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Discussion Starter #1
There's this guy that I work with. I don't really know how he feels about me. I'm really bad at knowing if a guy is interested in me or not so any insight would be appreciated.

First let me say I don't actually know if he's ISTP. I'm just guessing. He could be ESTP maaaybe but he acts ISTP I think.

We're coworkers. He's worked at this place for a few years now. I've only worked there for a couple months.

He's a very friendly person and spends his shifts socializing with just about everybody, guys and girls. But there's these two guys in particular that he's best friends with and the three of them hang out in a pack lol. They keep to themselves and never talk to me and to be honest for the first month I worked there I thought all three of them hated me because they never talked to me (I hate being socially outcasted...)

There's lots of different jobs to do at our workplace and we get different assignments each day. Most of the time we're working together with lots of other coworkers but on occasion it's us working by ourselves or with one other person. Well a couple weeks ago ISTP guy and me worked together by ourselves the entire day, it was the first time we ever talked and I had the realization "okay maybe he doesn't hate me after all..."

This past Saturday it was me and ISTP guy working together by ourselves again. We had an 8 hour shift together. As soon as he entered the room he initiated the conversation with something random, and from there we talked non-stop the entire day. A lot of it was flirtatious banter and teasing between the two of us. I really quite enjoy flirting and teasing. Here's a few examples of our conversations:

(He went to a party the other night so I was asking him about it)
Me: So, how are you feeling? Still recovering from the other night?
ISTP: No, I feel fine. I don't get hangovers. I spent yesterday skateboarding with a bunch of friends.
Me: Wow, friends? Do you, like, pay people to hang out with you?​


ISTP: I still can't believe you like Tupac better than Biggie (he's referencing a comment he overheard me make weeks ago)
Me: (laughing)
ISTP: Do you listen to (he names some random band)?
Me: No...
ISTP: (sigh) Of course you don't.
Me: (laughing)
ISTP: You know what? I bet you like Panic! At the Disco.
Me: (laughing) I do not!​


(He left to go do something in another department, and was gone for a lot longer than I expected him to be, leaving me by myself. Finally he came back)
ISTP: Hey, I'm sorry that took so long, I left and then they asked me to go do something else...
Me: It's okay, I didn't miss you.
ISTP: Wow. Okay. I'll remember that later.​


A few other things to note:

  • He definitely tries to impress me. He made a comment about how much weight he has lost, he used to be over 200 lbs and now he weighs much less. He talked about how "lazy" he used to be (his word) but he said now he skateboards and its kept him in shape. He told me about a marathon he ran.
  • He loves to tell jokes and make me laugh. I laugh at pretty much everything he says.
  • He is in school for graphic design and him and his friends own a t-shirt business, which he enjoys talking about how successful it is. I asked for the website and I told him I was going to buy a t-shirt from him :)
  • He remembers things about me, things that I said weeks ago, and brings them up in later conversations. Or if I say something to him, he'll ask for further details. "When are you leaving on your vacation?" "Where did you say your mom's family is from?" "What did you go to college for?"
  • He gets really weird and fidgety and sometimes even stutters when I'm around. He definitely does not hold eye contact while talking. If he does look at me it's only for a few seconds.
  • If he leaves me for too long he apologizes for being away (see above)
  • One thing he's done... which I find absolutely adorable....
    He is definitely a bad boy but he tried to convince me he is a good person.
    (I know I give off a "good girl" vibe so I think he was trying to persuade me into his personality)
    We were talking and he's like "Yeah, I'm not as bad as I seem. Inside I'm a sweet guy."
    I smiled and was like "Oh, is that your secret? You like to give off the edgy bad boy vibe but inside you're a big teddy bear?"
    ISTP: "Nah, I don't use the word edgy." I laughed.
He is definitely giving me mixed vibes though. One on one, we can talk for the longest time. But when we have work assignments where we are working with other coworkers, he completely ignores me. He has been working there a long time, is very friendly and loves chatting up other people. So usually what he does is he will stand in a circle with 3-5 other people at work and socialize. They will talk about anything. For example last week there was a big house party that about 20 of our coworkers went to, ISTP guy was one of them of course. I wasn't invited. I'm still new at work and I get along with everybody, but I feel awkward sliding into their conversations they are having a few feet away from me. So he'll be having these conversations with our coworkers for an hour, a few hours, a few feet away. Ignoring me. Not looking at me. This has been going on since I started working. And I'm just like, what the heck?

Tonight I was working morning shift and he worked night shift. I came back during the night and saw him, said "Hi (ISTP)" and he said "Sup" (quickly glancing at me then looked away). Granted, he was busy working but still. All I get is "Sup?" Ugh.

So during all those days when he was talking to our other coworkers and ignoring me, I was convinced he hated me. Then something weird kinda happened. It would be the end of my shift and as I was clocking out, he'd yell over at me "See ya, Liz!" I'd whip around and either wave or say bye. But I was so confused. Why ignore me all day and say bye at the very end of the day?

I'm notoriously really bad at judging if somebody likes me.
Does he hate me?
Is he merely tolerating me because we are coworkers?
What is going on in that brain?
Please help!
 

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Much of this hot/cold behaviour can be attributed to a combination of inferior Fe, anima complex, and social signaling. One-on-one, he's revealing the intimate sides of himself and then fishing for signs of interest according to your response (laughter, reciprocity / mimicry, etc). In a group, he either doesn't want to reveal his interest in you to others for fear of misunderstanding (waiting for stronger signal on your end), or he's trying to appear socially desirable with you as the observer of his interactions (evoke envy in you). Him ignoring you later on suggests that he's scared of his own growing feelings (probably fantasy elements and projections) and then trying to distance himself as to regain some control over the anima complex.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Much of this hot/cold behaviour can be attributed to a combination of inferior Fe, anima complex, and social signaling. One-on-one, he's revealing the intimate sides of himself and then fishing for signs of interest according to your response (laughter, reciprocity / mimicry, etc). In a group, he either doesn't want to reveal his interest in you to others for fear of misunderstanding (waiting for stronger signal on your end), or he's trying to appear socially desirable with you as the observer of his interactions (evoke envy in you). Him ignoring you later on suggests that he's scared of his own growing feelings (probably fantasy elements and projections) and then trying to distance himself as to regain some control over the anima complex.
@nonnaci can you explain the anima theory in more detail, or provide links, I haven't heard about it before. Thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Him and I worked together today.

He keeps doing this annoying thing where he REFUSES to look me in the eye. BUT, I constantly catch him looking over at me, and as soon as I look back at him, he quickly turns his head away. LOL. I've caught him doing this at least a dozen times. But he won't look at me while he is speaking?!

I just need to add... he definitely has the male equivalent of Resting Bitch Face lol. He is constantly walking around looking like he's in a pissy mood. He's so hard to read! I can't tell if he is actually angry at me or what!

Okay so today me and another coworker (let's call her M) were cleaning a part of our facility together. Her and I have recently become quite close. Also, she is very good friends with ISTP guy. We were chatting enthusiastically, when suddenly ISTP guy comes rushing in.

ISTP: "Hey Liz, (our manager) needs you to head back to (different area of our facility.)"
Me: (being flirty) "(ISTP), M and I were in the middle of a really good conversation and you just interrupted us!"
ISTP: "I didn't do it. (Our manager) told me to come get you. She'll get upset with you if you don't go. Hand me your cleaning supplies."
Me: "Make me." I tease him, as I hand them to him. He takes the cleaning supplies from me. I'm looking into his eyes but he's not looking into mine.
ISTP: "Come on, she'll get upset with me."
Me: (I call up to M) "M, we'll finish this conversation later that (ISTP) has so rudely interrupted!" (I wave goodbye and she waves back)

But for the rest of the day he didn't say anything to me. Just glanced at me from afar and turned away when I looked back at him... as if I wouldn't notice!
Ugh, I hate when he doesn't talk to me. I never know where I stand with this guy.
 

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@nonnaci can you explain the anima theory in more detail, or provide links, I haven't heard about it before. Thanks!
The short of it is that he's experiencing idealizations of you that have no objective basis. The projections are semi-autonomous, occurs when he's around you, and it wrests away conscious control of his other mental faculties when this happens. He doesn't look you in the eye as it may overwhelm him and cause the anima complex to further react and risk acting on the projections that may be of his control.

As for the basis of anima complex, read Jung.
 

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i am kidding because all the walls of texts and the answer is simple.

please ask the istp why.

it will help you, I promise.
we cannot tell you.
 

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As guy with experience having the hots for a nearby gal:
- ya, he's totally flirting. Maybe unknowingly flirting... he have the hots for you.
Congratulations?
 

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Fuuuuuu tempted to say something... god damn it is hard to resist typing out this thought...

...


....


...


Trying to put myself in the situation/the other "xstp" shoes is just making making me want to facedesk and move on...

really trying to resist the bait dangling in my face so before I decide to b.... ahh fuck it.

He might want to bone you, he might not. If he tends to "hang around"? maybe so. Is it anything deeper than that? Dunno, my brain has kinda divided by zero and desperately requires some down time.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Lol he definitely does not like me....

We worked together yesterday by ourselves again.

He told me "You piss me off."

Also he told me about a date he has next week with a girl from Tinder.
 

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Reminds me of the situation when I flirted with a specific girl like half year ago, she liked to talk w/ me etc. but once she started bragging how good it was to go to the cinema with some friend of her someday. Pointless? Nah, it's the fucking manipulation tactic of "checking if he's jealous". She was alright before, maybe she was on her period but I don't care about that. She pissed me off and I stopped contacting her because I fucking hate fucking manipulation!!!
 

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Lol he definitely does not like me....

We worked together yesterday by ourselves again.

He told me "You piss me off."

Also he told me about a date he has next week with a girl from Tinder.

I tell people they piss me off all te time. Because they do at that moment, doesn't mean I don't like them. It means they piss me off, because of dumbness, ignorance, useless discussion or something like that.
 

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I tell people they piss me off all te time. Because they do at that moment, doesn't mean I don't like them. It means they piss me off, because of dumbness, ignorance, useless discussion or something like that.
everyone pisses me off. Do I let them know? Fuck yeah I do, mostly out of the desire to cause stress to propagate. I have to play my part in trying to use stress to slowly depopulate the planet. Aneurysm is the name of the game, or well... this...

 

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everyone pisses me off. Do I let them know? Fuck yeah I do, mostly out of the desire to cause stress to propagate. I have to play my part in trying to use stress to slowly depopulate the planet. Aneurysm is the name of the game, or well... this...

Tell me: what is your secret exponational algorythm? I want to do that too, but I want to talk to just one and leave a million sterile.

I know, my laziness trumps my... well pretty much everything.
 

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Tell me: what is your secret exponational algorythm? I want to do that too, but I want to talk to just one and leave a million sterile.

I know, my laziness trumps my... well pretty much everything.
Chaos, Pure Chaos. More skulls for the skull throne. More blood for the blood god, everyone dies, everyone wins.
 
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