[seeg]

Has any one else been raised by an ESFJ mum?

I ask because I have this tendency to always smile when speaking with others to make everyone feel at ease and stuff and it was only recently that I realised that its actually a pretty shitty thing.

I get along with people great, but its always in a bit of a submissive way, as if my main purpose is to smile and make everyone else feel ok.

I can only guess this is because my mum (who is an immigrant to my home country which made her even more smiley and stuff, just so she would be accepted by the locals) drilled into me that I should be happy and friendly to everyone to get along. My dad also died when I was young (and before that he was totally pussy whipped by my mum) so I never had anyone to tell me to MTFU and be true to myself rather than just smiling and making everyone else feel good. Now it feels like basically all this time I've been making everyone else feel at ease at the expense of my own needs (and as a result, throwing away my dignity) and its fucking shit to be honest.

I always thought my Fe was really good, but now I'm thinking my Fe isn't really that good, its just that I know how to make a bit of a fool out of myself and act silly to get on with others maybe.

Now I'm in this shitty position where I feel pissed off and angry, but I still have this underlying reaction that makes me smile when I speak to others. So I just give totally mixed up, weird signals out and it pisses me off.

Any one else in the same boat?
What a pisser. Just needed to get that shite off my chest.

 

[Dalton_C]

My mom is ESFJ/ISFJ and I always find myself being able to loosen like they do. Most of the time, I'm uptight as hell. However, I can goof off every now and then and enjoy being foolish.

 

[FearsomeCritter]

ffs. Being able to put people at ease is an extremely powerful tool that many ISTPs will never have. Be mindful of it but don't ever forsake it. Shallow as it may be for real relationships, knowing how to smile and nod can really help with things like employment, and can keep people you have no interest in knowing at a distance. People who think everything is fine do not ask questions.

 

[sofort99]

Sounds like your mom taught you powerful real world tools. Don't waste them.

 

[JamieBond]

I would love to have the ability to make people feel at ease, instead of making them wonder if I'm a stalker/under cover cop. You lucky dog, you.

 

[MexicasianNinja]

I smile a lot too, but my parents didn't do that to me. I just learned that its better to just appear friendly to everybody, you get more things in life. However if someone is trying to shit on you, fuck them up.

I was friendly to a pickpocket until he tried to make a move, then I broke his nose with my foot.