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Discussion Starter #1
I love my wife, and we have a great relationship, but a lot of times the vulnerability and openness of physical intimacy overwhelms me. I find that I feel very exposed and, for lack of a better way of describing it, like a scared little boy. When this happens, I usually end up curling up with her and just letting her hold me. Fortunately I'm blessed with a wife who is very nurturing and understanding, but I know she deserves more from me physically. There are times when we have sex, but I feel like usually this is because I detach myself emotionally form the experience and just give into the physical completely. But I want sex to be something that is about both of us connecting on a level that is BOTH physical and emotional. For some reason, I seem to have difficulty connecting the two. IDK if this is something that other INFJs have dealt with or just my thing, but I would really appreciate some advice.
 

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I love my wife, and we have a great relationship, but a lot of times the vulnerability and openness of physical intimacy overwhelms me. I find that I feel very exposed and, for lack of a better way of describing it, like a scared little boy. When this happens, I usually end up curling up with her and just letting her hold me. Fortunately I'm blessed with a wife who is very nurturing and understanding, but I know she deserves more from me physically. There are times when we have sex, but I feel like usually this is because I detach myself emotionally form the experience and just give into the physical completely. But I want sex to be something that is about both of us connecting on a level that is BOTH physical and emotional. For some reason, I seem to have difficulty connecting the two. IDK if this is something that other INFJs have dealt with or just my thing, but I would really appreciate some advice.
lol I am way too inexperienced to give you any advice but yeah I feel that disconnect with me too. Like just as you phrased it, I want that emotional and physical connection, I am longing to get lost in each other which is what will make the sexual experience a true experience for me (nothing less is satisfying). I also felt the disconnect but it was like one moment I will feel the emotional connection because I will look her in the eye etc but then I will just not be physically there and then I sort of get confused and go into my head, then the next moment I can flip the switch physically to the max but then there is no emotional connection for the heated passion. It's sort of wavering between 0 to 100 for either components, it was so weird. Maybe we just expect too much and it can't be that perfect. I only just recently lost my virginity so I probably don't even know what I am talking about.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The best way I could describe it is feeling completely exposed, not in a good way. I guess you could say I feel scared, even though there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of.
 

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Sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes
And hide
 

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Weird. I have the opposite problem. Or rather I can never separate my emotional self from my physical self. So for me it is always both a physical connection as well as an emotional connection.

In a way its good cause I always find complete satisfaction but it also puts me in a position where I cannot engage in the purely physical as an emotional connection needs to be present.

I guess perhaps try and understand that both can come together? That is to say they don't have to operate independently of each other.

For me at least I find it has helped that I was always quite the sexual being and I always strive to attain a more complete understanding of it. Perhaps because of that I have little to no problems with intimacy.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.
 
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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks for your advice. Honestly, I think it could be tied to my teens. I was somewhat promiscuous. Looking back, I think it was an attempt to find someone to love me. Eventually, after realizing all I was getting was sex and no love, I subconsciously disconnected my emotional being from my sexual being to keep from getting hurt further. That wasn't a problem until I got married and tried to reunite them. I think that's bringing back the pain from those years.
 

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The best way I could describe it is feeling completely exposed, not in a good way. I guess you could say I feel scared, even though there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of.
This is something I struggle with. It's like I'm getting put at a vulnerable point (because it is) and makes me want to shut down sometimes. Even after trusting someone it still feels a bit scary.
 
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