a split second felt jealous that Sarah got King Jareth in Labyrinth. Not kidding. But then I decided I could be Sarah and it was all good. :tongue: 2) at church my youth pastor was showing us his daughter's art. it was pretty good and they praised it. I'm an artist but almost never finish what I start and rarely do I have an opportunity to show anyone so I felt bad that her art was getting recognition and appreciation but mine doesn't.
 

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Jealousy bug has gotten me too many times than I could handle lol.

In my experience with my ex, it would just get me angrier and aggravated. Nothing would help me and then I focused the negative energy into writing songs. All the songs I write. . . they can't be happy and it's always about my ex (trying to write about something else is hard LOL) but it's something.
 

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How do you deal with jealousy?

I guess I'm just asking because I'm kinda having a tough time with it atm.

Made the mistake of looking at my ex bf facebook page a few days ago. I already knew he was with someone else but seeing the page brought back all the jealous feelings - this is what I could/should have etc :( I feel like I'm not as great at dealing with jealously as people of other types might be.

So anyway I feel a lil sad and just wondered how other ISFPs deal with this kinda of stuff.
Ahhhhhhhh! Same. But like I know I shouldn't be jelly of his new girly. Even though its not my place or any of my business, I usually end up pointing out all of her good traits like: she's very pretty, she seems very nice. But deep down I'm jealous as blazing hell. Usually when jealousy bugs me, I talk to my friends, and they tend to give me advice that is very helpful (which is listed below).

A cure? I don't think there is one, but maybe a little advice from my experience

option A:
Well us ISFP's are prone to morbid curiosity. So the best thing to do, is try your hardest to avoid the ex's page. Hurry and look away before your sucked into this big arse tidal wave of curiosity. Because when I'm curious, I tend to dig and dig until I regret it.

Option B:
Also think of the reasons why you and your ex aren't together, then you'll end up feeling better and might say "Oh she can have him. > . > what the hell was I thinking?". Because most of the time when we see our ex-related we tend to miss the good times, and ignore the struggles and why the relationship flat-lined. That actually makes me feel better. This might be harder if the other person broke it off with you. But still it's nice to attempt, and you may come to find out that, that person wasn't the best for you emotionally anyways. Wish them the best of luck (and mean it).

I think we become attached to the way the person made us feel then the person themselves. I could be wrong.

But there are 7 billion people out there, and out of all the billions there are many that can be better for you(more compatible) and make you feel better then your ex ever did. Also music, very happy music or something to keep your mind entertained until your no longer thinking about it.
 
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