[JefftheINFJ]

I love my wife, and we have a great relationship, but a lot of times the vulnerability and openness of physical intimacy overwhelms me. I find that I feel very exposed and, for lack of a better way of describing it, like a scared little boy. When this happens, I usually end up curling up with her and just letting her hold me. Fortunately I'm blessed with a wife who is very nurturing and understanding, but I know she deserves more from me physically. There are times when we have sex, but I feel like usually this is because I detach myself emotionally form the experience and just give into the physical completely. But I want sex to be something that is about both of us connecting on a level that is BOTH physical and emotional. For some reason, I seem to have difficulty connecting the two. IDK if this is something that other INFJs have dealt with or just my thing, but I would really appreciate some advice.

 

[Baphomet]

I love my wife, and we have a great relationship, but a lot of times the vulnerability and openness of physical intimacy overwhelms me. I find that I feel very exposed and, for lack of a better way of describing it, like a scared little boy. When this happens, I usually end up curling up with her and just letting her hold me. Fortunately I'm blessed with a wife who is very nurturing and understanding, but I know she deserves more from me physically. There are times when we have sex, but I feel like usually this is because I detach myself emotionally form the experience and just give into the physical completely. But I want sex to be something that is about both of us connecting on a level that is BOTH physical and emotional. For some reason, I seem to have difficulty connecting the two. IDK if this is something that other INFJs have dealt with or just my thing, but I would really appreciate some advice.

lol I am way too inexperienced to give you any advice but yeah I feel that disconnect with me too. Like just as you phrased it, I want that emotional and physical connection, I am longing to get lost in each other which is what will make the sexual experience a true experience for me (nothing less is satisfying). I also felt the disconnect but it was like one moment I will feel the emotional connection because I will look her in the eye etc but then I will just not be physically there and then I sort of get confused and go into my head, then the next moment I can flip the switch physically to the max but then there is no emotional connection for the heated passion. It's sort of wavering between 0 to 100 for either components, it was so weird. Maybe we just expect too much and it can't be that perfect. I only just recently lost my virginity so I probably don't even know what I am talking about.

 

[Haba Aba Daba Aba]

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[WickerDeer]

Not an INFJ but I've been curious about how tantra might help with sexual healing or intimacy.

Perhaps it's something you could explore with your wife if you felt comfortable. Here's a webpage (I didn't read all of it and so cannot recommend it, plus haven't ever really done tantra):

Sexual Healing « Sacred Sexuality

 

[JefftheINFJ]

What's the little boy afraid of?

I think the fear is of being used, like my body becoming nothing more than an object. I know my wife would never treat me as an object, but somehow when I open myself up like that both emotionally and physically at the same time, I just melt.

 

[Haba Aba Daba Aba]

.

 

[JefftheINFJ]

The best way I could describe it is feeling completely exposed, not in a good way. I guess you could say I feel scared, even though there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of.

 

[D4P]

Sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes
And hide

 

[BeastMode]

Start lifting weights.

 

[JefftheINFJ]

Sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes
And hide

Yeah, that about sums it up.

 

[Crimson Ash]

Weird. I have the opposite problem. Or rather I can never separate my emotional self from my physical self. So for me it is always both a physical connection as well as an emotional connection.

In a way its good cause I always find complete satisfaction but it also puts me in a position where I cannot engage in the purely physical as an emotional connection needs to be present.

I guess perhaps try and understand that both can come together? That is to say they don't have to operate independently of each other.

For me at least I find it has helped that I was always quite the sexual being and I always strive to attain a more complete understanding of it. Perhaps because of that I have little to no problems with intimacy.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

 

[JefftheINFJ]

Thanks for your advice. Honestly, I think it could be tied to my teens. I was somewhat promiscuous. Looking back, I think it was an attempt to find someone to love me. Eventually, after realizing all I was getting was sex and no love, I subconsciously disconnected my emotional being from my sexual being to keep from getting hurt further. That wasn't a problem until I got married and tried to reunite them. I think that's bringing back the pain from those years.

 

[Haba Aba Daba Aba]

.

 

[Haba Aba Daba Aba]

.

 

[JefftheINFJ]

Earlier than that.

What makes you say that?

 

[Haba Aba Daba Aba]

.

 

[JefftheINFJ]

if you give the fear a voice, what is the fear saying?

I think the fear is being used, taken advantage of.

 

[Chantel]

The best way I could describe it is feeling completely exposed, not in a good way. I guess you could say I feel scared, even though there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of.

This is something I struggle with. It's like I'm getting put at a vulnerable point (because it is) and makes me want to shut down sometimes. Even after trusting someone it still feels a bit scary.