[rubystone]

Hello ISTPs! If you don't mind I would like to ask some questions about something and I'll present it in a certain situation. Here goes...

Let's say, there's a girl you've been with for a few years already. It started as a friendship and blossomed into something more. Both of you are attracted to each other intensely and you've said to the girl that you're soul mates (and yeah it's coming from you not the girl), etc. That you've never met anyone like her. Like she's the only one you've opened your heart with. You get the picture.

I know you guys are usually so fond of sex that it's part of the 'package'. Actually, the majority does. Not just ISTPs. However, this girl doesn't think like that. If the girl tells you that she's keeping her virginity till marriage and hope that you understand and respect her decision, do you think it's worth it to stay in the relationship with that condition? Or will your sexual needs and desires gradually overcome you that you will be forced to break the relationship off and find someone else who can fill in that need? Will you cheat with her by staying with her while satisfying that need somewhere else without her knowing it? Or are you going to persuade her until she gives in? Simply put, what are you going to do if your girlfriend tells you this limit in your relationship? Will it break the relationship or make it stronger?

Any response will be highly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Aquc]

Serious question, does masturbation count. Some believe it does, some beleive it doesn't. Other than that I would be completely loyal, I don't think I'd be able to cheat on her if I wanted to, which I wouldn't.

 

[emperor_domi]

I'd cheat or leave. Especially because I might feel like the girl is my soulmate and then three months later I'm sick of her, and it's not off of anything she did, I'm just not that good in long term relationships. Matter of fact, if I ever fix my lips to say that someone is my soulmate I need my head checked.

 

[Tenshi_rdk]

Wow what a hard question. But an ISTP that says he has never met someone like that - is being very serious. I once felt like that over a friend too and thats a once off thing :*( so far...

Hmmmm actually I think ( because this happened to me ), the ISTP might become even more in love with you. Since his need is not being met, so he won't stop trying to find a solution to make it happen. But hmmmm sometimes we all give up... I don't think he will leave you unless the love fades away.

But cheating..hmmm....that depends on the person's values really..not really type I would say. Porn could help his needs for now

 

[Charles Schwaniger]

I'm sorry. I'm failing to see how I could be in a relationship for that long and not bring up sex.

 

[VictoriaB]

I was in a situation something like yours.

We where friends at first, then got involved in a relationship. We dated for a long time and then one day he pulled me into a room with him and told me that the physical part of our relationship needed to be put on hold tell our wedding...which was a year away. I agreed because of the way I felt about him.

Over time, it got worse and worse between us. Eventually leading to the worst split I've ever indeered and now I've never found someone who has even compaired.

 

[BlueG]

(Preface: straight female ISTP commenting)

With deep emotions, I rehearse them over and over in my head. I want to be fully sure, that my entire mind agrees. By the time I've actually told the person, I am almost sick of hearing it - because I have thought about it so much.

I completely respect people who want to wait for marriage. If I think the person is a soul mate, they're worth it. Totally worth it. However it doesn't mean I wouldn't want to rip their pants off. I wouldn't persuade the person.

I just wouldn't want the person to brag about it, or talk about it all the time. That's just annoying.

Break or make it stronger? I am not sure it would do either.

 

[Ikari_T]

If I really like her, or even love, I wouldn't allow the question of sex or masturbation get in the way of our relationship. This is coming from a person who is very idealistic and stays true to his principles. As long as I get to at least hold her in my arms. <---If she even take this away then I'll be quite upset.

 

[rubystone]

Thanks for all your responses! Really appreciate it. It seems your answers are as varied as the stars in the sky.

As for masturbation, I don't know. I haven't really thought about that. I guess it's a different story.

I'd cheat or leave. Especially because I might feel like the girl is my soulmate and then three months later I'm sick of her, and it's not off of anything she did, I'm just not that good in long term relationships. Matter of fact, if I ever fix my lips to say that someone is my soulmate I need my head checked.

Well, have you ever been in a relationship wherein you have actually felt that way? Or the closest thing to that that makes you believe in long term relationships? Also, what do you mean by 'sick of her'? In what way? Is sexual frustration involved in it?

I was in a situation something like yours.

We where friends at first, then got involved in a relationship. We dated for a long time and then one day he pulled me into a room with him and told me that the physical part of our relationship needed to be put on hold tell our wedding...which was a year away. I agreed because of the way I felt about him.

Over time, it got worse and worse between us. Eventually leading to the worst split I've ever indeered and now I've never found someone who has even compaired.

Interesting. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out though. If you don't mind, why and how did it became worse? Did you persuade him to have sex but he never gives in? Or something like that? I'm curious. Well, since you've mentioned that this situation is something like mine, I'm going to open up a bit about it. This is actually my first relationship and I really want to make it work. However, opening this up to him seriously may be a deal breaker and I don't want it to happen if he finds it that way. I find it quite surprising because he never fails on saying things that normally wouldn't come from an ISTP. Like those stuff I've mentioned before. He even regarded his brother as my 'brother-in-law' and told his family, relatives, and friends about me when I haven't really even done that actually. I mean not in a major way. He has said that I'm very 'special' and 'the most important person in his life' yada yada yada. Like seriously? I find it really hard to believe and I just hope that what he feels for me is enough to keep this relationship without crossing that one boundary. Gotta keep the fire burnin'.

Anyhow, it's been nice reading your responses and thanks so much.

 

[VictoriaB]

@rubystone

Thing's that happened between myself ans him where directly caused from third party's. There where issues between his mother and her disapproval of our actions. On top of that she was highly religious where my family is not. It seemed the moment that someone expressed doubt in our relationship he began to withdraw himself more and more. First it was simple things like kissing where people could see us, then progressed into not physical actions what so ever. We where engaged and the majority of people we knew didn't even know we where dating.

It was hard on me because I was forced into being someone that I wasn't. When I told him how much I cared about him it was the truth. But I cant change who I am just to please someone else.

 

[rubystone]

I see. I guess a lot of factors really contribute if a relationship will work or not. But let's say, that sex itself was the one thing missing out from the relationship. Kissing, hugging, necking, etc. is there. Just no sex. Can you still imagine yourself with him? Thanks for giving me some insight of your relationship though.

 

[DustyDrill]

Sex is a requirement in my relationships.

 

[Nope]

IF i were to get married, its not gonna happen til I'm at-least around 30, and there's no way I'm waiting that long to have sex again.

I wouldn't cheat though, I'd just break up with her. I am willing to wait a couple months if it's the right girl.

 

[VictoriaB]

@rubystone

I think that if it where just sex that was missing then we could have been together longer. But I don't know that it would have still changed things to much. Even if the other things where still their, it wasn't ment to be. So it didn't work out. And honestly, it was for the better that things ended when they had.

 

[Finagle]

Since I don't plan to get married, yeah, to me that would be a definitive deal breaker.
I would not cheat, I would just end the relationship. To be honest, I would probably not even consider that a proper relationship in the first place....

 

[rubystone]

Wow! Thanks a lot guys! It will be a bitter pill to swallow (on my part), but it's nice to see that most of you would rather leave than cheat.

 

[emperor_domi]

Thanks for all your responses! Really appreciate it. It seems your answers are as varied as the stars in the sky.

As for masturbation, I don't know. I haven't really thought about that. I guess it's a different story.

I'd cheat or leave. Especially because I might feel like the girl is my soulmate and then three months later I'm sick of her, and it's not off of anything she did, I'm just not that good in long term relationships. Matter of fact, if I ever fix my lips to say that someone is my soulmate I need my head checked.

Well, have you ever been in a relationship wherein you have actually felt that way? Or the closest thing to that that makes you believe in long term relationships? Also, what do you mean by 'sick of her'? In what way? Is sexual frustration involved in it?

I was in a situation something like yours.

We where friends at first, then got involved in a relationship. We dated for a long time and then one day he pulled me into a room with him and told me that the physical part of our relationship needed to be put on hold tell our wedding...which was a year away. I agreed because of the way I felt about him.

Over time, it got worse and worse between us. Eventually leading to the worst split I've ever indeered and now I've never found someone who has even compaired.

Interesting. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out though. If you don't mind, why and how did it became worse? Did you persuade him to have sex but he never gives in? Or something like that? I'm curious. Well, since you've mentioned that this situation is something like mine, I'm going to open up a bit about it. This is actually my first relationship and I really want to make it work. However, opening this up to him seriously may be a deal breaker and I don't want it to happen if he finds it that way. I find it quite surprising because he never fails on saying things that normally wouldn't come from an ISTP. Like those stuff I've mentioned before. He even regarded his brother as my 'brother-in-law' and told his family, relatives, and friends about me when I haven't really even done that actually. I mean not in a major way. He has said that I'm very 'special' and 'the most important person in his life' yada yada yada. Like seriously? I find it really hard to believe and I just hope that what he feels for me is enough to keep this relationship without crossing that one boundary. Gotta keep the fire burnin'.

Anyhow, it's been nice reading your responses and thanks so much.

I get bored in my relationships. And I've never met someone that I've been too crazy about. The man I'm seeing now might come close, but even then I'm still to selfish to make sacrifices for someone. Someone has to be really worth it and I doubt I'll meet someone worth it. But at the same time, because I'm selfish, I like knowing that I have someone there. In your scenario, I'd care about the girl, but not enough to wait til marriage. It's very wrong, but it's how I feel and it's something I have to work on.

 

[rubystone]

Thanks for that. I do respect how you see things and it gives me a little bit of insight of how your type works and prolly how my ISTP work. We haven't really gotten to that point yet and when it comes I'll just see how it will end up. Either it will be a compromise (something he and I could work on) or move on with our lives despite of the feeling and connection.

 

[chinesefries]

That's actually pretty tough. Well I did read somewhere about ISTPs and the whole "nothing is unconditional". Like saying "I do/I will", it's really "for now". And that's pretty true, at least for me. I don't mean that literally, but I think that we tend to be unable to look so far ahead, and to really say yes/no that may affect anything long term, that's kind of a big thing..

I think he is serious about you, and I'm sure he'd be willing to wait, but overtime, I would get bored or even probably feel like the relationship isn't going anywhere. Now I don't necessarily think that sex is entirely important, but it's definitely nice to have, and if I was in the same case as him, I would wait because I respect your choices, but really who knows what would happen later?

Sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling, I'm not very good with carrying out my thoughts

 

[rubystone]

Haha. Thanks @chinesefries It's really okay and I don't mind the rambling. I ramble too so I understand.

Yes, I kind of figured that out too. That he was probably saying those things to me because that's how he felt at that time. And since he's the 'here and now' kind of person like you, he could feel less than that and probably would say in his mind 'I can't believe I said those things'. Anyway, I think I'm becoming more like him I guess. I've learned to just enjoy the 'here and now' with him and just like what he said, let's just see how this goes. Of course I'm still hoping, but not expecting him to do things or not do things because of me. If he really can't live with that, if it's really a requirement for him to have that in the relationship, then I really can't do anything about it, can I? So I'd also have to respect his decision if he wants to end things.