[Sunrain]

Just an observation how you guys are funny the way you try and do what you can to please people even if it's out of character... yesterday one of my friends said probably the nicest thing he's said to me in 10 years, which was "I hope you feel better soon...and when I say that I mean it because maybe I care about the person and I'm not happy that they're ill"... what a round-about way of saying "I care about you, get well soon" lol. And it's only because I was drumming into his head about words of affirmation a while back... obviously he remembered it

 

[nosilla]

I read somewhere that ISTJs are especially good listeners.
All of my ENFP friends (including my sister) are so surprised when I consider or remember something they said, or maybe a preference to something. If I care about you, then I will try my hardest to make each interaction between us better and better.

 

[Sela]

I read somewhere that ISTJs are especially good listeners.
All of my ENFP friends (including my sister) are so surprised when I consider or remember something they said, or maybe a preference to something. If I care about you, then I will try my hardest to make each interaction between us better and better.

Good listeners if what you're saying makes sense. If you're talking out the side of your mouth with no evidence to back it up AND disagreeing with something we've already formed an opinion on, all we hear is "blah blah blah ... are you listening?! ... blah blah blah" until/if we're given time to convince the other person they're wrong.

Key note: *IF* I care about you, then yes, I will remember seemingly small things like what your favorite meal is at the restaurant we ate at ONCE, six years ago. OTOH, if you're an acquaintance/relatively unimportant to me, I probably will be hard pressed to remember your kids' names, let alone their ages.

 

[firedancer42]

I read somewhere that ISTJs are especially good listeners.
All of my ENFP friends (including my sister) are so surprised when I consider or remember something they said, or maybe a preference to something. If I care about you, then I will try my hardest to make each interaction between us better and better.

Same goes for me, I have a really strange memory for small things like that and I use it as a study aid too. For example, I will try to connect things I hear in lecture or read about on my own to something else, and all the better if I already find something interesting. From this I usually mention it to a friend that I think would have an interest in it and after that it's pretty much stuck there. Along these same lines I enjoy helping others study for big tests because it forces me to know subjects inside and out in order to explain it to them.

All that aside, if I'm trying to get to know someone better or already care for them then I'm probably going to remember the mother's best friend's cousin-twice-removed's dog's name if it came up in conversation. :wink:

However, one of my closest ENFP friends is also like this. He honestly takes extroversion and turns it into an art form. I can't help but marvel at how easily he connects with...everyone. We go to a small private university so it's not as difficult for him to meet the majority of students as it would be at a larger school, but still, it's impressive because he remembers more than just names for so many people. Welcome week is practically his favorite holiday, and everyone loves him. He is a fantastic listener, and remembers details the same way I do. However, he remembers them for manyyy more people. Now, dates, times, locations, etc. are lost on him, he doesn't see the importance and prefers to focus on the interpersonal details of life. It's people like him who can actually break me out of my shell. He puts in the initial effort the introverts he's friends with need and shows he cares enough to remember things about them from the start. :happy:

 

[Frannyy]

Just an observation how you guys are funny the way you try and do what you can to please people even if it's out of character... yesterday one of my friends said probably the nicest thing he's said to me in 10 years, which was "I hope you feel better soon...and when I say that I mean it because maybe I care about the person and I'm not happy that they're ill"... what a round-about way of saying "I care about you, get well soon" lol. And it's only because I was drumming into his head about words of affirmation a while back... obviously he remembered it

you are so adorable Sunrain. :happy: I appreciate your effort in understanding ISTJs.

 

[niss]

All-

Are you really hearing what you are saying in this thread?

What are you saying that it takes for an ISTJ to remember details about a person?

The ENFP tends to "forget" and "lose" things like keys/phone/wallet/etc.--sometimes more than once a day! What is the ENFP really remembering?

 

[Qadosh]

All-

Are you really hearing what you are saying in this thread?

What are you saying that it takes for an ISTJ to remember details about a person?

The ENFP tends to "forget" and "lose" things like keys/phone/wallet/etc.--sometimes more than once a day! What is the ENFP really remembering?

I lose my wallet, shoes, and keys all the time :tongue:. I need to develop whatever it is that makes me remember where I put those 3 items.

Like seriously, if I'm ever late somewhere it's because I had trouble finding one of those items. Every. Single. Time.

 

[niss]

I lose my wallet, shoes, and keys all the time :tongue:. I need to develop whatever it is that makes me remember where I put those 3 items.

Like seriously, if I'm ever late somewhere it's because I had trouble finding one of those items. Every. Single. Time.

It's cuz you don't have a system. I never lose my keys, wallet, planner, glasses, or phone, only because I always have them on my person or in their designated resting spot. If I were to change my routine, I would be continuously looking for said items.

Difference between ENFP and ISTJ is that the ISTJ will eventually develop a regimented system to control this area of aggravation, while the ENFP might be slightly irritated when looking for those items, it is not nearly aggravating enough to want to develop a rigid system to prevent their loss. (For to an ENFP, they are never really lost, just temporarily misplaced.) Days of my life have been spent waiting on a special ENFP to "find" those things that are not "lost." :crazy:

 

[Wake]

Just an observation how you guys are funny the way you try and do what you can to please people even if it's out of character... yesterday one of my friends said probably the nicest thing he's said to me in 10 years, which was "I hope you feel better soon...and when I say that I mean it because maybe I care about the person and I'm not happy that they're ill"... what a round-about way of saying "I care about you, get well soon" lol. And it's only because I was drumming into his head about words of affirmation a while back... obviously he remembered it

I've found I create the same awkwardness whenever I try to compliment people or express feelings. My try at it was "I really like (blank) about you because you are always (blank)" I smiled and seem a bit nervous and go onto say "Ya, I don't really compliment often so take it to heart" or something to that effect. Being out of character is pretty exhausting. Its tempting not to compliment, as these situations make us feel like a fish out of water.

I don't compliment if I don't think they're exceedingly great in a obvious way. People must be shown appreciated for what they are and do when great. It's good to look for this side of an ISTJ as not all people want to look so deep into what the ISTJ to find that warmer side.

 

[Diligence]

I've found I create the same awkwardness whenever I try to compliment people or express feelings. My try at it was "I really like (blank) about you because you are always (blank)" I smiled and seem a bit nervous and go onto say "Ya, I don't really compliment often so take it to heart" or something to that effect. Being out of character is pretty exhausting. Its tempting not to compliment, as these situations make us feel like a fish out of water.

I don't compliment if I don't think they're exceedingly great in a obvious way. People must be shown appreciated for what they are and do when great. It's good to look for this side of an ISTJ as not all people want to look so deep into what the ISTJ to find that warmer side.

Agreed, I'm the same way. However, it does depend on the situation for how much emotion and gratitude I show. For example, hard work garners more compliments in my eyes then appearance(hair, eyes, etc.).

 

[bubbly00]

I've found I create the same awkwardness whenever I try to compliment people or express feelings. My try at it was "I really like (blank) about you because you are always (blank)" I smiled and seem a bit nervous and go onto say "Ya, I don't really compliment often so take it to heart" or something to that effect. Being out of character is pretty exhausting. Its tempting not to compliment, as these situations make us feel like a fish out of water.

I don't compliment if I don't think they're exceedingly great in a obvious way. People must be shown appreciated for what they are and do when great. It's good to look for this side of an ISTJ as not all people want to look so deep into what the ISTJ to find that warmer side.

i lost my wallet recently!! well I know its here in the house....somewhere.

And guilty of losing all the things you mentioned above. And fuck yea its aggregating. I must of wasted years of my life looking for stuff. I tried to come up with 'systems' before, but so far apparently i suck too much to keep up with a certain regime long enough for it to work.:frustrating:

 

[niss]

i lost my wallet recently!! well I know its here in the house....somewhere.

And guilty of losing all the things you mentioned above. And fuck yea its aggregating. I must of wasted years of my life looking for stuff. I tried to come up with 'systems' before, but so far apparently i suck too much to keep up with a certain regime long enough for it to work.:frustrating:

Ya know, it bothers me when people put themselves down. You simply haven't developed a system that works for you. Don't try to imitate an ISTJs rigid procedure for keeping track of your stuff. Instead, develop your own method and do what works for you.

Be sure, that this will always be a part of you, but also know that you will get better if you work at it. I complain a lot, but SWMBO really doesn't lose her personal items too often any more.

 

[bubbly00]

Ya know, it bothers me when people put themselves down. You simply haven't developed a system that works for you. Don't try to imitate an ISTJs rigid procedure for keeping track of your stuff. Instead, develop your own method and do what works for you.

Be sure, that this will always be a part of you, but also know that you will get better if you work at it. I complain a lot, but SWMBO really doesn't lose her personal items too often any more.

thanks darling! It bothers me when people put themselves down too! lol, feels weird cause i'm usually the one that tries help them pick up their spirits.

Your right of course, hopefully(crosses fingers) in the near future, i wont be spending as much time searching.

 

[Sunrain]

I've noticed how the ISTJs that care about me always remember really little details, things that I wouldn't bother to remember at all, like exactly what my likes and dislikes are in terms of practical things. For example, how I like my tea, what films/ books I've liked and why, what restaurant I liked and why.. And then 5 years later they'll bring something up in conversation like "But you said you liked that book because..", and my reply will be "What? I said I liked that? Really, when? :S" Recently an ISTJ who cares about me asks me when my birthday is and I told him, and he repeated it outloud and I could tell it was one of those little details that he was storing up in order to remember it. And I'm sure that he will because he's made up his mind to.

As regards ENFPs, you know, I don't think we use Si to remember things unless it's very necessary. What I use to remember things is really more my intuition..I draw intuitive connections between things in my head. So, for example, if I see a person feeling a certain way then my intuition will make a connection between the way they are feeling and the last time they felt that way, and that way I will remember a past conversation. Not the facts of the conversation though so much as the feelings, and that will enable me to draw out the facts once more. It'll be like "They look tired... that reminds me of when they looked tired before.. when I'm tired I like to drink tea... they like to drink tea too..."Hey sweetie, would you like a cup of tea? How do you like your tea again?" I imagine an ISTJs thought process on the subject would be more like "It's 4pm, they like to drink tea at 4pm because I made a point of remembering that last time, they like tea with milk and 2 sugars. I will make them a cup of tea. Would you like a cup of tea?"

I think that, because we as ENFPs are so bad at remembering the details, we draw intuitive maps everywhere. My way of remembering where I put my keys is "When I come in I feel like this, so my first thought is 'I will put my keys on this table', so that I can crash on my bed because I feel like lying down. So my keys are likely to be on this table. Yep there they are." I use empathy to empathize with my past self and remember where I put my keys. The reason I sometimes get lost with that is "Oh I can't remember how I felt..if only I could remember how I felt I would know exactly where I had put my keys, bother :S".
I imagine that an ISTJ's thought process would be more like "I generally walk in the door and put my keys on this table. It's practical to keep them there. There they are." - using Si to remember what you do.