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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know how many ppl on this forum are parents since I haven't been here in a while, but I want to see if anyone else parents this way. You know, check and see if this is ok or normal. . ha

I have 3 kids (5, 7, and 9.) ENTP girl, ISTJ boy, and the youngest boy is some sort of SP for sure. {Don't tell me I can't type my kids, I've already done it and I'm sure I'm right}

So this is my strategy and it seems like its working so far. I explained to them that we only have 1 house, there are 4 of us living here, and we all have to keep our crap separate.

Which means the ENTP disaster zone must be contained to her space. All of her art supplies and crap have to stay in the same area or I freak out. The ISTJ has to keep all of his carefully organized stuff in his room. (So far he is the easiest to deal with) - the SP has to keep his bikes and shit out of the way of my car so I can back out in the morning or I freak out.

The garage is mostly MY space and nobody is allowed to touch my tools.

So our main household rules are
#1. Keep your shit in your designated area.
#2. Don't touch anybody else's shit or you'll be sorry

(#3. Don't talk to me when I'm trying to fix something because I can't hear you)

So I'm hoping this strategy will keep me sane until they are ready to leave the house. I do have trouble keeping to the rules sometimes, because I tend to leave tools in the wrong spot. So consistency is always an issue.

On the upside, when they whine to me that they can't find their shit, I always say "that's too bad, I can't find mine either"
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hmm, I thought parenting would be more complicated than simply controlling the location and access of people's stuff.
I know, right?

Once you get beyond 1 or 2 kids, though, controlling the mess and chaos is almost more important than coddling their hopes and dreams and making sure they don't end up in prison.

I do try to address all of that. I find that modeling appropriate behavior and pointing out the stupid things other people do (and the consequences) kinda makes it simpler.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Ok I was thinking some more about this... and I wonder if I haven't hit on an important part of raising kids?

RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY.

Think about it. It has far-reaching implications for behavior in other areas of life. It's not just about not stealing.

For example(s) - Do you ride your bike through the neighbor's flower beds? Because that stupid kid down the street did it? Why or why not?

Do you break someone else's toy? WHy or why not?

Are you entitled to eat someone else's food if they take their eyes off of it? Why or why not?

Are you entitled at all? To anything?

Respecting other people's space and property is a huge part of my parenting focus. This might be because I want the same respect from others and often don't get it...but I think it will keep them out of prison, too.

I have a blind spot when it comes to dealing with their feelings. I try to fix this problem by just telling them I love them a lot. (may or may not be adequate.)
 

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Ok I was thinking some more about this... and I wonder if I haven't hit on an important part of raising kids?

RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY.

Think about it. It has far-reaching implications for behavior in other areas of life. It's not just about not stealing.

For example(s) - Do you ride your bike through the neighbor's flower beds? Because that stupid kid down the street did it? Why or why not?

Do you break someone else's toy? WHy or why not?

Are you entitled to eat someone else's food if they take their eyes off of it? Why or why not?

Are you entitled at all? To anything?

Respecting other people's space and property is a huge part of my parenting focus. This might be because I want the same respect from others and often don't get it...but I think it will keep them out of prison, too.

I have a blind spot when it comes to dealing with their feelings. I try to fix this problem by just telling them I love them a lot. (may or may not be adequate.)
You're hitting the nail on the head when it comes to structuring their future interactions with each other.
By making sure they respect each other's property, thus learning to respect each other, they might actually like each other when they get older.
 

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I have a blind spot when it comes to dealing with their feelings. I try to fix this problem by just telling them I love them a lot. (may or may not be adequate.)
Unless you've got a feeler type, showing them that you love them (doing things with them, teaching them skills, etc.) goes pretty far. My sister (ENFJ) likes to be told people love her a lot. I'm good with hearing it about once a month, but I know people care through their actions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
My sister (ENFJ) likes to be told people love her a lot.
My mom is ENFJ, and I love her but she drives me insane with guilt trips and making things about her feelings, so I try not to do that to my kids. I don't think any of my kids are NFs though, so hopefully we'll still like each other when they are adults.

I do wonder about them liking each other some day. My brother is an ESFP/ENFP (not sure) and I've never gotten along with him because he's never respected anyone's space or belongings. He takes whatever he wants and gets pissed off if you're not down with that.

I sooooo want my kids to like each other someday. That's really important to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I know it would make my mother happy if I'll become a parent, but I find children loud and stressful.
You are 1000% correct. They are.

They are a good investment, however, on the chance I'll need someone to take care of me when I'm old and have Alzheimers or something.

Don't have them if you don't want them. If you do end up having them by surprise, that's good too.
 

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My mom is ENFJ, and I love her but she drives me insane with guilt trips and making things about her feelings, so I try not to do that to my kids. I don't think any of my kids are NFs though, so hopefully we'll still like each other when they are adults.

I do wonder about them liking each other some day. My brother is an ESFP/ENFP (not sure) and I've never gotten along with him because he's never respected anyone's space or belongings. He takes whatever he wants and gets pissed off if you're not down with that.

I sooooo want my kids to like each other someday. That's really important to me.
I honestly believe for most cases that if children respect their siblings then they will like each other when they are older. Respecting someone includes respecting their property and themselves as a person.
 

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It would have been nice to have ISTP parents.

Get freedom to do explore, learn things hands-on, privacy, no hissy fits about the kids "not being loving enough".

Instead, I ended up with an overly-protective, emo ESFJ who let HOBO STRANGERS live in our house because she "felt bad for him".

Ironic how strict you seem to be about tidiness though, given your P. My ESFJ mother didn't care...the house was literally a biohazard from all the animals she hoarded.
 

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Get freedom to do explore, learn things hands-on, privacy, no hissy fits about the kids "not being loving enough".
and a lot of camping, travelling, crafting and silence. yep. don't know if i still thought it was cool if i had two of them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Ironic how strict you seem to be about tidiness though, given your P. My ESFJ mother didn't care...the house was literally a biohazard from all the animals she hoarded.

My house is never as tidy as some of my more organized friends. I think everyone has a "level of cleanliness" that they can deal with.

It might have to do with how you were raised -- I was raised in a clean house with minimal pets. I really can't stand to live in squalor, with roaches or pet messes/smells etc.

but I can't manage to keep the laundry off the floor either. My room looks like a bomb went off -- just like when I was 12.

it's kinda weird.
 

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My house is never as tidy as some of my more organized friends. I think everyone has a "level of cleanliness" that they can deal with.

It might have to do with how you were raised -- I was raised in a clean house with minimal pets. I really can't stand to live in squalor, with roaches or pet messes/smells etc.

but I can't manage to keep the laundry off the floor either. My room looks like a bomb went off -- just like when I was 12.

it's kinda weird.
Yeah, though I was raised in squalor (complete with roaches, ants, mice, and once, a raccoon O_O)...and I turned out to be a clean freak.

Except for laundry. I hear you on the floor clothes, lol. What I do is have 4 enormous open laundry baskets - one for pants, one for tops, one for lingerie, one for "I could get away with wearing this one more time".

And then I don't even fold my clean laundry, most of the stuff I wear doesn't wrinkle, and I iron what's necessary anyway. I just shove em in a drawer.
 

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My sisters and I respected eachother's space while we were growing up. We get along fine now, in fact, my sister is my roommate right now, because it was just logically sound with the recession. And I trust family over anyone else.

We can drive each other nuts, but we generally like eachother.
 
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I'm 23 with a 5 year old little sister(ESTP?) and a 19 year old brother(ENTP) and we all get along pretty well as long as I can get some me time. I've been noticing that when we get into conflicts with our parents, it seems to be because they are "J" like and are, in our opinion, overly controlling and always want us to do stuff there specific way. When they just tell us what needs to be done and we can go about accomplishing the task in our own way, it works out way better.

My sister and I can really trash a place if we're working on something, my brother though, doesn't work on things IRL, I guess he makes messes in his mind. Lol It's probably good to have designated spaces for peoples activities.
 

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It would have been nice to have ISTP parents.

Get freedom to do explore, learn things hands-on, privacy, no hissy fits about the kids "not being loving enough".

Instead, I ended up with an overly-protective, emo ESFJ who let HOBO STRANGERS live in our house because she "felt bad for him".

Ironic how strict you seem to be about tidiness though, given your P. My ESFJ mother didn't care...the house was literally a biohazard from all the animals she hoarded.

I have an ISTP dad who just dumps his crap places... "organised mess" apparently. I don't blame him. I'm the same. XD
And wow. She let strangers into the house? o_O My dad would just turn on the sprinklers.
 
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