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Okay ... I just need some advice or insight even. My partner is an ISTP and I just moved in with him (into his house) this weekend. For what it is worth ... I never brought it up, it was his idea, which I am super glad about. And know it's more meaningful that it came from him being he is an ISTP.

Anyway, all is great, but one issue I am having is getting him to work with me to get the house in order. He is a project guy, very creative and mechanical, but there is some day to day stuff that needs to be done so we don't live in a pig sty -- and frankly, I can only do so much. Eventually I want a housekeeper every two weeks to do the basic floors, bathroom, stove, etc., because neither of us is super keen on house cleaning, but unlike hiim I can't stand living in dirt or slobbiness.

I guess, my question is how can I motivate him to get things done. I know it's not good to nag an ISTP. I do ask and then says yes, but then doesn't do it and it drives me crazy! I know he is not doing it to be an ass, but it's hard to get him to focus! He jumps all over the place and creates a million projects for himself. I thought I was bad as an ENTP but he is way worse!!

Any advice??!!
 

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Okay ... I just need some advice or insight even. My partner is an ISTP and I just moved in with him (into his house) this weekend. For what it is worth ... I never brought it up, it was his idea, which I am super glad about. And know it's more meaningful that it came from him being he is an ISTP.

Anyway, all is great, but one issue I am having is getting him to work with me to get the house in order. He is a project guy, very creative and mechanical, but there is some day to day stuff that needs to be done so we don't live in a pig sty -- and frankly, I can only do so much. Eventually I want a housekeeper every two weeks to do the basic floors, bathroom, stove, etc., because neither of us is super keen on house cleaning, but unlike hiim I can't stand living in dirt or slobbiness.

I guess, my question is how can I motivate him to get things done. I know it's not good to nag an ISTP. I do ask and then says yes, but then doesn't do it and it drives me crazy! I know he is not doing it to be an ass, but it's hard to get him to focus! He jumps all over the place and creates a million projects for himself. I thought I was bad as an ENTP but he is way worse!!

Any advice??!!
Haha, this is great. He sounds exactly like me in this department. I hate housework. I'm notorious for living out of the dryer or the dish washer, but some other types can't stand it, and one must think of others, too. The problem is, I don't think I can help you much. I'm trying to more cleaning-aware, but I'm not even half-way there. But I'll try.

You say you ask, and then he forgets? Happens to me all the time. If you ask, I'm more than willing to do it. But I can get sidetracked pretty easily, and forget completely about it. But if I forget, I have no problem with a reminder, like: "Hey, did you do the dishes like you said you would?" Then I'll remember: "Ah, no...I didn't." And I also have no problem with a "Well, get off your lazy butt and do it!" And I'll gripe a little, "Yeah, yeah..." or a "Do it yourself, you bum" but I'll do it like I said. (I live with my ISTP dad, and it's a Feeler-free zone! :crazy:) Do you think your ISTP would mind a direct reminder similar to this scenario? I don't see this as the same as nagging, but another ISTP might have a different view point. Now if you're constantly riding my butt about it, then it becomes nagging...try not to do that.

I would suggest to insert these reminders at a point where he's not doing anything, so he doesn't have an excuse of procrastinating any further. Or, for instance, if I'm watching TV, I'll do chores in spurts during commercials, which also feeds a SP's desire for frequent breaks: Watch a little TV, empty the dish washer, watch a little TV, fold the towels, watch a little TV, put the towels away, etc.

I don't know; is any of this any help?
 

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Okay ... I just need some advice or insight even. My partner is an ISTP and I just moved in with him (into his house) this weekend. For what it is worth ... I never brought it up, it was his idea, which I am super glad about. And know it's more meaningful that it came from him being he is an ISTP.

Anyway, all is great, but one issue I am having is getting him to work with me to get the house in order. He is a project guy, very creative and mechanical, but there is some day to day stuff that needs to be done so we don't live in a pig sty -- and frankly, I can only do so much. Eventually I want a housekeeper every two weeks to do the basic floors, bathroom, stove, etc., because neither of us is super keen on house cleaning, but unlike hiim I can't stand living in dirt or slobbiness.

I guess, my question is how can I motivate him to get things done. I know it's not good to nag an ISTP. I do ask and then says yes, but then doesn't do it and it drives me crazy! I know he is not doing it to be an ass, but it's hard to get him to focus! He jumps all over the place and creates a million projects for himself. I thought I was bad as an ENTP but he is way worse!!

Any advice??!!
Most guys aren't into keeping house.
There are always ways to ask him without "nagging." You can always bribe him with a simple reward. Or show your earnest appreciation and give him a big delicious kiss.
 

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Haha, this is great. He sounds exactly like me in this department. I hate housework. I'm notorious for living out of the dryer or the dish washer, but some other types can't stand it, and one must think of others, too. The problem is, I don't think I can help you much. I'm trying to more cleaning-aware, but I'm not even half-way there. But I'll try.

You say you ask, and then he forgets? Happens to me all the time. If you ask, I'm more than willing to do it. But I can get sidetracked pretty easily, and forget completely about it. But if I forget, I have no problem with a reminder, like: "Hey, did you do the dishes like you said you would?" Then I'll remember: "Ah, no...I didn't." And I also have no problem with a "Well, get off your lazy butt and do it!" And I'll gripe a little, "Yeah, yeah..." or a "Do it yourself, you bum" but I'll do it like I said. (I live with my ISTP dad, and it's a Feeler-free zone! :crazy:) Do you think your ISTP would mind a direct reminder similar to this scenario? I don't see this as the same as nagging, but another ISTP might have a different view point. Now if you're constantly riding my butt about it, then it becomes nagging...try not to do that.

I would suggest to insert these reminders at a point where he's not doing anything, so he doesn't have an excuse of procrastinating any further. Or, for instance, if I'm watching TV, I'll do chores in spurts during commercials, which also feeds a SP's desire for frequent breaks: Watch a little TV, empty the dish washer, watch a little TV, fold the towels, watch a little TV, put the towels away, etc.

I don't know; is any of this any help?
I find that to-do lists can be helpful. I had to learn how to make them for myself. :laughing:
 

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I find that to-do lists can be helpful. I had to learn how to make them for myself. :laughing:
Yeah, I'll try making a mental to-do list for that day, or the night before. I'll be happy if I do about half of them...I only get half done probably because of all my TV breaks. :cool:
 
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My partner is an ISTP and I just moved in with him (into his house) this weekend.
If it's his house, then I guess he already has his established habits. When you agreed to move in with him, did he agree to change his habits? Or did you assume (or hope) that he would.

If he agreed to change them, then you're within your rights to nag the bejesus out of him. If not, then you should probably have a discussion and see if there's any chance of making an addendum to your verbal contract.
 

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There's probably sometime during the day when your ISTP has nothing to do. Even though it looks like he is busy, he is probably just killing time. Knowing something more important and pressing (who knows maybe he zoned out and just forgot?) is at hand should be enough to drop whatever time waster.

At least, that's how I see it.

[Edit] Hell will have no fury if you can't tell between when he is engaged in something worthwhile vs boredom killing.
 

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Yeah, I'll try making a mental to-do list for that day, or the night before. I'll be happy if I do about half of them...I only get half done probably because of all my TV breaks. :cool:
The physical list seems to make a difference for me. I put it so it's "in sight in mind" so I can't brush it off.

There's probably sometime during the day when your ISTP has nothing to do. Even though it looks like he is busy, he is probably just killing time. Knowing something more important and pressing (who knows maybe he zoned out and just forgot?) is at hand should be enough to drop whatever time waster.

At least, that's how I see it.

[Edit] Hell will have no fury if you can't tell between when he is engaged in something worthwhile vs boredom killing.
Yes. Especially the edit.
 

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Cool, I'm sort of dealing with this issue too. In a few days we'll be moving into our first real place together (before, like you, I was living at his place). We chose a place that has plenty of room, shelves, closets, so his clutter will have somewhere to go. He has his own basement which I've agreed never to touch or complain about the cleanliness of. There's a tiny spare room that might turn into his own walk-in closet, by which I mean he'll throw his used clothes in there to sort through in the morning -- he absolutely cannot fold or neatly put away his clothes into dressers -- it is mentally impossible for him because he gets nothing out of it.

For chores, we divide them up. I do the dishes, he takes out the garbage, buys ingredients, cooks and puts away the mess. I clean the kitchen, he cleans the bathroom (or at least the toilet). He's best with chores of short duration, and more reliable if all he has to do is the last step (or one step). And yeah, I let him do them at his own pace. Occasional reminders ARE necessary, but turn it into something funny and don't say it has to be done NOW, cuz he'll just rebel. One time, he was supposed to cook and it took him 30 minutes running around "doing stuff" (on the computer) before I had to remind him that all he had basically done was move the pot and pan to the stove. :facepalm:

In the new place, I hope to set some concrete rules, like no empty cartons left on the dining table, things like that, and make it easy for him to abide by by having big boxes nearby where he can toss in whatever, with minimal effort. In the new place where we'll have better decor, and a fresh slate, there might be more incentive to keep the main rooms looking nice -- as long as he can do whatever he wants in his basement. I agree that it's harder to change habits if the place was all his to begin with, but it can be done. Worse comes to worst, he might *have* to hit rock bottom to realize that it's better to maintain cleanliness than come home and see vermin running around.

For him, I don't think paper lists would work, as they might easily get lost. I am considering hanging a dry erase board with maximum 3 reminders on it. It's exhausting to have to remind all the time or clean up after him, but he makes up for it in amazing ways, doesn't he? Ultimately, it's gonna take time to find a working balance for you two.

ISTPs = hard to domesticate! ;-)
 

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For him, I don't think paper lists would work, as they might easily get lost. I am considering hanging a dry erase board with maximum 3 reminders on it. It's exhausting to have to remind all the time or clean up after him, but he makes up for it in amazing ways, doesn't he? Ultimately, it's gonna take time to find a working balance for you two.

ISTPs = hard to domesticate! ;-)
You know, that dry erase board is not such a bad idea.

It's true, ISTPs are very resistant to taming...I don't think it can be done. The trouble is, for me anyways, that society expects me as a woman to eventually take on a domestic role. I have a problem with this, not because I am a feminist (which I'm not!), and think that a life like that has no merit (which it does), but because it's not me. It doesn't fit, and I am resistant to such conformity. This is going to make the road ahead in life very interesting.
 
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You know, that dry erase board is not such a bad idea.

It's true, ISTPs are very resistant to taming...I don't think it can be done. The trouble is, for me anyways, that society expects me as a woman to eventually take on a domestic role. I have a problem with this, not because I am a feminist (which I'm not!), and think that a life like that has no merit (which it does), but because it's not me. It doesn't fit, and I am resistant to such conformity. This is going to make the road ahead in life very interesting.
I admire your spirit, but for my sanity's sake, I hope it's not true that all ISTPs can't be "tamed". Actually, I would bet that you're right, but the taming starts from within the ISTP first, all we SOs can do is facilitate it by providing the appropriate management system. I laugh when my ISTP says he's gonna take his mail and file them away right at the door -- it's so hard to imagine him doing that! But you bet I'll buy that filing cabinet and put it right there so he CAN do it. Where there's a will, there's a way.
 

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Okay ... I just need some advice or insight even. My partner is an ISTP and I just moved in with him (into his house) this weekend. For what it is worth ... I never brought it up, it was his idea, which I am super glad about. And know it's more meaningful that it came from him being he is an ISTP.

Anyway, all is great, but one issue I am having is getting him to work with me to get the house in order. He is a project guy, very creative and mechanical, but there is some day to day stuff that needs to be done so we don't live in a pig sty -- and frankly, I can only do so much. Eventually I want a housekeeper every two weeks to do the basic floors, bathroom, stove, etc., because neither of us is super keen on house cleaning, but unlike hiim I can't stand living in dirt or slobbiness.

I guess, my question is how can I motivate him to get things done. I know it's not good to nag an ISTP. I do ask and then says yes, but then doesn't do it and it drives me crazy! I know he is not doing it to be an ass, but it's hard to get him to focus! He jumps all over the place and creates a million projects for himself. I thought I was bad as an ENTP but he is way worse!!

Any advice??!!

do it as a team. guage what time you'll both have nothing better to be doing and say " at 7 or 8 we'll sort this place out, i'll do the left side and you do the right side" if one side is worse than the other you pick that and the less messy side will seem easy to him so he'll be more likely to want to be a part of your team clean up operation. or maybe there's things that he hates doing that you don't mind so much, you do them and let him pick what he wants to do. it's amazing how fast you can get the place clean when there are two people going at it as opposed to just you trudging along wanting to pull your own arms off and leaving them in the sink to finish off the ware.

my istp usually picks clearing the tables and hoovering and is deathly afraid of doing dishes so i always do that.we have no dishwasher but i don't really mind. a womans place is in the kitchen afterall! ha ha.

it just feels good to work as a team. it nearly makes it fun. the place starts looking cleaner quicker too and that definately takes the edge off. you can see the light at the end of the tunnel a little sooner.
 
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Interestingly enough, once I get on a roll, I'll most likely keep going. I'll let the clutter pile up for weeks (at my worst, months), and one day I'll be looking for something and can't find it (which rarely happens...even in the mess, I usually know where everything is), or maybe I'll just get sick of the mess (I do have my limits). So I'll start looking through my pile system, and sorting, reorganizing, putting away, throwing away. I'll look up and three hours has gone by, and my room is clean. But don't count on this sort of thing to happen often. It's even better if, like teabiscuits said, you have someone to do with you.
 

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Interestingly enough, once I get on a roll, I'll most likely keep going. I'll let the clutter pile up for weeks (at my worst, months), and one day I'll be looking for something and can't find it (which rarely happens...even in the mess, I usually know where everything is), or maybe I'll just get sick of the mess (I do have my limits). So I'll start looking through my pile system, and sorting, reorganizing, putting away, throwing away. I'll look up and three hours has gone by, and my room is clean.
Same here, I don't do much day-to-day cleaning. I only clean if I have a reason to. Reasons tend to occur at regular intervals, so it's never a concern.

I can clean my entire house really fast if it's urgent. Though I prefer to do it the extremely slow way, where time has no meaning and a simple task can branch out into all sorts of side projects. In which case my actual progress may be undetectable to the human eye.
 

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Same here, I don't do much day-to-day cleaning. I only clean if I have a reason to. Reasons tend to occur at regular intervals, so it's never a concern.

I can clean my entire house really fast if it's urgent. Though I prefer to do it the extremely slow way, where time has no meaning and a simple task can branch out into all sorts of side projects. In which case my actual progress may be undetectable to the human eye.
Yes! My cleaning will often unearth a long forgotten treasure or project (or several). The place will be torn up and I'll be sitting on the floor, engrossed in whatever has distracted me. What really sucks is if I lose steam during one of these "detours", then the place is worse than when I started. I'll probably end up sleeping on the couch, because I have all my crap piled on my bed, and I'm too apathetic to move it.
 
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