ISTJ/ISFJ dating an ISFP...good idea or not? Any advice?

21309 Views 20 Replies 17 Participants Last post by p.g.wodehouse, Jul 7, 2015

estrella

Discussion Starter · Oct 8, 2010

I took the MBTI years ago and came out as an ISTJ. Recently I looked over information about the different types and think I'm a combination of ISTJ and ISFJ. I have a friend who I'm convinced is an ISFP who I would love to date, but is taken. I often daydream about finding a single ISFP male to date, even though I know they're not all like my friend.

Would it be a good idea for an ISFJ/ISTJ and an ISFP to start dating? Has anybody ever tried this combination before? Any advice?

1 - 20 of 21 Posts

Outcode

· #2 · Oct 8, 2010

There's no reason to not date an ISFP. Don't let anything like personality types get in the way of who you like :happy:
You'll find another single ISFP out there.

ReuBurn

· #3 · Oct 8, 2010

Warning - he may find you boring. My ex-gf was an ISFJ

letsride

· #4 · Oct 11, 2010

I would give it a try, at least, and see how it goes.

I think it has a lot more to do with the individuals' values, goals, and interests, rather than their personality type. Like Outcode said, don't let type hold you back!

Reactions: 2

Indigo Aria

· #5 · Oct 12, 2010

I don't know that I would date an ISTJ if I knew that person's type before the fact. I get along quite well with ISTJ's, and ISFP + ISTJ might actually work if the ISFP wasn't as intense as me. I question like an NT, so that usually annoys SJ's. I'd say as long as you don't pressure the ISFP to adhere to "normal", you should be good to go. :happy:

Actually, I would date an ISTJ if I knew they wouldn't expect me to be "normal"

Reactions: 1

dar.ling

· #6 · Nov 7, 2010

Hi, I'm new to this forum, registered a few hours ago.

I would give it a try.

I don't want to influence you but just telling you of my experience with an ISFJ.

Please, no offence to ISFJs too. Its just my experience with one ISFJ.

I have one ISFJ friend. When we first got to know each other, on the surface we thought very similarly on many aspects of life.
But as time passed and we got to know more abt each other, I realized that we are completely different. COMPLETELY.
I'm more of an optimist, more friendly towards strangers as long as they don't SEEM crazy, I like to think people usually have good intentions, am cautious and will be suspicious of someone only with reason.
She on the other hand is extremely cynical (at least what I think) and has a negative outlook on life. It usually brings my spirits down when I'm with her. She also usually says "I don't give a f**k."
I really dislike it when people have this type of negative attitude. :frustrating:

Its probably just her.

She seems to get out the worse qualities in me. :mellow:

I read abt 'Quasi-Identical Relations' on Socionics before we began to have real actual arguments. I didn't believe what Socionics said but looking back its true.
She and I have Quasi-Identical Relations. Great, grrrreat misunderstanding between both of us.
We argue about almost everything in a very passive aggressive manner but it lasts just a few minutes at a time. :frustrating:
I don't like to argue with anybody but she just seems to effortlessly get that argumentative ....what should I call it feeling(?) out of me.
I can understand WHY she is the way she is today, the things she went through but still. :frustrating:
She is just so negative about everything.
Its frustrating.

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ReuBurn

· #7 · Nov 8, 2010

I second that. Too many times I get the impression all she wants is a partner to place all her troubles and worries on and make it their responsibility. And she's just too... practical and direct. Not to mention worrying most of the time on frivolous things. I can't imagine lasting long with her.

alicat82

· #8 · May 14, 2012

I am a female ISFP who is dating an ISTJ male. I don't know how it would differ from an ISTJ female and ISFP male relationship. But he is the love of my life so far. We balance eachother out. We have some communication issues we are working out. But we both are mature enough and love eachother enough to compromise in the relationship. This can create a close bond. I spoil him with love and he makes me feel secure. I support this pairing.

Reactions: 1

Leeoflittlefaith

· #9 · May 14, 2012

There's plenty to admire in ISTJs. :happy: I'm not surprised however that there can be communication problems. Both types aren't exactly open people.

Benja

· #10 · May 14, 2012

I would never want to date a girl with ISFJ or ISTJ traits to be honest. My mom is an ISFJ and my dad, an ISTJ, and they are both way too controlling and closed-minded. We get along mostly because I sacrifice my happiness for the greater harmony of the household, while I'm building up my savings working.

Reactions: 1

ster

· #11 · May 14, 2012

If you're going to go that route, I strongly urge open dialogue and communication about your different thoughts and approaches to life. Please, thanks you's, apologies, and compromise will be very important.

Reactions: 2

sriracha

· #12 · May 15, 2012

ReuBurn said:
Warning - he may find you boring. My ex-gf was an ISFJ

What? Lol, I thought you ISFPs would find ISTJs boring!!!

Reactions: 1

Kito

· #13 · May 15, 2012

Just be careful with ground rules or restrictions or whatever. We hate being told what to do or having routine/rules.

m_dogg

· #14 · May 24, 2012

Benja said:
I would never want to date a girl with ISFJ or ISTJ traits to be honest. My mom is an ISFJ and my dad, an ISTJ, and they are both way too controlling and closed-minded. We get along mostly because I sacrifice my happiness for the greater harmony of the household, while I'm building up my savings working.

I notice from families and my own family that parents tend to get into routine of a not-so great relationship with their kid or kids. It's not that they want things to be this way, but they are so used to it they don't know how to or fear approaching a problem with said person differently. Does this sound remotely similar to your folks?

I guess what I'm saying is that not all ISTJ's or ISFJ's are controlling. In fact, from what I've read, the 'control' is more a trait of an ESTJ. I do see how ISTJ's or any J can look at you with a raised eyebrow, but it doesn't necessarily mean they want to change or control you. It's just an immediate, animalistic reaction to the eccentricities of us Perceivers.

Benja

· #15 · May 25, 2012

They are basically dream killers.

Usually this is what happens, an idea pops into my head, something creative that excites me, I mention it playfully, and they destroy it with their "yeah right," "you can't do that," "that's not how it's done" attitude.

It hurts me when people walk all over my ideas like that and there is no way I would date someone like them.

Reactions: 1

haushinka

· #16 · May 25, 2012

Haha... when I read this thread it makes me realize that there are other ways to look at ISTJs than I used to.

But still, go for it! The positive traits will hopefully weigh up... and myers-briggs doesn't say it all.. it's just a part of it.

It could be great. As an ISFP it could be cool to have something stable and loyal in your life.

Reactions: 1

m_dogg

· #17 · May 25, 2012

Benja said:
They are basically dream killers.

Usually this is what happens, an idea pops into my head, something creative that excites me, I mention it playfully, and they destroy it with their "yeah right," "you can't do that," "that's not how it's done" attitude.

It hurts me when people walk all over my ideas like that and there is no way I would date someone like them.

That sounds like how my parents are to my oldest son. I think they care about you and are looking out for you in their own way. But honestly, I don't think people end up that way unless their own dreams have been stomped on a lot.

Plus, I think a healthy E/ISTJ would never shoot you down, but rather help you figure out a practical application to execute your dream into reality. But you have to be open to criticism too, which is something ISFP's are always told they need development on.

Reactions: 1

m_dogg

· #18 · May 25, 2012

Also, here's something to watch despite your folks discouragement.

Randy Pausch: Really achieving your childhood dreams | Video on TED.com

Reactions: 1

cyamitide

· #19 · May 30, 2012

estrella said:
I took the MBTI years ago and came out as an ISTJ. Recently I looked over information about the different types and think I'm a combination of ISTJ and ISFJ. I have a friend who I'm convinced is an ISFP who I would love to date, but is taken. I often daydream about finding a single ISFP male to date, even though I know they're not all like my friend.

Would it be a good idea for an ISFJ/ISTJ and an ISFP to start dating? Has anybody ever tried this combination before? Any advice?

ISTJ-ISFP falls under Benefit relations where ISTJ is benefactor to ISFP.
ISFJ-ISFP falls under Quasi-identical relations. Relationship descriptions.

Reactions: 1

Lisa Rangga

· #20 · Jul 7, 2013

I only know one ISTJ, he's a boring person and too structure for me. I never met any other ISTJ, so I can't judge a personality with only just one person. But you can give it a go.

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