Personality Cafe banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm an Introvert, he's an Extrovert.

I've always resisted socializing with his friends. Tried it, not that awesome. Don't need to do it again.

But it's important to him that I get along with them. He tries to persuade me to not be "shy" and there is no reason to be aloof.

I agree except I just don't see the point in spending a lot of time socializing with people who are circumstantially in my life. I need an extraordinary amount of motivation to spend a lot of time around someone.

Sometimes I just want to tell him to suck it up and deal with it. There isn't anything wrong with me. He doesn't need to fix me. I am happy enough with his company.

I realize I am being stubborn so I weigh the pro's and con's. I figure I could probably suck it up half the time myself and just do it. And since I can, I probably should for the good of the relationship. But I know myself well enough that I had better be in a goddamn great mood beforehand, which is a lot of work to maintain. I can't guarantee I won't "check out" of the conversations when it inevitably runs out. I dislike promising something I can't guarantee.

I would prefer my SO just accept it for what it is.

Am I being unreasonable?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
950 Posts
You need to meet his friends at least once, otherwise it just looks as if you don't care about a significant aspect of his life (I'm assuming as an extravert they are significant). Try and get it over with in as few goes as possible (although this means larger gatherings), and then just explain to him that while they're great people, you just don't really click with them. This (hopefully) will keep him happy and reduce the number of events you have to go to in future.
On the brightside the fact he wants you to meet his friends is definately a good thing, even if it is rather irritating.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sascha

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Yes you are probably right. It might be uncomfortable for me but he's coming from a good place. I will make an effort to be there with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,225 Posts
I'm biorderline drunk but here goes.

Don't compromise your being.

Fe is a nightmare. Of course everyday common courtesy applies if need be.

The end.

EDIT: Screw the borderline drunk, I'm past it. Still applies, though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,507 Posts
I wouldn't go to every event, but it is a good idea to join every now and then and show some interest. Still, you do need to take care of yourself first. Forcing yourself to do things you dislike, for no good reason, will just create resentment and irritation.. at last it would affect me that way. There is no reason why he can't go alone, is there? It might take some explaining, but he does need to understand your side as well.

Pretending to be something you are not doesn't work so well in the long run.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sascha and Benja

·
Registered
Joined
·
147 Posts
To be honest, I think you are being a bit unreasonable in never seeing them. For him, you meeting his friends is important and part of what he wants out of the relationship.

If he got annoyed everytime you went off on your own to do your little ISTP 'adventures', then you would get pretty annoyed right? He may well feel a similar feeling everytime you rebuff his friends. Give and take,.. give and take.

edit: Obviously don't sacrifice your own behaviours just to please him. Stay true to yourself, but just step a bit out of your comfort zone. You never know, it might help you grow as a person.
 

·
fire breathing dragon
Joined
·
2,810 Posts
I personally don't think you are being unreasonable. I don't get what it is with people and trying to force their SOs to befriend their friends. I don't see why it matters. Like you said, its all circumstantial that you're even connected to each other.


I think that you need to honestly access what it is that you want. If you don't mind it, but get annoyed then tell him you'll be down to go X times out of 10. If you're not comfortable with going, then don't go. I surely wouldn't but also be ready to accept the ramifications of that decision. If you feel that bad about it, and he keeps forcing you anyway, the relationship doesn't seem like its fulfilling your needs. In that case, whats the point?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Thanks to everyone who took time to write me a response. I'm grateful that I've gotten input from both sides of the equation. I think spending some time outside my comfort zone will be a good thing. And it'll be for a good reason like showing my SO I care to make the effort. As long as it's genuinely appreciated and needed. And not required every time.

But I've also gotten a lot of good advice from you all to keep true to myself, after all he has to love me for me at the end of the day. Not only for what I push myself to do for him. I should make sure to note the things he does for my sake as well, so I don't come to resent him. Or worse, inadvertently take advantage of him.

This was my first post and I appreciate the solid advice I've received so far. I think I'll stick around.

I get the feeling I'll be able to smooth out my more rough edges over time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
547 Posts
I'm biorderline drunk but here goes.

Don't compromise your being.

Fe is a nightmare. Of course everyday common courtesy applies if need be.
Okay I'm already drunk but here goes:

+1


imagine many years in the future, being forced to socialize with people you can't connect with. It sucks

then again, if your SO is rich and is total fun to be around, do whatever he wants /end advice
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
That would indeed suck terribly.

Well if he ends up making a ton of money, I can always start charging him exorbitant prices for my social appearances :)

That would possibly make me an escort...damnit.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top