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Discussion Starter #1
For the ISTJ ladies, please bear with me since I'm getting a bit crazy not sure about what I'm feeling in regards to an ISTJ female.
I will lay in the data first for you to understand:

  • We grew up together and had a brother-sister relationship when I was dating her older sister.
  • My relationship with her sister was ended more than 5 years ago and her sister is dating another man today.
  • Good terms with my ex and her family.
  • Her family is really harmonious and treated me as part of their family. I'm really thankful for that as well.
  • We tend to see each other on a daily basis even when I and my ex broke up.
  • We have a touchy non-malicious kind of relationship. I really treated her as my younger sister back then since I'm the youngest in our family and longed for a sibling.
  • We moved to another location but kept in touch via texting and haven't met up until now.
  • When my sister died this January, she texted me, "I love you" after I told her the things I felt when my sister died - in my point of view, it was probably her way to cheer me up. I also responded with the same words as my thanks.
  • With that said, our texting relationship became a bit frequent and the I love yous becomes more common.
  • I am an affectionate type of person that doesn't shy off when saying what I feel, but I don't want to blurt out my feelings immediately when I'm not that sure about what I'm experiencing right now.
  • I'm starting to look for a way to chat with her, longing for her responses every time.
  • I also tell her how important she is to me and she always responds in an appreciative manner.
  • I'm starting to worry if I'm annoying her since she lacks a response lately. or I'm just imagining things and she was always like that since before.

Ladies, I would love to hear your advice: given the data,
  1. does she look at me as her brother only?
  2. If so, how should I approach her and make her interested in me?

I want to find out first if ever she's interested in me or not before I try to tell her my true feelings. I don't want to risk destroying years of our relationship with her and her family by expressing my feelings to her immediately.

Thanks in advance for your insights.
 

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1) She may mean she loves you as a brother, since she says it so often. Also, you dated her older sister in the past and I am not sure if she has a rule against dating men that her sister has dated (up to the individual person so I am not sure if she is like that or not).

2) You can ask her to hang out alone (sort of like a date) and see how she responds. If she agrees, it's a sign that she knows there's some potential romance involved. I think people are aware of this, even if the chance is slim. However, with that being said, doing this would definitely drop a hint that you're interested, but it seems that's what you want her to know, anyway. It takes two to tango and there's always going to be a risk if you choose to pursue each other.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks! I really appreciate your advice! Taking risks is somewhat normal to me. I just to try and minimize it as much as possible by gathering more information and make sure that I am not simply overthinking things. Because of COVID, I can't ask her to hang out, but I requested some of her spare time to text me for a small chit chat. I'm trying my best to be patient and wait for her response once she's ready.
 

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Discussion Starter #4 (Edited)
Sadly, my message got buried with other messages that we have talked about. Knowing her, she rarely backreads old messages from what I remembered her doing to other people as well. It could be that she saw it and ignored or just missed my message entirely (I'm probably overthinking things). I'm dealing with a person who doesn't use her mobile 75% of the day. But I'm not giving up easily.

I know that this is a waste of time for ISTJs but I have this thought of calling her out and asking her to date me for I don't know, a month as a trial? I want to tell her that she can use me to gain experience of having a boyfriend since I know that she didn't have any. I am confident that I raised the bar pretty high for her to find a boyfriend because I became the male model in their family and they look up to me. I'm so sorry if I looked like bragging, but that's really the state of their family: Single Mother and all-female siblings.
Hence, I became part of the family because I tried to look out for them when I was dating the older sister.
  • I took some part-time jobs and helped out their mother financially with my ex as my middle man/woman.
  • I genuinely cared for them and thought of them as my family as I was raised that way by my single mother as well.
  • I gave them a quote about my own perspective, "Women are like flowers, never pick them up if you're just going to destroy it".
I'm pretty sure I have a low chance to get dated since I'm a giver type of person. It inspires me to watch other people grow. Ladies tend to like the cool mysterious type or the bad boys.

It took me a long time to think if I should post this since I only look like bragging, but fuck it. I need to lay out the details for you to understand and help me shed light on those things that I haven't seen or know yet.

What are your thoughts?


P.S.: Both of our families have deceased father just in case this information is needed.
 

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Ha, I wasn't sure at first if this thread was asking for advice or giving advice to ISTJ women.

Given your history dating her older sister and your terms with her family, I wouldn't date her. It seems like she still considers you just as a brother, and I don't think the mom would appreciate it.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Ha, I wasn't sure at first if this thread was asking for advice or giving advice to ISTJ women.

Given your history dating her older sister and your terms with her family, I wouldn't date her. It seems like she still considers you just as a brother, and I don't think the mom would appreciate it.
Thanks for your output. Given time in my isolation, I thought about the same thing. I'm already moving on and tried to reconnect with my friends online (I'm going crazy with everything that's happening right now related to the pandemic!).

I just got overwhelmed with the unexpected affection that was shown to me when I was down and craved for more.
 
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