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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ISTP friend is getting married, but whenever I or his family ask him about it, he says "No, no one is getting married".

His faimily heard that he hired a photographer, so that's when we started asking him about it. I know that it's true because his girlfriend recently told me she has spent weeks planning the big day. When she told me this, she could tell by the look on my face that her boyfriend hadn't told anyone about it.

His girlfriend is great. She has kids from a previous marriage, so I'm wondering if he's worried how his family will react to the kids? But his family is so accepting that I can't imagine this would be an issue.

So I'm curious, why would an ISTP want to keep his engagement a secret?
 

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My ISTP friend is getting married, but whenever I or his family ask him about it, he says "No, no one is getting married".

His faimily heard that he hired a photographer, so that's when we started asking him about it. I know that it's true because his girlfriend recently told me she has spent weeks planning the big day. When she told me this, she could tell by the look on my face that her boyfriend hadn't told anyone about it.

His girlfriend is great. She has kids from a previous marriage, so I'm wondering if he's worried how his family will react to the kids? But his family is so accepting that I can't imagine this would be an issue.

So I'm curious, why would an ISTP want to keep his engagement a secret?

No reason i can think of from the information given.

Ask him.
 

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I can think of two possible reasons but, that's still kind of odd. I didn't hide my wedding but, I didn't go out of the way to tell people about it either. The wife and I just packed up and went to Reno to get 'er done one weekend.
 

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I agree with Thought. Everyone is assuming there is a wedding, when he may be eloping to get married. ISTPs keep important things to themselves, but to deny he is getting married seems odd. So the obvious question is what did you ask him? Did you ask if there is going to be a wedding or if he is getting married?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for all of the responses.

These are all excellent points. I do know from his girlfriend that an actual wedding is happening, as she told me that she has been planning it.

You're right, I'm just going to keep asking until I get a straight answer. I've been asking him if he is getting married, not if there is a wedding, but he still denies it.

The only thing I can think of is he may want to back out of it, and it will cause less of a scene if no one knows about it.

Anyway, I'll ask again. Thanks everyone.
 

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It could be he doesn't like his family, and you're a connection to them. So neither of you get told. I'm seriously thinking my family might just get a invitation for the big day, and they can meet my wife at the reception, and I'll let them know I security on hand if they start making a big deal out of anything.
 

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You're right, I'm just going to keep asking until I get a straight answer. I've been asking him if he is getting married, not if there is a wedding, but he still denies it.
As long as you are prepared for the straight answer to be "because I don't want you there or for you to be involved in any way."


My family just can't help themselves and have to interfere in everything. We didn't tell them about our wedding until we had been married for weeks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
As long as you are prepared for the straight answer to be "because I don't want you there or for you to be involved in any way."


My family just can't help themselves and have to interfere in everything. We didn't tell them about our wedding until we had been married for weeks.
Ok, this was the kind of answer I was looking for! So this is not out of the ordinary for an ISTP. That's good to know.

I really don't expect to attend the wedding, I just felt bad for his girlfriend (an F) when she found out he hadn't told anyone. I hope she can understand his ways.

I can relate to his need for privacy, so I'll just leave well enough alone then. The cat's out of the bag, so it doesn't really matter at this point whether he denies it or not.
 

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It's not out of the ordinary to keep big things to ourselves. However, flat out lying about it when asked is a bit different.

It would be best to not press the issue because if he wanted to tell you he would have by now. That's likely not personal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
It's not out of the ordinary to keep big things to ourselves. However, flat out lying about it when asked is a bit different.

It would be best to not press the issue because if he wanted to tell you he would have by now. That's likely not personal.
I've been thinking about what others have said about the family getting in the way, and I can totally see this with him.

He and his family are immigrants, but my ISTP friend seems to be the most Americanized of them. I'm sure his family would push for a traditional celebration, I can just picture him rolling his eyes at this!

Now that I think about it, I would probably want to keep it quiet too if I was in his situation. And he knows I talk to his brothers, hence I don't get told either.

Thanks for all the insight. . . it makes a lot more sense now.
 
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