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Ehh, I find myself getting irritated by a lot of little things that aren't worth mentioning. This may not be exactly what you mean, but I don't start a confrontation unless it's really worth the trouble. I once had to deal with a really irritating ESFJ (he would come over drunk and lecture me about how I should treat my husband, and once he got all freaked on me because I was at his house and didn't talk to his wife.... she didn't talk to me either; we were watching a soccer game). So after he started being ridiculous for the last time, yelling at me and talking down to me and just being an all-around jerk, I told him he was a douche and left. I haven't had to deal with him since then. I even apologized to him for the misunderstanding (not for calling him a douche) that caused him to be so crude to me, but we haven't spoken since.

I once told him that I didn't know what to believe when talking to him because he contradicts himself so much. (On the one hand, saying someone is a "feckless shitwaud" and then turning around and saying "I love him" about the same person.)

I can't deal with people who talk out of their asses, and I think that's what most INFPs can't stand. In any case, George Carlin was right when he said "There's a certain amount of bullshit that keeps the world running." I can deal with that. But I can't deal with people who are just blatant bullshitting liars or suck-ups.
 

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I think there's a difference between hiding my tender feelings, and pretending to be something I'm not to get gain. I dislike people who pretend to be my friend, when I can feel they have ulterior motives, or people who smile to cover a lie. I don't mind people, like myself, who cannot/do not trust, so they are silent.
 

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Yes, it is in a way very ironic. this is something I've mused over before. Nothing turns me off more than "fake" - anything fake from boobs on the ladies to faking beliefs, friends, and "you" . Genuine is what its about.

But there's a difference. I'm protecting my inner self. when i'm quiet and reserved I'm still being *me*, i'm not going out of my way to pretend to be some one/thing else. I'm not trying to please anybody but #1. Everyone has relationships with others. My close relationships are just fewer and harder to get in to see the more interesting side of myself.

someone who is "fake" is trying to please others, they're lying to themselves about who they are, what they believe and what they want to do.
 

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I never pretend to be someone I'm not. My personality has many facets, and I adjust which facets I show according to the people I'm around at the time.

It's not like I am lying in order to impress, manipulate, or use someone. It is my natural reflex, because I hate conflict and seek harmony when I have to be social. I won't lie about my beliefs/values to please others, I will just keep my silence to keep the peace. :)
 

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Well, I know that one of my friends sees me as "two-faced" and I am willing to acknowledge her point of view. What she finds two-faced about me is that I can intensely dislike flaws in other people, yet I still treat such people cordially. Or that I sometimes "try" to understand someone else's point of view, even if it's not the viewpoint I personally hold. She thinks I am a cynic, and I wouldn't disagree with that label, but I think it's a term that limits me.

It's not that I think that I need to be a different person in front of other people--it's that I don't think that everybody needs to know who I am. I am not going to extend a personal connection to another person if I don't feel that we are going to get along. I do want to understand other people--partly because I am curious, and partly because if I like what I see, then I am willing to raise the stakes. I admit that this is selfish behavior, but I think everybody is to some extent, and I view selfish controlling behavior as much more dangerous than selfish reclusive behavior.
 

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who they really are from people, and act a little different, either to avoid conflicting with the other person's personality or because they're too afraid of rejection to be true.
Nah. I don't think its ironic nor do I think its fake. It would be fake however if a person hide how they were from certain people because they wish to be perceived differently or don't like them. For instance if someone was quite pleasant when you met them but later you over hear them talking shit behind your back. That's being Fake, or two-faced. So I guess you would only be fake if your intentions are malicious...
 

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I think that INFPs are guarded for the most part precisely because they are afraid of that rejection. I don't take that against them. As an INTP (hanging around INFP threads because I want to know more about you guys), I try my very best not to hide myself from other people. I was an inveterate asshole back when I was younger, so lectures on psychiatry and philosophy have helped made me into a guy that's a lot more tempered and amiable. I find that I tend to lose my grip on anger much later than I did, although I'm still steadfast when it comes to values I am truly invested in. I somehow practice that aspect of yours to keep quiet against people I do not like and to share only the inner aspects of myself to people I have grown to trust. I believe I am more easily trusting than you guys, however, I trust only a few people. I think it's not really limited to your type. I avoid talking to people I dislike, and also avoid sharing information about my life to them. It's not being 'fake,' it's being human. :)
 

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Ehh, I find myself getting irritated by a lot of little things that aren't worth mentioning. This may not be exactly what you mean, but I don't start a confrontation unless it's really worth the trouble. I once had to deal with a really irritating ESFJ (he would come over drunk and lecture me about how I should treat my husband, and once he got all freaked on me because I was at his house and didn't talk to his wife.... she didn't talk to me either; we were watching a soccer game). So after he started being ridiculous for the last time, yelling at me and talking down to me and just being an all-around jerk, I told him he was a douche and left. I haven't had to deal with him since then. I even apologized to him for the misunderstanding (not for calling him a douche) that caused him to be so crude to me, but we haven't spoken since.

I once told him that I didn't know what to believe when talking to him because he contradicts himself so much. (On the one hand, saying someone is a "feckless shitwaud" and then turning around and saying "I love him" about the same person.)

I can't deal with people who talk out of their asses, and I think that's what most INFPs can't stand. In any case, George Carlin was right when he said "There's a certain amount of bullshit that keeps the world running." I can deal with that. But I can't deal with people who are just blatant bullshitting liars or suck-ups.
Gotta have them all

the bullshitters, the liars
the ones who hide behind curtains
philantropes, cheaters

it was almost going to be a poem..but I don't want to spend more time on these things XD

enjoy life :)
 
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Well, I know that one of my friends sees me as "two-faced" and I am willing to acknowledge her point of view. What she finds two-faced about me is that I can intensely dislike flaws in other people, yet I still treat such people cordially. Or that I sometimes "try" to understand someone else's point of view, even if it's not the viewpoint I personally hold. She thinks I am a cynic, and I wouldn't disagree with that label, but I think it's a term that limits me.

It's not that I think that I need to be a different person in front of other people--it's that I don't think that everybody needs to know who I am. I am not going to extend a personal connection to another person if I don't feel that we are going to get along. I do want to understand other people--partly because I am curious, and partly because if I like what I see, then I am willing to raise the stakes. I admit that this is selfish behavior, but I think everybody is to some extent, and I view selfish controlling behavior as much more dangerous than selfish reclusive behavior.
Yep, I have friends that have called me "two-faced" for the exact, same reasons. While I might dislike, disagree or disapprove of something that someone has done, it would take a lot for me to stop speaking to them, to ignore their efforts to communicate and stop being, at least cordial to them. I feel that everyone deserves another chance and that maybe, just maybe they will repent. Often that does happen, and people who were fighting make up again. Hard to do that without communicating with each other!

The friends involved are dismayed and shocked that I "don't take their side" and hate on that person. To them (my friends), apparently it looks disloyal. I've been caught in the middle of a friend's dispute with someone else (with whom I have no quarrel) more than once. I just don't believe in hating someone just because someone else, even a friend, hates him or her. I won't have them for a friend, of course, because that WOULD be disloyal, but it doesn't mean that I stop speaking with them.

Office politics are especially bad for this. The group I hang with decides to "hate on" somebody, sometimes for good reason, sometimes for silly reasons. I try to get along with everyone at work, even if we are not friends, just to expedite getting the work done--which is why we are paid to be there! I once had a direct boss who suddenly refused to speak to me. It was very damaging, I was out of the loop, others started to ostracize me too and after a few months I ended up getting fired. Never did find out why she did that, I think it was from jealously, as the clients loved me. That was so silly of her because she was a beautiful, talented person and much valued at work, she certainly had nothing to fear from me. We had gotten along very well for a long period of time before she decided to not speak to me. Those kinds of reactions I really don't understand, guess I'm still a bit naive and trying to understand other types of people!
 

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Well, I know that one of my friends sees me as "two-faced" and I am willing to acknowledge her point of view. What she finds two-faced about me is that I can intensely dislike flaws in other people, yet I still treat such people cordially. Or that I sometimes "try" to understand someone else's point of view, even if it's not the viewpoint I personally hold. She thinks I am a cynic, and I wouldn't disagree with that label, but I think it's a term that limits me.

It's not that I think that I need to be a different person in front of other people--it's that I don't think that everybody needs to know who I am. I am not going to extend a personal connection to another person if I don't feel that we are going to get along. I do want to understand other people--partly because I am curious, and partly because if I like what I see, then I am willing to raise the stakes. I admit that this is selfish behavior, but I think everybody is to some extent, and I view selfish controlling behavior as much more dangerous than selfish reclusive behavior.
Agree with this completely. I'm not a phony at all, but at the same time, I don't open up and reveal who I am very easily, or to just anybody I meet. There has to be a certain level of trust and comfort between me and the other person before I will even consider doing so. That doesn't mean I act like something I'm not, just that I am reserved.

I try to respect that other people have different views and outlooks than I do, and that some things I might regard as "flaws" might not be to them. Unless a person is just flat-out disagreeable, immoral, or evil, I will make an effort to get along with them, even if I don't like certain things about them.

I don't think being reserved with people that I don't know or completely trust is selfish, or makes me fake. In my life experience, it's been self-preservation. I've had people--including one I love dearly--accuse me at times of being mistrustful of everyone. I don't think that's true at all, but it does take a lot to win my trust.
 

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who they really are from people, and act a little different, either to avoid conflicting with the other person's personality or because they're too afraid of rejection to be true.
I think you got a good point. Although I believe we are not being fake, like you said we certainly hide in certain situations. Perhaps we hide more than other personalities. It would only be fair to judge ourselves as we judge others :wink:.
 

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I find that I often "hide" precisely because I don't want to lie about who I am. I'm always trying to figure myself out, and I don't want to present myself in one manner only to change significantly later, because I'll feel like I was being dishonest before.
 

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who they really are from people, and act a little different, either to avoid conflicting with the other person's personality or because they're too afraid of rejection to be true.
Nope. It's not ironic, I believe the word your looking for is "hypocritical". :p And I won't apologize for my behavior, putting on "masks" is part of my Fi lead nature.
 

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Nope. It's not ironic, I believe the word your looking for is "hypocritical". :p And I won't apologize for my behavior, putting on "masks" is part of my Fi lead nature.
I think it's only hypocrisy if you consider withholding information the same as intentionally misleading?
 

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I think it's only hypocrisy if you consider withholding information the same as intentionally misleading?
No, hypocrisy by definition is "saying one thing and doing another." You don't have to be conscious of the incongruity of your actions to be a hypocrite. :D
 

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who they really are from people, and act a little different, either to avoid conflicting with the other person's personality or because they're too afraid of rejection to be true.
Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
It's like raiheeyaaaaaaiiinnnn on your wedding day!
It's a freehee raaaaaiiiidee, and you've already paid!
It's a good advaaaaaaaiiise, that you just didn't take...
And who would've thought, it figures...
 
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