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I'm interested if is here anyone with the ISTP-ISFP relationship experience. Yesterday I was just randomly typing people and I had a shocking realization that all of the girls in my history that I really liked were ISFPs and with each one of them the connection was superweird (in a bad way). It's like we always come to a complete communication shut-down, especially when talking in person.
To the first one I told I like her when we were both adequately wasted (because I didn't have the balls otherwise) and the next day she told me she's interested and that was the moment when our "relationship" stopped, because none of us could talk about feelings in each-others company. We're still friends but we never talked about it.
The second one was my girlfriend. We had excellent sexual chemisty but again, we couldn't speak when together. When other people were around, it was perfect, but when we were alone, there was complete silence. She tried to say interesting things and I was bored, I tried to be ISTP-charming and she didn't go for it.
The third one is the girl I like now. Again, I try to sound fun in her proximity but somehow I always turn out like complete moron (with a humor that would work on most of others).

So, what is with all this? Is it a problem with me? My dad is a ISFP and we get along superbly (but I of course don't hit on him, I don't tell him jokes, we don't talk about feelings and he has to like me by default). How do you communicate with an ISFP?
 

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This is interesting, because I have the same experience with my ISTP friends. I think this may be why I have never dated one. They are some of my best friends, who I have the most fun with, but there is very little verbal conversation. We are always doing something together - some activity- so we don't have to keep up an actual conversation. The conversations that we do have are light-hearted, and we avoid talking about feelings or our personal relationships.

I've come to accept that we just don't have much to say to each other, and that's ok, at least for friendships. We still have a great time together and support each other. I can see how a realtionship might suffer with this lack of conversation, though.

Maybe Gorjus can chime in on this one. . . I think she used to date an ISTP?
 

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Oh, and to answer your quesiton about how to communicate with an ISFP. . .

Everything that you mention - natural charm, humor - that works very well on me. Just don't try too hard. Have confidence knowing that you are naturally a great person, and that draws me in.

And any guy who goes out of his way to talk to me and ask me how my day is going, and is genuinely interested in my answer, really makes an impression on me.
 

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I'm interested if is here anyone with the ISTP-ISFP relationship experience. Yesterday I was just randomly typing people and I had a shocking realization that all of the girls in my history that I really liked were ISFPs and with each one of them the connection was superweird (in a bad way). It's like we always come to a complete communication shut-down, especially when talking in person.
To the first one I told I like her when we were both adequately wasted (because I didn't have the balls otherwise) and the next day she told me she's interested and that was the moment when our "relationship" stopped, because none of us could talk about feelings in each-others company. We're still friends but we never talked about it.
The second one was my girlfriend. We had excellent sexual chemisty but again, we couldn't speak when together. When other people were around, it was perfect, but when we were alone, there was complete silence. She tried to say interesting things and I was bored, I tried to be ISTP-charming and she didn't go for it.
The third one is the girl I like now. Again, I try to sound fun in her proximity but somehow I always turn out like complete moron (with a humor that would work on most of others).

So, what is with all this? Is it a problem with me? My dad is a ISFP and we get along superbly (but I of course don't hit on him, I don't tell him jokes, we don't talk about feelings and he has to like me by default). How do you communicate with an ISFP?
that's totally 100% like me and my boyfriend relationship. he's an ISTP and i'm ISFP. we've been dating for about 5years(exluding 2 years broke up after dated about 3 years). we know and understand each other really well. accepted each other weakness. when we are with our friends, it goes well and we looks like a perfect couple.

but when it comes into communication, just both of us, it's useless. like u said:
I tried to say interesting things and HE was bored, HE tried to be ISTP-charming and I didn't go for it.
Again, HE try to sound fun in MY proximity but somehow HE always turn out like complete moron (with a humor that would work on most of others).
and vice versa. when we are in 'just bestfriend' relationship (2 years broke up) we can communicate superbly-well.

then i realized, he's a sensitive person. JUST with his family and beloved. he cant bears if i say 'i hate u', 'leave me', 'u're a jerk' etc, even if it is just for a joke. he will take it seriously. to prevent it, i barely said anything that can harm him and always be careful if i want to say something. or i'll stay super-quietly and keep silence. :sad:
 

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I have an ISFP sister and we don't really have any deep conversations about personal things. We can talk for a long time about something impersonal that we are both interested in like say a movie or a decision we need to make probably since we are spending a lot of time with Ni putting out all the posibilities. Maybe we use Se to just react to whatever is going on which is usually nothing.

I feel like I need to use my Fe to relate to her. Maybe when I speak with lots of Ti it's putting pressure on her to use Te. And as we are both introverted, using those functions is just not natural at the moment.

edited to add:
Both ISTP and ISFPs have 'responding' instead of 'initiating' interaction styles. It's kind of hard to respond when noone is initiating. I feel like I sometimes annoy my sister with my thoughts so I try to keep my thoughts back about things and I'm naturally keeping back my feelings about things since I'm not really in touch with them. I think it's easier to talk with her if we keep judgements out of the picture.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Both ISTP and ISFPs have 'responding' instead of 'initiating' interaction styles. It's kind of hard to respond when noone is initiating.
Uuuu, that explains so much!! Thanks! When you're in a relationship, you're somehow expected to communicate so the weirdest part of our time together was this literal struggle to initiate a discussion. And I had in my head the idea how all the happy couples just talk looooong hours about everything, while we were sms-texting because we didn't have enough to say to formulate a telephone chat while we were apart :D
 

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Yeah my ISFP friend came up to me and started talking to me about how she went shopping. I was horrified with how bored I suddenly felt when talking to her. Otherwise we are really good friends and make each other laugh a lot.
 

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My best friend, who I am closer with than anyone in the world, is an ISTP. There isn't a load of communication between us, and I think that might be one reason we get along so well. we both just say the important things, and have a lot of nonverbal communication (like nodding to each other, or raising eyebrows when we think someone is an idiot.). Every now and then, we discuss very deep things, but for the most part keep it light, which is nice. we know how inseperable we are, but know how to have fun. It doesn't hurt either that we have nearly identical views on the world (confirmed by our deep convos) and that I get a hardon for Ti. but, then again I'm not hitting on him, so there's a missing aspect from your interactions.
 

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My ISFP sister and I get along very well. We mainly bond over doing something or by going on adventures. I find when I'm just in my room talking with her I'm more quiet and want the "me time" (she comes right in to start chatting...), but if we go on a walk I'll open up much more.

We'll talk about damn near anything. Though I'm more open to talk about theories and abstractions then she is. Anyways, try to bond over that Se both you guys share.
 

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Get a job in retail as a sales associate, this will teach you how to master the (pointless art) of small talk. I always think of things in my idle time to say to my girlfriend so i can keep her entertained...if its silence Im in cuddle mode and I ALWAYS LOVED CUDDLE MODE
 
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