Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 48 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Have any of you ISTPs had any experience in a relationship with an ISTJ? I have been in a relationship ISTP for a few months now and so far things have been great, no complaints. However, I was surprised to hear that the two types have opposing cognitive functions because I would expect that to be cause for a lot of problems within the relationship. I know that ISTJs and ISTPs tend to be most compatible with the ENF types, so I never hear anything about the ISTJ-ISTP dynamic. I have tried many searches on the compatibility for this relationship type but have found nothing on the topic. If anyone has had experience in this arena I would be interested to hear your perspective on how the relationship turned out and if there was a lot of conflict or if the communication was successful. Thanks.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,265 Posts
As goes my relationship with every ISTJ I've ever talked to (friends as well as romantic opponents), my experience with ISTJ's is that they think I'm totally relaxed and easy to live with, while I have to avoid discussing topics that the ISTJ would strongly defend. I find ISTJ's to be very loyal to a certain thing, idea, group or whatever, and if I say anything bad about those beliefs they flare up and explode with rage in my face.

So, it can be a fun dynamic, so long as the ISTJ somehow realizes that the ISTP is just trying to give their perspective on an issue and not talking trash about it. And the ISTP needs to understand how much those ideals mean to the ISTJ. I believe any relationship can work so long as both partners somehow come to terms with their differences in a mature manner. But sometimes the ideals can be so conflicting that it might not be worth the effort. I have plenty of ISTJ friends. My ISTP room mate dated an ISTJ for a couple years until he got sick of having to compromise on her beliefs and she started visiting ex boyfriends and stuff and he got mad and told her he didn't appreciate it and then she didn't stop and then bam no more relationship. But that sorta thing happens with everyone I guess, maybe there wasn't enough trust.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Thank you for your response. My ISTP and I have a lot of the same beliefs so disagreement isn't really an issue. I don't think I would blow up with rage in his face, however, if he challenged one of my beliefs. I am sure I would listen to what he had to say because I trust and respect his opinions. I am not sure if the rage is an ISTJ trait or just your experience.

So it looks like ISTJs like you for being laid back, and you like them as long as you don't question their beliefs? Hmm.
 

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
Does having an ISTJ sister count as experience in this department?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I was looking more for romantic, but feel free to offer platonic experience if you like. I would be interested to hear that as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
305 Posts
I've recently started studying Chinese closely alongside an ISTJ, and so far we've been getting on great! Occasionaly it gets annoying when I get told 'why not do it this well established and therefore BETTER way' and I think BACK OUTTA MY SPACE. But then, that sounds a lot like me sometimes...

All in all I find (in a friendship) that they're confident, interesting, logical, commited to a cause, loyal, and secretly quite caring. But yeah, I just wouldn't touch on one of those 'causes' they hold to so dogmatically.

Would it also be fair to say that they could use some help in the 'having fun' department of life, sometimes? :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
I am strongly convinced that my husband is an ISTJ and I am a ISTP.

To me we are opposites and that's makes us work I think. I know that's a cheesy way to put it, but it really is the truth. He's very "buttoned up". Has to be on time, everything has to neat as a pin, he plans into the future and most always sticks to it. He's very good with money, although he can be a bit tight at times. On the other hand, he can let his hair down and can be very funny.We have the same sense of humor.

Everything he is, I am the exact opposite. The good thing is that he speeds me up, I slow him down. We used to fuss and fight in the beginning of our relationship. We both defended our point of view so much that we would make each other miserable. Finally we've just agreed to disagree on some topics and we really don't get into it if it can be avoided.

He's the good cop, I'm the bad cop...but his wrath is definitely a heck of a lot worse than mine. He has a very sharp tongue but it takes a while for him to really lay into someone. This is usually the reason why I handle the sticky situations because I have no qualms at all with telling it like it is. He doesn't want anyone to think ill of him, and could I care less really. In social situations, he is much better at small talk than I am. I can't stand it, and I would rather watch paint dry than to chit chat. He does plenty for both of us.

Oh! Oh man, we he is engrossed in something...look out. He doesn't wanna hear nothing, I mean nothing else besides what he believes is right. I stopped trying to change his mind long ago. It can be anything from bread to politics. Everything is the best simply because he likes it. It gets annoying but I'm used to it.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I am strongly convinced that my husband is an ISTJ and I am a ISTP.

To me we are opposites and that's makes us work I think. I know that's a cheesy way to put it, but it really is the truth. He's very "buttoned up". Has to be on time, everything has to neat as a pin, he plans into the future and most always sticks to it. He's very good with money, although he can be a bit tight at times. On the other hand, he can let his hair down and can be very funny.We have the same sense of humor.

Everything he is, I am the exact opposite. The good thing is that he speeds me up, I slow him down. We used to fuss and fight in the beginning of our relationship. We both defended our point of view so much that we would make each other miserable. Finally we've just agreed to disagree on some topics and we really don't get into it if it can be avoided.

He's the good cop, I'm the bad cop...but his wrath is definitely a heck of a lot worse than mine. He has a very sharp tongue but it takes a while for him to really lay into someone. This is usually the reason why I handle the sticky situations because I have no qualms at all with telling it like it is. He doesn't want anyone to think ill of him, and could I care less really. In social situations, he is much better at small talk than I am. I can't stand it, and I would rather watch paint dry than to chit chat. He does plenty for both of us.

Oh! Oh man, we he is engrossed in something...look out. He doesn't wanna hear nothing, I mean nothing else besides what he believes is right. I stopped trying to change his mind long ago. It can be anything from bread to politics. Everything is the best simply because he likes it. It gets annoying but I'm used to it.

Thank you ClarifiedMind, this sounds a lot like the relationship I have with my ISTP. We are very much opposites as well. He definitely helps me to relax more and have more fun (which I need) while I help him make decisions and get things going.

I will admit that I get stressed out over stupid little things all the time and he is very good at calming me down, although I think he thinks it is funny that I get so worked up over the things that I do. I also worry about coming across as the bad guy to other people and he'll usually say something along the lines of 'bull shit' and tell is like it is, as you do (which I am secretly very thankful for because I hate having to do things like that). I usually take care of the social interactions while he takes a back seat and I don't mind it at all.

I don't see myself as dogmatic as a lot of you have described ISTJs, but maybe I will have to reevaluate myself. I would hate to be seen as stubborn and stuck in my beliefs. This looks to be the main reoccurring issue between the types. If anything I would think he is the stubborn one because of his Ti, but I am still learning functions and that could just be me.
 

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
I wouldn't say "dogmatic". That doesn't seem to be the right word to me. In my experience with my sister, she sets very high standards for herself. And she makes the mistake in believing that everyone should live up to them, when she herself cannot live up to them. We're only human after all. I am constantly telling her to relax and to find time for herself, because she is a workaholic.

There are some other issues with her, but I think that's just a maturity issue. She is older than me by several years, but there's always room for growth, whatever age you are.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Namaste

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
I wouldn't say "dogmatic". That doesn't seem to be the right word to me. In my experience with my sister, she sets very high standards for herself. And she makes the mistake in believing that everyone should live up to them, when she herself cannot live up to them. We're only human after all. I am constantly telling her to relax and to find time for herself, because she is a workaholic.

There are some other issues with her, but I think that's just a maturity issue. She is older than me by several years, but there's always room for growth, whatever age you are.

I as well have noticed that many SJs tend to make high standards for others when they themselves can't live up to them (I believe my dad is some sort of SFJ; he expects me to be impossibly 'perfect' :angry:). I can see it being a characteristic of the SJ groups. I surely have high standards for myself that are probably too high and I think I have learned from experience not to expect people to reach my standards (or, rather, not to set standards for them to reach). I only get let down that way and have learned not to expect certain behavior from others. It makes life a lot easier :proud:.

But, I will try to be mindful and aware of this behavior. I think that SJs do this without realizing it sometimes. I can see how it could create problems within a relationship.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
I am strongly convinced that my husband is an ISTJ and I am a ISTP.

To me we are opposites and that's makes us work I think. I know that's a cheesy way to put it, but it really is the truth. He's very "buttoned up". Has to be on time, everything has to neat as a pin, he plans into the future and most always sticks to it. He's very good with money, although he can be a bit tight at times. On the other hand, he can let his hair down and can be very funny.We have the same sense of humor.

Everything he is, I am the exact opposite. The good thing is that he speeds me up, I slow him down. We used to fuss and fight in the beginning of our relationship. We both defended our point of view so much that we would make each other miserable. Finally we've just agreed to disagree on some topics and we really don't get into it if it can be avoided.

He's the good cop, I'm the bad cop...but his wrath is definitely a heck of a lot worse than mine. He has a very sharp tongue but it takes a while for him to really lay into someone. This is usually the reason why I handle the sticky situations because I have no qualms at all with telling it like it is. He doesn't want anyone to think ill of him, and could I care less really. In social situations, he is much better at small talk than I am. I can't stand it, and I would rather watch paint dry than to chit chat. He does plenty for both of us.

Oh! Oh man, we he is engrossed in something...look out. He doesn't wanna hear nothing, I mean nothing else besides what he believes is right. I stopped trying to change his mind long ago. It can be anything from bread to politics. Everything is the best simply because he likes it. It gets annoying but I'm used to it.
Take a look at the bolded sections. Those traits are much more ESTJ than ISTJ. Just food for thought.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,208 Posts
My ex roomate is ISTJ. It was great living with him because it was just like having me as a roomate, but a very tidy version :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
Niss63 you are absolutely right. I read the traits of an ESTJ and expected see a little picture of him below the description. It also says we are a good match...Stable Mable and I are definitely made for each other :laughing:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
My ex roomate is ISTJ. It was great living with him because it was just like having me as a roomate, but a very tidy version :)
That is one thing that I like about being with an ISTP; we are very much alike in the sense that we are both introverts, sensors, and thinkers. I think the J and P give enough of a balance for the two to compliment each other nicely with regards to the cognitive functions and without having to be opposite types. I know that an ENFP is theoretically the most compatible for an ISTJ, but I have always gotten along best with those similar to myself, rather than opposite. It really must depend on the preferences of the individuals.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
27 Posts
I am currently in a relationship with what I believe is an ISTJ woman. She is very practical and level-headed. She compliments me well. I had always thought the opposing cognitive functions were meant to compliment the other because each can spot the weaknesses in the other and help to foster that growth. It's the best match I've ever had with a partner.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
142 Posts
This is quite interesting. I'm actually in a relationship with an ISTJ right now, for about 3 mths. Although quite short, it seriously feels a lot longer than the actual time spent together. We get along extremely well, have multitudes of things in common and similar interests, and I don't think we ever really argue (except a couple small things). I think she's really caring and she takes mental notes of the things I like and don't like, puts thoughts into gifts, etc. She's also very mature and stands to her beliefs, which I like, and willing to do outdoor things with me.

But some things I noticed are that she isn't very adventurous, in fact, she has a very traditional mindset which I'm not so used to.. since I'm someone that is very spontaneous and likes to try new things, a bit of a risktaker, I suppose...a daredevil, if you will. She's not into stepping out of the box and sticks to what's most familiar.
Another thing is that she's a very tidy person (a bit anal?) and I... well, I guess I'm not so tidy,perhaps. :proud: heh.
She follows all the rules of the system while I follow my own beliefs as long as they seem to make sense.
She's also a hothead sometimes (especially on the road) while I'm the "easygoing" and laidback and patient one...hmm

Still I also haven't heard so much about ISTP/ISTJ relationships and would like to know more about people's dealings and experiences with them. So far it seems to go alright.. but personally I think things would be better if she was more willing to do more adventurous/active things with me at least. For me, that is just one of the main issues. It's nice when people step out from the norm.:tongue:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Namaste

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,208 Posts
@chinesefries, as far as my experiences with ISTJs go, they're not the jealous types so I'm guessing she would let you do the adventure stuff with someone wilder than her. They like to be conforming but they won't take it personally if you're not. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
That is true, I don't tend to take many things personally.... It's not my natural tendency to try new and adventurous activities, however, I do enjoy tagging along with my ISTP when he is feeling spontaneous (most of the time, at least).

@cheesefries- As for my experience with an ISTP so far things have been really good. We both enjoy debating each other (in a both serious and joking manner) and don't take it personally. We find humor in making fun of the other and making fun of ourselves. Since both of us are Introverts and Thinkers we had to dig slow and deep for the emotional connection but that is somewhat of a good thing in my opinion. He slows me down and I speed him up for a happy medium and we can enjoy sitting in a comfortable silence. Thing only thing that has ever bothered my is when he shuts down and won't talk through things if we have an argument or unresolved issue. Thanks to MBTI I have better understanding for why this is.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
27 Posts
If you want an ISTJ to try new and adventurous things you have to make them feel safe with you. Show them your confidence and give them reassurance. They won't show it but ISTJs are some of the biggest scaredy-cats :tongue:.
 

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
1 - 20 of 48 Posts
Top