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Discussion Starter #1
I've noticed that there are a lot of ENFPs dating ISTPs here in the forum, and since I'm also sort of dating one I'm curious about your views on the compatibility of these two types. I would post this in the relationship section, but I'm not sure how many ISTPs hang around there, and I want to hear your thoughts on it as well.

What is your ENFP/ISTP relationship like?
What are the biggest obstacles which you have faced?
What attracts you to an ISTP/ENFP (as opposed to any other type) ?
Any regrets about choosing this type of partner?


You guys who aren't dating an ISTP/ENFP are of course also welcome to share your thoughts.
 

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Socionics says that we're duals.


In theory I can sorta see how it works, looking at it from an abstract view. But a theory means very little to me without personal experience to validate it.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Socionics says that we're duals.


In theory I can sorta see how it works, looking at it from an abstract view. But a theory means very little to me without personal experience to validate it.
Not familiar with Socionics... could you elaborate?
 

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Not familiar with Socionics... could you elaborate?
Socionics: Dual Relations, Duality, and Dualization

Perhaps you can see some of that in your current relationship.


It's a fascinating concept of personality theory. Socionics completely rationalizes matching between types, whereas the suggestions I've seen MBTI articles make have little base.

Duality describes the kind of relationship I've idealized before I even knew anything about this stuff.
 

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I can only speak from a friendship point of view, never met a female ENFP in person that I know of. So, I don't know how much you'll get from this. My wife is an INFP though if that tells you anything, there are many similarities but also a lot of differences of course.

Anyway, the ENFP has been my absolute best friend for about 10 years now. We became friends almost instantly when we met and we became like brothers within a year or two after that. Before he got married and moved to an apartment I had a key to his family's house and even kept a computer there on his network. We've had some big fights over the years but half the time we were actually in agreement, just not speaking the same language(watch out for that). He and his wife are currently trying to teach their first son to call me uncle. So, I'd say we get along pretty good and I expect we'll always be like brothers.

Biggest problem I had with him was that his driving really scared me sometimes but marriage/fatherhood improved that a ton. Is there something about NFs and driving? LOL Because, of the 4 I know only one doesn't worry me when I'm ridding with her(and I have my doubts about her type).
No need to answer that, I'm just teasing.
 

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As far as duality is concerned, I've visited some ENFP threads, and have seen that some of them listen to the same exact music I do... NO ONE LISTENS TO MY MUSIC. Its crazy, for 5 minutes I had a man crush on Moby because we both like ulrich schnauss. Then I think one of the other ENFP's listens to just about every single techno group I listen to. This alone sorta makes me feel we have a lot in common. Plus I get along well with the one ENFP guy I know... as for ENFP women, I don't really know much about them at all. But just observing room mates over here at my college, the BEST room mate pairs are Duality, Identical, and pairs that only differ in I/E. I don't believe the socionics relationship chart entirely, because I think I read somewhere that ISTP's get along with a vast majority of the personalities to some extent. So I wouldn't go as far as saying I have an UNSTABLE relationship with ESTP's, because that's just not true.
 

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Some ENFPs girls seem to like me... but they seem to like everyone... so I don't really put much store on that.

I'm good friends with an ExFP guy and back when we lived closer we were always doing stupid shit together.
 
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My husband is an ISTP and we usually get along quite well. I can't expect him to take much inititive socially. (He's very content to be alone with me or just alone period at times) but if I tell him we're going out with friends he rarely if ever, disagrees and we end up having a good time.

The S vs. N thing is interesting to me. He and I can look at things very differently. We agree on most major issues but get there in a completely different way. I think his point of view is intriguing. I may not change my mind about things, but I certain like seeing a whole new way to perceive things. I also don't think he's a strong S, so that helps. I"m not the strongest N either I don't believe.

As for F vs T...I'm definitely an F and he's definitely a T and sometimes that results in hurt feelings but we both agree we don't want someone just like us. I've dated other feelers and I found them a bit...smothering. And even though he doesn't always know what to make of my emotional temperment, he is very supportive and says all the time he wouldn't want to be with someone like him. I wonder if this is common? Do other feelers often prefer thinkers and vice versa the way that we seem to?

We're both P's....but we seem to balance each other's weaknesses and have compensated where the other falls short. I help us get places on time, he helps make sure the bills are paid on time. He comes up with plans, I make sure we stick to them. Somehow it works, even though it is still a work in progress. :wink:
 

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Discussion Starter #9
My husband is an ISTP and we usually get along quite well. I can't expect him to take much inititive socially. (He's very content to be alone with me or just alone period at times) but if I tell him we're going out with friends he rarely if ever, disagrees and we end up having a good time.

The S vs. N thing is interesting to me. He and I can look at things very differently. We agree on most major issues but get there in a completely different way. I think his point of view is intriguing. I may not change my mind about things, but I certain like seeing a whole new way to perceive things. I also don't think he's a strong S, so that helps. I"m not the strongest N either I don't believe.

As for F vs T...I'm definitely an F and he's definitely a T and sometimes that results in hurt feelings but we both agree we don't want someone just like us. I've dated other feelers and I found them a bit...smothering. And even though he doesn't always know what to make of my emotional temperment, he is very supportive and says all the time he wouldn't want to be with someone like him. I wonder if this is common? Do other feelers often prefer thinkers and vice versa the way that we seem to?

We're both P's....but we seem to balance each other's weaknesses and have compensated where the other falls short. I help us get places on time, he helps make sure the bills are paid on time. He comes up with plans, I make sure we stick to them. Somehow it works, even though it is still a work in progress. :wink:
I feel the exact same way about thinkers. I'm really attracted to men who can protect me, and make me feel safe, and a lot of feeler guys tend to be... kind of wimpy (no offense feeler guys). It also intrigues me that we think very differently. I cannot stand to be in boring relationships where my partner doesn't challenge me intellectually.

Any advice about dating an ISTP? :happy:
 

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I am curious to know how say, dinner date conversations between ENFPs and ISTPs typically go (particularly for a couple that's been together for quite a while, maybe even cohabiting)? Thanks! :happy:
 

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I would hope the ISTP asks the questions, then listens to the very very long enfp answer? I need a girl who talks. I'm very patient.
agree. i would imagine that half the time questions arent even needed. I find that I can hold a conversation with any E, so an ENFP could only be easier right?
 
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Discussion Starter #13
I would hope the ISTP asks the questions, then listens to the very very long enfp answer? I need a girl who talks. I'm very patient.
agree. i would imagine that half the time questions arent even needed. I find that I can hold a conversation with any E, so an ENFP could only be easier right?

We've only really dated for about 6 weeks, but I find that I'm almost always the one talking when I'm with my ISTP guy... I tell him all the time to let me know when to shut up. :proud:
I find I have to hyper focus on him, use my intuition, and really ask the right questions if I want to have a serious conversation, otherwise he tends to keep me at arms length with his playful teasing. He's harder to get to know than anyone I've ever met before, which is part of what intrigues me about him. He's like a puzzle, and I can't stop myself from looking for the next piece. :mellow:
 

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I would hope the ISTP asks the questions, then listens to the very very long enfp answer? I need a girl who talks. I'm very patient.
That sounds like me and my husband on initial dates. At first I was concerned because I would do all the talking and he would listen and I'd ask him if I was boring him and he was like "no I enjoy listening to you talk. I don't have much to say. So talk away." I was like....okay! *continues rambling* while he listens with amusement and to my amazement he actually remembered the little random things I told him.
 

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We've only really dated for about 6 weeks, but I find that I'm almost always the one talking when I'm with my ISTP guy... I tell him all the time to let me know when to shut up. :proud:
I find I have to hyper focus on him, use my intuition, and really ask the right questions if I want to have a serious conversation, otherwise he tends to keep me at arms length with his playful teasing. He's harder to get to know than anyone I've ever met before, which is part of what intrigues me about him. He's like a puzzle, and I can't stop myself from looking for the next piece. :mellow:
Yes! Playful teasing, but not a lot of indeapth conversations...at least not without a bit of effort. Sometimes I'd even make observations about him that he didn't know about himself though. And this took him by surprise. He's say things like "yeah I guess I DO do that." Or "Hmm you could be right about that."
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Yes! Playful teasing, but not a lot of indeapth conversations...at least not without a bit of effort. Sometimes I'd even make observations about him that he didn't know about himself though. And this took him by surprise. He's say things like "yeah I guess I DO do that." Or "Hmm you could be right about that."
Does it bother you that he doesn't ever seem to want to have those deeper conversations? Because I miss it sometimes, the way it can be sooo easy to delve into any conversation with, for example, an ENFJ.
 

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Does it bother you that he doesn't ever seem to want to have those deeper conversations? Because I miss it sometimes, the way it can be sooo easy to delve into any conversation with, for example, an ENFJ.
Sometimes, a little, but and his strengths suit me well enough that I can overlook his weaknesses, and he IS getting better at opening up

On the other hand I dated an ENFJ and he liked deep conversations to the point that it was almost exhausting to me. Everything was analyzed and had a deeper meaning and blah blah blah. :laughing:I think he was a stronger NF than I am. :unsure:
 

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I would hope the ISTP asks the questions, then listens to the very very long enfp answer? I need a girl who talks. I'm very patient.
Me too. I don't have a lot to say most of the time. I mostly just say what I need to say. I'm very content just listening to someone and providing feedback.

And if no one has anything to say, that's fine as well. Silence is not awkward for me at all.
 

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Some ENFPs girls seem to like me... but they seem to like everyone... so I don't really put much store on that.

I'm good friends with an ExFP guy and back when we lived closer we were always doing stupid shit together.

i think us enfp's can be a bit confusing to alot of people. i see the whole world as one big family and i care about the difficulties people go through so people open up to me easily. i might like someone and think they are cool but if i love someone else that is as far as it will go. i don't like it when guys put their arms around me even in a friendly way. it creeps me out. i only want my boyfriend to touch me. does that make any sense?
 

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Discussion Starter #20
i think us enfp's can be a bit confusing to alot of people. i see the whole world as one big family and i care about the difficulties people go through so people open up to me easily. i might like someone and think they are cool but if i love someone else that is as far as it will go. i don't like it when guys put their arms around me even in a friendly way. it creeps me out. i only want my boyfriend to touch me. does that make any sense?
I like to think of everyone around me as being connected somehow, belonging together, and that our common goal should be everyone's collective happiness... and I'm not a hippie I promise!
ENFPs are very friendly, and I've heard that I sometimes come off as flirtatious, or even slutty. But I don't mess around at all, I'm just being friendly. Not just to guys, but everyone.
When I'm in a relationship, or even just have strong romantic feelings for a guy, I don't see anyone else really. Don't notice cute guys as much, as I'm constantly fantasizing about my guy. And like you said, any kind of sexual tension or touching from other guys, besides hugging, makes me very uncomfortable. I have high moral standards when it comes to relationships and trust.
 
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