I LOVE ENFP FEMALES! :tongue: It is a tie match between them, the ESFP's and the ISFJ's. :blushed:Is it really that complicated? Has anyone had any experience, or opinion on it?
This sounds a lot like him. Thank you for your insight. roud:What I absolutely adored about him:
- His ability to focus, his reserve, his politeness, his reliability...a wonderful, nice, considerate person.
- His loyalty to his family and friends.
- He always called me when he said he would...he was punctual to the minute. One time I was 5 mins late showing up to his place and he called me on my cell inquiriring where I was. I then had to establish a "late-tolerance rule" meaning that if I was going to be 15 min late (which inevitably I was most of the time) then I would call to let him know.
- He was very sensual - the "S" side of him was highly developed and he was one of the persons in my life that I could really cuddle with - he was a cuddle monster and the depth of this surprised me. I think he made up for a lack of emotional intimacy with close, sensual, physical intimacy.
- He expressed his caring for me with acts and deeds...he is a big "foodie" and we would concock fabulous meals together - really planning them out and he must have had 25 cookbooks...it seems that he would let his imaginative - thinking come out in this expression.
- He did have a quirky sense of humour that would come out every now and then...I didn't always get his jokes but it was such a pleasure to see him get all humourous on himself and LOLing.
- I did my best to get him to let loose - maybe I was secretly trying to corrupt him (hahahaha)...it didn't really work.
- I found him indelibly facinating...so different from me...such a challenge to understand..."to get"...it kept me coming back. We actually broke up twice before we finally called it quits.
As weird as this might sound....a lot of my 'bonding' happens in doing this. I think the whole 'birds of a feather' type thing I end up very close to ISTJ's because they are very similar to me and quasi plentiful (also noting the lack of INTx's...which I may or may not bond with the same too?!?). We all debate and that is how we bond. That is how we understand one another. That is where we are teachers and students of one another. Enter respect and intelligence which leads to loyalty and trust. This is not just me, this is a group (all men and myself) and we are all very close. Also, it should be noted that this group was of complete strangers 5 yrs ago...and is all by choice. Not work/family etc.We would debate for the sake of debating...I debate when I have strong opinions or feel passionately about something...he would take the opposite position just to debate...this inevitably would piss me off because he would try to change my feelings/opinions...when I asked him why he did this...he said that we debate so that he could learn new things....all he really had to do was ask me how I was feeling (sigh!)...
MyLittle Black Heart...
Thanks for this...I think you nailed it. I guess he was luring out all of what I was thinking/feeling/perceiving/imagining in the debate (it was never a discussion...it was always a debate) but was giving back very little in return. I wanted to know what he was thinking/feeling/perceiving/imagining...but either I wasn't listening hard enough (hahahaha - which is quite possible) or he wasn't opening up wide enough to share this with me...If you can believe, I an extrovert, felt exhausted by this...very strange indeed...
This is very useful information if the friend potential will ever materialize...thank you very much.
Is this from reading, or from personal experience?Even between two healthy individuals, this pairing can be difficult. If unhealthy, it will be a disaster. In my case, after awhile, it felt like the ISTJ was trying to destroy my spirit. I've really looked at this, why we're attracted to opposites and why it can go so wrong.
The decisive, perfectionistic tendency in the ISTJ can seem like constant personal criticism to the ENFP.
The ENFP needs constant affirmation to feel loved... so that sucks.
The ENFP's verbalized longings and evaluating of the the relationship can seem like complaining, whining or never being satisfied to the ISTJ, even though the ENFP is only looking for new ways to make everything even more special. The ISTJ will feel ashamed, like he has failed; He will start ignoring the ENFP so as not to be reminded of 'failures.' The ENFP desperately needs attention to feel loved...so that sucks too.
As the ISTJ feels less happy, there will be more overt criticism, until the ENFP can do nothing right. The ENFP will stop approachng the ISTJ, fearing ridicule or putdowns. The very things that attracted the ISTJ to the ENFP, like her intuitively knowing how to please him, her open affection, optimism and gregariousness will begin to dissappear --or be shown only with other people. Because the ENFP's vibrant, sexy enthusiasm is so attractive to the ISTJ, seeing it disappear will give the ISTJ more reasons to criticize...and that sucks bigtime.
Eventually, the ENFP will start to hope for a relationship that will be better than this one and will become very confrontational of the ISTJ, laying the groundwork for the coming breakup. The ISTJ will know the ENFP has 'left' on some level and will feel threatened and miserable.
The ISTP needs consistent faithfulness and assurance...so that really does suck.
Emotional health and the ability to understand, and to forgive are crucial, because 'opposites' like these two can be a nightmare of misunderstanding after the novelty wears off.
Sorry, I know that's a lot to read.
All in all I think any relationship type pairing can work in theory...you just have to perfect your communication approach and have alot of patience and affection....