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ISTJs,

What can push you to get into an argument or conflict with someone? Do you ever like to start conflicts and arguments just for the sake of starting an argument?

For me, I can end up in a conflict with someone if I see them doing things inefficiently or incorrectly. I will state my opinion about it if I see it as important enough (like if someone's incompetence affects my work or my schedule). But sometimes this gets me in the dog house so in some cases I've had to learn to shut up if it's not important enough to my own work. I like to keep the peace if at all possible.

I can also get in an argument with someone if I see them doing something that violated my internal values (like, how people should be treated).

Other than that, I'm pretty mellow, and have a high aversion for conflicts and arguments.

I guess the inefficiency/inaccuracy is my Te and Si coming out, but the values thing is more my Fi.

What about you all?
 

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I am pretty anti-conflict. I hate arguing and try to avoid it. However, when someone I know very well is acting out of character in a negative way or won't let an issue drop I speak up and can be extremely stubborn about backing down. With people I don't know well I will do whatever possible to avoid conflict because I'm unaware of how they'll react or what might come about as a result. However, with those I know very well I can better predict their reactions and I know whether or not they tend to hold grudges or get over things.

This doesn't mean that I don't get extremely frustrated and WANT to speak up or argue a point, but I try to let things pass. This seems to be beneficial about half of the time. Most of the time it saves both parties from situations that are potentially hurtful or awkward, but it can also leave me extremely frustrated while the other person is in the dark.

When I do have points of true conflict with another person I usually feel extremely nervous about it and try to smooth things over with the other person, but in subtle ways because I really don't like talking about the conflict directly. Not the best method, I know, but it's what I always seem to get stuck in. :bored:
 

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MOTM May 2011
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All relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control in a conflict situation, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ISTJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ISTJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits:


  • Instinctive to confront the conflict
    Will react to the conflict directly, straightforwardly, impartially, and at first anyway, dispassionately
    Naturally prone toward impatience with the conflict, will desire to solve it as soon as possible
    Take the most logical approach to finding the solution
    Will view “conflict” as a normal, accepted part of life
    Will take a realistic, no-nonsense, in-the-moment approach to it
ISTJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits


  • Direct and purposeful action
    Use logic to solve the problem
    Decide quickly
    Move on the decision quickly

ISTJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be


  • Realistic, in-the now
    Logical
    Practical and pragmatic
    Feasible
    Well-organized
    Results-focused

ISTJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities


  • Probably will not affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict
    Tendency to direct, order and not listen
    Will not view the alternatives, the options as quickly as others
    May unilaterally decide upon a solution and run the risk of alienating others
    Will naturally critique things not meeting their standards
    Will be less likely to indicate thanks and appreciation
    Strong tendency to fix a problem rather than simply listen
Compatibility Test Marriage Attributes- ISTJ!!
 

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ISTJs,

What can push you to get into an argument or conflict with someone? Do you ever like to start conflicts and arguments just for the sake of starting an argument?

For me, I can end up in a conflict with someone if I see them doing things inefficiently or incorrectly. I will state my opinion about it if I see it as important enough (like if someone's incompetence affects my work or my schedule). But sometimes this gets me in the dog house so in some cases I've had to learn to shut up if it's not important enough to my own work. I like to keep the peace if at all possible.

I can also get in an argument with someone if I see them doing something that violated my internal values (like, how people should be treated).

Other than that, I'm pretty mellow, and have a high aversion for conflicts and arguments.

I guess the inefficiency/inaccuracy is my Te and Si coming out, but the values thing is more my Fi.

What about you all?
Good questions.

I prefer peace, but I view conflict as a natural part of the human existence. So conflict is not particularly unsettling to me, though I will attempt to avoid them if it isn't important.

While I never start an argument, just for the sake of an argument, if someone is wrong I'm never bashful about telling them that they are in error, if it affects me in some way, or if they are disseminating incorrect information to a group.

If a person crosses a boundary, there is sure to be a conflict.

If you are doing something wrong, inefficiently, damaging equipment, etc. I probably won't say anything unless it is an area of my responsibility, or concerns something where I feel that the person would like to know about their error.

Gotta run. HTH:happy:
 

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ISTJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities


  • Probably will not affirm someone else’s feelings and emotions in a conflict
    Tendency to direct, order and not listen
    Will not view the alternatives, the options as quickly as others
    May unilaterally decide upon a solution and run the risk of alienating others
    Will naturally critique things not meeting their standards
    Will be less likely to indicate thanks and appreciation
    Strong tendency to fix a problem rather than simply listen
I think you've been eavesdropping on my arguments with my sister :wink:...eerie.
 

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The enneagram type 1's wing 9 comes out heavily in me as it is dominant. The 9 wing is a peacemaker, one which doesn't like to create friction but rather say "well thats one way of looking at it, not that I agree". When advocating a point of view someones attacking my argumentative side may come out, or may not, but if it does its the wing 2 coming out of me, as I will my opinion onto others and the frustration is unleashed as the words escape.
 

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I can be pretty prone to conflict if it means defending what I have to say. When I have facts to back myself up on a statement, I tend to think that I am right and don't give others a chance to explain their side and maybe get a different perspective. I'm slowly easing up on this, but it still happens a fair amount of the time.
 

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I tend to avoid conflict unless:

1. It adversely affects me personally (the problem here is that it maybe a small matter to someone else, but I view it rather dramatically)
2. It relates to something that is just plain wrong / unfair, at least in my minds eye

Otherwise, I am fairly "live and let live". (nn)
 

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What can push you to get into an argument or conflict with someone? When something someone does implies they have no respect for my personal space, time or having intentions assigned to me and being misunderstood.

Do you ever like to start conflicts and arguments just for the sake of starting an argument? I wouldn't use the word "like"; but I do find "adult conversations" typically necessary to fully more forward, and I certainly prefer it to keeping my feelings stuffed.
 
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I don't like arguing with people because it seems pointless to me. I try to solve the issue as soon as possible and just move on and not waste any time. I also HATE postponing things when it comes to conflict. I remember my friend had an issue with me, but since I care about my buddy, I told him we must solve this issue and get it over with, even though he insisted in postponing it and talking about it at a later time. I just don't like to do that, I just want to get straight to the point, solve the problem, wrap it up and move on.
 

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What can push you to get into an argument or conflict with someone? Do you ever like to start conflicts and arguments just for the sake of starting an argument?
Unfairness, illogical views voiced, incorrect information being spread, boundary violations, someone messing with my things.

There is always a reason for starting the argument but I'll admit I sometimes enjoy it for its own sake too. However if I perceive the argument has become unconstructive, I will instantly lose all interest in that enjoyment. I will push for the conclusion of the conflict very quickly at that point and at other times too, I prefer being to the point.

My views on being fair and hearing the other partner out as fully as possible can conflict with my desire of making a snap judgment and decision on the issue though. It can take a while with that then. But as soon as I see that I've understood enough, I again quickly cut to the final conclusion. And if I started with a -as far as I believe- full understanding in mind, the other party would have a very hard time changing my views on it to have me not go for a practical conclusion right away that's to be actually implemented.

I was talking about my interactions with people in general in the above. But, I will do this with people close to me just as readily too if the issue is important. On the whole though, I'm a bit less argumentative with those people, as with the closeness there's less friction and more understanding in general, I guess.


For me, I can end up in a conflict with someone if I see them doing things inefficiently or incorrectly. I will state my opinion about it if I see it as important enough (like if someone's incompetence affects my work or my schedule). But sometimes this gets me in the dog house so in some cases I've had to learn to shut up if it's not important enough to my own work. I like to keep the peace if at all possible.
Yeah I'm also learning to not start them so often when over time I find it actually gets in my own way in a certain area (the workplace is a good example).


Other than that, I'm pretty mellow, and have a high aversion for conflicts and arguments.
Nope, as another poster in the thread said, I find conflict a natural part of life. I'm not quite old enough to get mellow just yet :p
 
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