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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Many girls would say they look for the following qualities in a guy. (These are ISTJ ones as well)

* Honor their commitments
* Take their relationship roles very seriously
* Usually able to communicate what's on their minds with precision
* Good listeners
* Extremely good (albeit conservative) with money
* Able to take constructive criticism well
* Able to tolerate conflict situations without emotional upheaval
* Able to dole out punishment or criticism when called for
* And we have goals we will meet.

So every girl I have ever talked with or comforted when she was upset has been looking for a guy just like this loyal to the end.

So my question is if you are a ISTJ male and on a scale of 1-10 (1 being some 450lb hick and a 10 being Brad PItt) how is it that ISTJ's that are 6-10 have such a hard time finding women?
 

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when someone states what she is looking for, she is most directly saying what she wants to be perceived as looking for.
I think this alone sums it up. I think a lot of people my age (I'm 19) don't actually know what they want, and are basing their list of wants on things that they are told are desireable.
 

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To answer the OP's question, I'd be about a 6.5. I'm somewhat thin and I look like a nerd (pimples and all). For me, I just don't care right now. Being in a relationship in not on high priority right now. If it happens, it happens. I do agree that I can be shy/awkward towards women, but that's probably something common in ISTJ's. Quite a few other people my age are in the same boat as me where it's just high priority, so I can relate.
 

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News flash: Every woman is different! I'd like to point out that I highly doubt the girls that you asked even knew what they REALLY wanted. They were just spouting off some things they think might kind-of be cool to have in a mate. =P

It's pretty obvious that you are into a young lady, and that she is crying about another guy. That sucks, dude. It really does. I feel for you.

The only thing you can do is go out into public, and smile at the next beautiful young woman you find. If she smiles back, go and say hello! Work on it. It's a skill. Skills can be learned.
 

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Because
  • when someone states what she is looking for, she is most directly saying what she wants to be perceived as looking for
  • "loyalty," &c. are difficult to signal
  • self-assessed pulchritude is biased upwards, and
  • you're introverted
Don't overthink it.
Well said.
Women desire different things, but the one thing we're certain of is that what they do often contradicts what they say.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
News flash: Every woman is different! I'd like to point out that I highly doubt the girls that you asked even knew what they REALLY wanted. They were just spouting off some things they think might kind-of be cool to have in a mate. =P

It's pretty obvious that you are into a young lady, and that she is crying about another guy. That sucks, dude. It really does. I feel for you.

The only thing you can do is go out into public, and smile at the next beautiful young woman you find. If she smiles back, go and say hello! Work on it. It's a skill. Skills can be learned.
Na it was a long time ago but a funny thought...
 

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Because
  • when someone states what she is looking for, she is most directly saying what she wants to be perceived as looking for
Don't overthink it.
I think this alone sums it up. I think a lot of people my age (I'm 19) don't actually know what they want, and are basing their list of wants on things that they are told are desireable.

Correct. Most people don't know what they want. Many guys will say they just want someone who's sweet/nice, but will jump at the chance to date that dumb bimbo. Many girls I know will say they want someone who's nice, but will hardly hesitate to date that jerk jock.


It's just reality.


Though in my case...lately...my "mysteriousness" and my seeming goody goody manners[classic ISTJ traits] have been only been altering how I'm perceived.


Little things like giving up my front seat for an elderly lady, leaving the room and announcing that I didn't wanna listen to people crap-talking on someone who lives in our apartment building, and (in one case) mentioning being single my whole life have only contributed to my being perceived as somewhat "different," in both good and bad ways.


To all my fellow male ISTJs out there: Don't deny who you are. You have a strong sense of what's right and wrong. Live by it and be true to yourself. If you feel as though you really can't stand being around a bunch of louts, go ditch 'em and find a new circle of friends whom you know you can trust and get along with better. If you're like me and you feel compelled to give up your seat on the train for an elderly person, do it!


Just don't be shy...or so I tell myself!!!


EDIT: Forgot to add. I think I unwittingly gave off the white knight impression a week ago. Some chick in my class who's very extroverted asked for my help on an assignment. I gave her scant tips on how to research some points. She left feeling confused. After 2 minutes of debating whether to help her out, I went after her to make sure she was doing ok, but found her working with someone else. After I blurted out "Oh, so you figured it out. Good," I left with her staring at me very curiously. Yeah, blame me for being a typical ISTJ protector.

I dunno whether I gave off the impression that I was looking out for her. But lately...in class...I've caught her looking over at me quite a few times! :laughing:
 

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Many girls would say they look for the following qualities in a guy. (These are ISTJ ones as well)

* Honor their commitments
* Take their relationship roles very seriously
* Usually able to communicate what's on their minds with precision
* Good listeners
* Extremely good (albeit conservative) with money
* Able to take constructive criticism well
* Able to tolerate conflict situations without emotional upheaval
* Able to dole out punishment or criticism when called for
* And we have goals we will meet.

So every girl I have ever talked with or comforted when she was upset has been looking for a guy just like this loyal to the end.

So my question is if you are a ISTJ male and on a scale of 1-10 (1 being some 450lb hick and a 10 being Brad PItt) how is it that ISTJ's that are 6-10 have such a hard time finding women?
Almost. I agree you have some serious goods. It needs some adjusting, however. "Punishment"? *Shivers* I don't believe in punishment, discipline is healthier and hopefully it's reserved for your children and not your SO.

So I've updated the list:

* Honor their commitments
* Take their relationship roles very seriously
* Usually able to communicate what's on their minds
* Good listeners
* Extremely good (albeit conservative) with money
* Able to take constructive criticism well
* Able to tolerate conflict situations without emotional upheaval
* And we have goals we will meet
* Patient
* Open minded
* Works on himself/has empathy
* Won't try to change me


I'm not sure if ISTJs are big on the last 4?
 
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Most women aren't ready to settle down until their late 20s at the earliest. Until this point, they "want to have fun", which means they want to bang every other attractive guy they can. Women "say" they want (insert list of ISTJ characteristics here), but in reality, they really don't because they aren't attractive characteristics.

In the end, ISTJs are great providers, just not great lovers. I'm willing to bet that many ISTJ married men eventually get cheated on because of our personality (boring, safe, not spontaneous, etc).

*Disclaimer*

Before you ladies get your panties in a bunch, I said MOST. Just because you and your 2 friends aren't raging sluts, doesn't mean 52% of woman aged 18-30 aren't.
 

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Most women aren't ready to settle down until their late 20s at the earliest. Until this point, they "want to have fun", which means they want to bang every other attractive guy they can. Women "say" they want (insert list of ISTJ characteristics here), but in reality, they really don't because they aren't attractive characteristics.

In the end, ISTJs are great providers, just not great lovers. I'm willing to bet that many ISTJ married men eventually get cheated on because of our personality (boring, safe, not spontaneous, etc).

*Disclaimer*

Before you ladies get your panties in a bunch, I said MOST. Just because you and your 2 friends aren't raging sluts, doesn't mean 52% of woman aged 18-30 aren't.
...

:sad:
 

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Most women aren't ready to settle down until their late 20s at the earliest. Until this point, they "want to have fun", which means they want to bang every other attractive guy they can. Women "say" they want (insert list of ISTJ characteristics here), but in reality, they really don't because they aren't attractive characteristics.

In the end, ISTJs are great providers, just not great lovers. I'm willing to bet that many ISTJ married men eventually get cheated on because of our personality (boring, safe, not spontaneous, etc).

*Disclaimer*

Before you ladies get your panties in a bunch, I said MOST. Just because you and your 2 friends aren't raging sluts, doesn't mean 52% of woman aged 18-30 aren't.
I'll validate you. My girlfriends 18-30 are more focused on a career rather than relationships. I also broke off 2 engagements in my 20s and chose my career instead. But rarely do we admit it to ourselves.

Edit: However, I would never cheat on a man if he was truly committed to the relationship. I've been looking for that most of my life. Consistent and safe are very important factors when I look for a mate.
 
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Well to the OP: Let me ask you this, because this is one of the main issues I've had with ISTJ men, they are sex craved. When I have to snap my fingers in your face and say, "Hello my eyes are up here thank you", after everything I say, I quickly lose patience. I'm not sure if you are that way or not, and I really think it's...well are ISTJ's known to be a little insecure? If they are then it would kind of make sense. Trying to define themselves with their sexual prowess in order to feel accepted by a mate. Not sure. But I will warn you of this (not sure of other INTJ women), but if I like you, I like you. That in itself is one hell of a compliment. I don't want you for what you can do in the bedroom, even if that is a plus it's beside the point. You trying to impress me, or whatever, by buttering up how beautiful my body is, and not being able to focus on what I say because of it, is not going to turn me on, or keep me interested in you, it's going to highly annoy me, and I'll cut you lose before you even have the chance to prove yourself.
 

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Well to the OP: Let me ask you this, because this is one of the main issues I've had with ISTJ men, they are sex craved. When I have to snap my fingers in your face and say, "Hello my eyes are up here thank you", after everything I say, I quickly lose patience. I'm not sure if you are that way or not, and I really think it's...well are ISTJ's known to be a little insecure? If they are then it would kind of make sense. Trying to define themselves with their sexual prowess in order to feel accepted by a mate. Not sure. But I will warn you of this (not sure of other INTJ women), but if I like you, I like you. That in itself is one hell of a compliment. I don't want you for what you can do in the bedroom, even if that is a plus it's beside the point. You trying to impress me, or whatever, by buttering up how beautiful my body is, and not being able to focus on what I say because of it, is not going to turn me on, or keep me interested in you, it's going to highly annoy me, and I'll cut you lose before you even have the chance to prove yourself.
You're describing someone who is sexually immature, NOT an ISTJ.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Almost. I agree you have some serious goods. It needs some adjusting, however. "Punishment"? *Shivers* I don't believe in punishment, discipline is healthier and hopefully it's reserved for your children and not your SO.

So I've updated the list:

* Honor their commitments
* Take their relationship roles very seriously
* Usually able to communicate what's on their minds
* Good listeners
* Extremely good (albeit conservative) with money
* Able to take constructive criticism well
* Able to tolerate conflict situations without emotional upheaval
* And we have goals we will meet
* Patient
* Open minded
* Works on himself/has empathy
* Won't try to change me


I'm not sure if ISTJs are big on the last 4?
As an ISTJ I think it plays to relationships there is a point when we draw the line with games and being used.

And for the other post below about the constant need for sex? I don't know who you are talking about but that isn't normal..
 
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