[brightteyes]

I am currently dating an ISTJ and I find it really hard to connect with him because he does not share his feelings as much.
He is a really nice guy and everything, plus he makes me happy. But I would like it if there was some way that I can interpret how he feels about me specifically.
The little things that he says/does lets me know that I am good enough, but the silence we both have can be awkward because sometimes. I feel I might not be good enough anyway.
Sometimes I tend to rant and say too much when I am around him because of the silence.
He listens more than I do, and I feel bad about those times that I don't when I am with him.

-He is more social than I am when it comes to family. He is also in football and is associated with people. Technically has more friends than I do.

I think that me going out with him has helped me more with socializing, in a way, because he has a big family, and they're all nice people.

I know that we wouldn't be seeing each other if he didn't like me.


What are your overall thoughts of and ISTJ and an INTP relationship?

I am open up for anything really, and possibly some advice from some ISTJs.

 

[niss]

All types can have a successful relationship. Some just take more work than others. I think this INTP/ISTJ could work, but it will be work because of the J/P differences (primary problem) and you don't share any dominant/auxilary functions (secondary problem--feeds off of primary problem).

 

[Excelsio]

I am currently dating an ISTJ and I find it really hard to connect with him because he does not share his feelings as much.
He is a really nice guy and everything, plus he makes me happy. But I would like it if there was some way that I can interpret how he feels about me specifically.
The little things that he says/does lets me know that I am good enough, but the silence we both have can be awkward because sometimes. I feel I might not be good enough anyway.
Sometimes I tend to rant and say too much when I am around him because of the silence.
He listens more than I do, and I feel bad about those times that I don't when I am with him.

-He is more social than I am when it comes to family. He is also in football and is associated with people. Technically has more friends than I do.

I think that me going out with him has helped me more with socializing, in a way, because he has a big family, and they're all nice people.

I know that we wouldn't be seeing each other if he didn't like me.


What are your overall thoughts of and ISTJ and an INTP relationship?

I am open up for anything really, and possibly some advice from some ISTJs.

an ISTJ INTP relationship can be very difficult... especially when younger, because you have only really rounded out your first 2 preferances... Si/Te in his case Ti/Ne in yours...

My father was an ISTJ, so I have a little bit of insight in the dynamics of a close familial relationship...

The way I see it... if you guys are both getting enough out of the relationship... stick with it for a bit... One of the great benefits of younger relationships, is they can help you round out parts of your personality... I know that my Ti was really really strong growing up, and I did not get the opportunity become more social until my mid-twenties... as for him... you may be able to help him reflect a bit more on his Fi side... it sounds like some part of your past relationships (friends/familial/otherwise) has helped you fast track your F development to the point where you need F stimulation from a partner...

I personally feel that the hardest hurdle the 2 of you will have to jump across is probably the lack of connection... this can be very hard with both being IxTx types... I wish you luck!

 

[kittychris07]

I *think* I am an ISTJ although I have been second-guessing myself a lot and am considering ISFJ. Having said that, I think I got along pretty well with my xNTP boyfriend (I think he's an E, but he says he is unsure whether he is introverted or extroverted since he's kind of in the middle).The relationship went pretty well and there was a lot of attraction, but things fell apart over issues over which we were unable to reach an acceptable compromise. I ended up accepting his way of thinking to try to keep the peace and not push him away. But thenl I got resentful and felt that it wasn't right, so I dumped him.

I guess compromising will be important for both the INTP and the ISTJ, but remember both sides may have very logical arguments to back up their opinions, and both sides will think they are right. Maybe if you can work through this, or if your values are very similar to begin with, you two will be able to make it work.

 

[Rhee]

I am currently dating an ISTJ and I find it really hard to connect with him because he does not share his feelings as much.
He is a really nice guy and everything, plus he makes me happy. But I would like it if there was some way that I can interpret how he feels about me specifically.
The little things that he says/does lets me know that I am good enough, but the silence we both have can be awkward because sometimes. I feel I might not be good enough anyway.
Sometimes I tend to rant and say too much when I am around him because of the silence.

Giving voice to our feelings voluntarily is not something that comes naturally to us. I myself often get stuck when asked to describe what I'm feeling (as opposed to what I'm thinking).

I think he may need some gentle prompting and prodding at first. Ask him to share his feelings with you. Tell him that it would make you happier. Once he learns that it's something that you would like to hear from him, he'll oblige happily and will be sincere in what he says. Pick a time and situation to ask how he's feeling 'at that specific moment', it makes things easier.

If he's someone who's comfortable in his silence, there's a chance he may not be aware of the fact that you're feeling awkward. He probably isn't - he could just be perfectly happy and content, enjoying the nearness of your presence for what it is. Relax, he won't think any less of you for not providing perpetual conversation.

If the little things he says or does let you know that you're good enough, then rest assured that you ARE good enough. There's no reason to think otherwise. We speak through those little things, and he's basically telling you that you are very important to him.

He listens more than I do, and I feel bad about those times that I don't when I am with him.

Hmm... may I ask why not?

 

[brightteyes]

There are times when I don't listen to him because what he says are sometimes boring. Other times I don't follow through with what he says. Like for example, last Saturday I went to a football game with him and his family. He told me that we were going to be tailgating before we left, I was not paying attention when he said it himself, and he told me he repeated it a couple of times while we were talking. We were late that day to the game, but his family didn't mind. I was in the middle of taking a shower we he had come to my house to pick me up. I did not realize that we would be leaving so early for the game.

 

[j3321]

Technically has more friends than I do.

That made em laugh out loud.

 

[brightteyes]

That made who laugh out loud?

 

[j3321]

meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

 

[niss]

It was a typo: "em" was supposed to be "me."

 

[brightteyes]

Oy, I see :crazy:

What exactly about it made you laugh?

 

[brightteyes]

Thanks Escelsio for wishing me luckk

 

[j3321]

It's true.

 

[j3321]

Technically ISTJ's have more friends...."friends." (People they associate on only the most basic level.)

 

[niss]

Technically ISTJ's have more friends...."friends." (People they associate on only the most basic level.)

I don't know if I'd agree. I don't call those people friends; they are acquaintances. SWMBO and I have had a few conversations about what constitutes being a "friend." She thinks my standards are way too high. I think she has no standards. :laughing:

 

[brightteyes]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Technically ISTJ's have more friends...."friends." (People they associate on only the most basic level.)

I think him having such a big family is why he has so many acquaintances. He also has a best friend, which I am jealous of. Because I feel as though I'm just the opposite of him when it comes to socializing, i.e. he does it more than I do