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The Doer King
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Considering how high a perceiver you are, I think you would have better luck if she is a low judger.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I guess my question is... what would the weaker areas of the relationship be? What would the stronger areas be?

And I guess I forgot to mention that I was asking about both male/female and female/male INFP/ISTJ relationships. Not just for me, but in general.
 

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The Doer King
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I guess my question is... what would the weaker areas of the relationship be? What would the stronger areas be?

And I guess I forgot to mention that I was asking about both male/female and female/male INFP/ISTJ relationships. Not just for me, but in general.
Well in away INFP can come off as unemotional at times. I find many INFP in RL keep their emotions to themselves. ISTJ do this as well. Difference between both is the INFPs emotions are just sitting at the surface ready to come out. ISTJ actually have them subdued (not saying they don't have emotions). Because of this (combined with being both introverts) they may not force opinions an INFP as much.

The weakness will still be the J/P. Try to accept why they are "judgmental" and get past it.
 

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It is a mismatch.

My mother is an INFP and I am essentially the definition of an ISTJ. We constantly argue over simple matters. These personality types really do not work well together.

Many areas would be very weak, but a few stand out in particular. While ISTJ's want to use proven methods, INFP's would probably rather try something new that may not work, simply because it is new. The emotions of an INFP can certainly irritate ISTJ's, just as my mother's emotions frequently bother me. Also, ISTJ's do not like anything primarily based on feelings, where as INFP's do. As a result, both types would seek different manners in which to display their love.

I could never date an INFP. Since their personalities are so different from mine, I had a very difficult time relating to them.
 

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In my brief experience with ISTJs, I would say there is no way it can work out. As CalculatingInfinity pointed out, seeing eye-to-eye is a near impossibility. :sad: Also, the ISTJs I knew thought they were the smartest, most interesting thing in the room... so each and every conversation was about them, how they saw it, what they thought about it, how they could do this or that like no one else. They monologue....never involving you in the conversation, never interested in how you feel about it, and making you feel insignificant, ignorant, and not worth their time. This is a problem for INFPs. We like to be involved in the discussion...we have opinions, too (we'd like to share, but we'd like to be asked first), and despite what ISTJs think...we are just as smart as they are.

Here are some brief descriptions of the ISTJ:

responsible, planner, organized, detail oriented, organized, would rather be friendless than jobless, realistic, observer, clean, focused, does not talk about feelings, finisher, punctual, private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules, dutiful, avoids mistakes, conventional, likes solitude, insensitive to the hardships of others, prepared, thinks rules are important, cautious, security seeking, prepares for worst case scenarios, logical, analytical, does not accept apologies easily, hard working
(from Similar Minds web site).

Trying to make it work with an ISTJ is not going to be an easy road...we're too different. Again, I'm basing this primarily on my experience with them. I have not met many, and don't mean to pigeon-hole anybody...
 

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In my brief experience with ISTJs, I would say there is no way it can work out. As CalculatingInfinity pointed out, seeing eye-to-eye is a near impossibility. :sad: Also, the ISTJs I knew thought they were the smartest, most interesting thing in the room... so each and every conversation was about them, how they saw it, what they thought about it, how they could do this or that like no one else. They monologue....never involving you in the conversation, never interested in how you feel about it, and making you feel insignificant, ignorant, and not worth their time. This is a problem for INFPs. We like to be involved in the discussion...we have opinions, too (we'd like to share, but we'd like to be asked first), and despite what ISTJs think...we are just as smart as they are.

Here are some brief descriptions of the ISTJ:

responsible, planner, organized, detail oriented, organized, would rather be friendless than jobless, realistic, observer, clean, focused, does not talk about feelings, finisher, punctual, private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules, dutiful, avoids mistakes, conventional, likes solitude, insensitive to the hardships of others, prepared, thinks rules are important, cautious, security seeking, prepares for worst case scenarios, logical, analytical, does not accept apologies easily, hard working
(from Similar Minds web site).

Trying to make it work with an ISTJ is not going to be an easy road...we're too different. Again, I'm basing this primarily on my experience with them. I have not met many, and don't mean to pigeon-hole anybody...
I myself being an ISTJ in all.. get along exceptionally well with XNFP's, INFP's in particular. I can see what you mean about the whole monologue thing, I believe when I get uncomfortable or awkward I do this, it is my.. taking the lead coping syndrome I guess. So in my humble opinion, or both people are healthy and understanding, and have communication and trust.. that is needed in every relationship, I don't see why it wouldn't work. =]

On the other hand.. Maybe I am more considerate than most ISTJ's? Peoples feelings and well being is very important to me. And being a type 5, my deepest desire is to understand peoples thoughts and feelings, and actions above all else. Maybe this makes me different from the majority of ISTJ's, I haven't met very many to be honest.
 

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Eh.... maybe this but...

INFP's and I.... they just seem to tear me apart over and over again. No matter how hard I try. :unsure:

I am an INFP and I'm married to a ISTJ. You helped open my eyes. I feel I do the same thing. Patience is the #1 key if both INFP and ISTJs are to have any kind of relationship. It's been a long hard road. I'm a strong P and he's a strong J. Anyway, Thank you. :happy:
 

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I've been married to an ISTJ for 20 years. The biggest personality issues we have is the J/P function. He nags about me keeping my side of the bedroom picked up and turning in receipts for my debit card purchases. I nag at him about nagging:tongue:. The best things about being married to an ISTJ is that we are both homebodies and are perfectly happy with quiet evenings and a small circle of friends, and he likes to handle anything that requires details (finances, trip itineraries, computer backups, etc.). Our relationship is very complimentary.
 

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I've been married to an ISTJ for 20 years. The biggest personality issues we have is the J/P function. He nags about me keeping my side of the bedroom picked up and turning in receipts for my debit card purchases. I nag at him about nagging:tongue:. The best things about being married to an ISTJ is that we are both homebodies and are perfectly happy with quiet evenings and a small circle of friends, and he likes to handle anything that requires details (finances, trip itineraries, computer backups, etc.). Our relationship is very complimentary.
I've been married to an ISTJ for 23 years and I'm sitting here giggling, because this is so true in our relationship too! LOL...thank you!
 

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Surprisingly before i left high school to be homeschooled i had 2-3 ISTJ friends.
I only keep in contact with one now through email.

I seem to get along fine with them, maybe it's because i came of strong opinionated, didn't mind just hanging around the lockers every lunch time
and maybe because i also agreed about the "SP type" of people being show offs and up them selves/naughty.

Except for the days when they would gang up on me and try to
Pschologically tear me down:dry: most of the time i would deflect it and just ignore it, but if they got me on one of my off days i'd turn lion-style on them. :laughing:
 

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my 2 best friends are istjs (i guess that can be considered a "relationship" of sorts:laughing:). While we are sort of an enigma towards each other we get along great, and enjoy just chilling quietly.

on the other hand the lack of emotion does get on my nerves sometimes, and I'll often have my self conscious side question if they even like me since they can be so cold. but I really think it could work with the right person tbh.
 

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I test at usually INFJ but a time or two have tested INFP... my husband is a CLASSIC ISTJ. He's set in his ways, very stubborn, and if he makes up his mind about something, there's nothing to change his mind.
We have frequent personality clashes because I thrive with spontaneity and his desire is to keep things the same as when he was a child. He lived at home with his parents well into his 30s.
We both have self-esteem issues... Both feel like we're not needed or important in the grand scheme. He'd like to be famous, I could care less about riches and fame.
I think based on our types, we're doing well enough. We're raising a healthy child together and for the most part, we get along. My biggest complaint about our relationship is his unwillingness to do anything.

Baconess
 

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I've been married to an ISTJ for 20 years. The biggest personality issues we have is the J/P function. He nags about me keeping my side of the bedroom picked up and turning in receipts for my debit card purchases. I nag at him about nagging:tongue:. The best things about being married to an ISTJ is that we are both homebodies and are perfectly happy with quiet evenings and a small circle of friends, and he likes to handle anything that requires details (finances, trip itineraries, computer backups, etc.). Our relationship is very complimentary.
Thanks. I am seeing someone who is so much more stj and I'm nfp.

It's good to hear that your relationship is complimentary!!!!! So many responses are that it's hard for such different people to get along.

I wish that I was more stj like him with strategic thinking and planning but I know that I have other qualities that I bring to the relationship. I think the key is not too be dependent or critical of the other; knowing him makes me be more conscious of my strengths and also that I want to keep developing the other sides to me like planning ahead and be grounded more.

I am concerned that his ISTJ qualities are so glaringly great and applicable to life that I don't know if he really sees my qualities and so, lately I've been feeling self doubting. And I'm too embarrassed to say much about it. Except a prayer and a note like this at times.
 
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