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Having this mad impulse to turn Suzy Homemaker and bake cookies or vacuum his apartment or something.
god yes. it's awful. i'm so happy i finally managed to stop baking him cookies every other week… though i can't relate to the vacuuming. it would feel like a violation of his private space to me.
 

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Having this mad impulse to turn Suzy Homemaker and bake cookies or vacuum his apartment.
This is funny, because it actually happened. My response was a mad impulse to make her breakfast (I failed to realize that I repeated the gesture weekly for a few months. After which, I found that otherwise she never actually ate breakfast >/<)
 

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Don't worry, it's pretty difficult to screw up with an ISTP. But I don't recommend calling an ISTP out of the blue, b/c ISTP's dread talking on the phone. So try texting first and then call, or even Skype. Back in the days when MSN was still popular (sry for talking like an old man in rocking chair lol), transitioning from text to video chat was easy. Now it's kinda awkward to go from SMS to video chat.

Set up a night date, meet him at a Jazz bar or somewhere that serves alcohol (don't drink too much, or it will ruin the sex). Hug him upon meeting him (keep it extra long). An ISTP will bond with you via physical touch, so it's absolutely crucial to establish this with him the sooner the better and it will make the rest of the date way less awkward. Prolong talking, chit-chatting will not get you anywhere with an ISTP. Also, goes without saying that you must compel him via his Se, so make sure you look hot, smell nice, and smile often. If all goes well, it will likely to yield a night you will not forget anytime soon.

One of the biggest hurdle with INFP-ISTP pairing from my experience was communication. The INFP I dated was way too sensitive and conservative and took some of the things I said way too personally. So whatever you do, refrain from overreacting to an ISTP's objective and sometimes un-PC remarks. But I'm sure you can keep positive like you said.
So, update. I was stressing over this longer text blah blah, then was out late and got a little tipsy at a venue we had been to before, and texted him, keeping it light, wished he could join and wished him a great vacation. He called and left a voicemail at 4 a.m. Good news is it seemed to go over fine, bad news is I drank too much...and he sounded tipsy. It was kind of cute in a way, just hope they aren't overdoing it.
 

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So, update. I was stressing over this longer text blah blah, then was out late and got a little tipsy at a venue we had been to before, and texted him, keeping it light, wished he could join and wished him a great vacation. He called and left a voicemail at 6 a.m. Good news is it seemed to go over fine, bad news is I drank too much...and he sounded tipsy. It was kind of cute in a way, just hope they aren't overdoing it.
That's good to know! And just a reminder, the only thing that's tangible to a male ISTP is physical bonding. Other forms of communication are secondary. So just keep at it, text him and get him out. Good luck!
 

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Okay...I am curious.

It seems like from the things I am reading..........these things rate rather low on the priority list. Is this true or are we just misreading you?

Help us understand, if you dont mind.....I see many give up on 'you'.....is there something 'you' wish 'we' knew about 'you'?

Thank you in advance... :tongue:
I like relationships/intimacy/sex as much as anyone else does...I'd consider myself to be very...romantic, or straight to the point in those matters, and I enjoy partaking in them.
 

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That's good to know! And just a reminder, the only thing that's tangible to a male ISTP is physical bonding. Other forms of communication are secondary. So just keep at it, text him and get him out. Good luck!
I'm slightly stressed that I called him back around 1 today, and went to voicemail and haven't heard from him. I guess was sort of still wanting to communicate some basic appreciation and that I enjoyed his company and haven't known him long to make decision about the future, etc. to make sure he felt understood and no pressure, though sounds like verbalness isn't always the big way to connect. He's out of town now with family, and could see him having phone off or not having it charged, but just feel a little awkward.
 

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I'm slightly stressed that I called him back around 1 today, and went to voicemail and haven't heard from him. I guess was sort of still wanting to communicate some basic appreciation and that I enjoyed his company and haven't known him long to make decision about the future, etc. to make sure he felt understood and no pressure, though sounds like verbalness isn't always the big way to connect. He's out of town now with family, and could see him having phone off or not having it charged, but just feel a little awkward.
I think it's good that you left him a voice mail and clearly stated your intention, so the ball is in his court now. Who knows, maybe he had listened to your voice mail and needed time to process. We Ti-dom ppl need a lot of time to process things when it comes to relationships. So my guess is he will get back to you in a day or two with his decision. But in the mean time there isn't much you can you do about it now.
 

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I think it's good that you left him a voice mail and clearly stated your intention, so the ball is in his court now. Who knows, maybe he had listened to your voice mail and needed time to process. We Ti-dom ppl need a lot of time to process things when it comes to relationships. So my guess is he will get back to you in a day or two with his decision. But in the mean time there isn't much you can you do about it now.
Well, I'm not sure what there is to process. I texted late talking about where I was at/wished he could join and said have a great vacation.

He calls and leaves a voicemail at 4 a.m. saying that he got my text, was with family, interested to see what I was up to and to call him.

I called him back and just said, got your voicemail, you were up late. Hope you are having fun, feel free to call me later.

Hopefully not something he's upset about. And haven't mentioned the whole thing about no pressure, appreciate you, etc. Which is what I wanted to send in the first place to make sure there were no misunderstandings and I suppose to be affirming of him. I know I can't do anything now, but the message above is what I really wanted to share. Then I got tipsy...but felt confident and fine at the time, and instead reached out in a casual way. Will try to let it go. It all feels clunky at the moment because I don't know what's all going on and our last in person conversation took me by surprise, and thought more of what I wanted to say later. And with the ball in his court, afraid to contact again to say what I really meant to say. No pun really intended, but facepalm!

I also feel a little angry at times, as I know it isn't how I want to be treated and know some of it is expectations, but he was good when we were dating, and I know he is confused and needs time and pissing me off it seems complicated and doesn't have to be, and maybe there is a reason I want to fight and not even sure what that is. Definitely some anger, and noticed in general some issues of trust and faith I need to develop. As I almost find myself questioning him, instead of trusting based on how he followed his word in the past. Growing experience for sure, just the timing is a little hard for me.

Clarifying in my head how the situation can be humorous or human helps, and certainly I'm open to being accepting with him, and maybe afraid I won't have the same. Seeing my ex yesterday by chance was actually really helpful because I often felt a lot of peace with him, the opposite, and it actually gave me a boost to want to reach out to ISTP in a caring, mature, friendly way. Too many introverted qualities in both partners though does make it harder to communicate. And I know with other people as well, the anxious stage of waiting has also brought up insecurities that might not actually be present, and my thoughts should be more of that I'm cool, fun, nice girl and if he hasn't gotten back with me, it is because his phone is dead or had a day packed with events, etc., and not that he doesn't care or like me. Thanks for letting me talk through that, I think it helped me realize some things.
 

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Well, I'm not sure what there is to process. I texted late talking about where I was at/wished he could join and said have a great vacation.

He calls and leaves a voicemail at 4 a.m. saying that he got my text, was with family, interested to see what I was up to and to call him.

I called him back and just said, got your voicemail, you were up late. Hope you are having fun, feel free to call me later.

Hopefully not something he's upset about. And haven't mentioned the whole thing about no pressure, appreciate you, etc. Which is what I wanted to send in the first place to make sure there were no misunderstandings and I suppose to be affirming of him. I know I can't do anything now, but the message above is what I really wanted to share. Then I got tipsy...but felt confident and fine at the time, and instead reached out in a casual way. Will try to let it go. It all feels clunky at the moment because I don't know what's all going on and our last in person conversation took me by surprise, and thought more of what I wanted to say later. And with the ball in his court, afraid to contact again to say what I really meant to say. No pun really intended, but facepalm!

I also feel a little angry at times, as I know it isn't how I want to be treated and know some of it is expectations, but he was good when we were dating, and I know he is confused and needs time and pissing me off it seems complicated and doesn't have to be, and maybe there is a reason I want to fight and not even sure what that is. Definitely some anger, and noticed in general some issues of trust and faith I need to develop. As I almost find myself questioning him, instead of trusting based on how he followed his word in the past. Growing experience for sure, just the timing is a little hard for me.

Clarifying in my head how the situation can be humorous or human helps, and certainly I'm open to being accepting with him, and maybe afraid I won't have the same. Seeing my ex yesterday by chance was actually really helpful because I often felt a lot of peace with him, the opposite, and it actually gave me a boost to want to reach out to ISTP in a caring, mature, friendly way. Too many introverted qualities in both partners though does make it harder to communication. And I know with other people as well, the anxious stage of waiting has also brought up insecurities that might not actually be present, and my thoughts should be more of that I'm cool, fun, nice girl and if he hasn't gotten back with me, it is because his phone is dead or had a day packed with events, etc., and not that he doesn't care or like me. Thanks for letting me talk through that, I think it helped me realize some things.
Oh, so that's what he said in his voicemail. I thought he had said something that made you doubt his intention which left you in a stressful state when you called him back. Well, if that's in fact what he said then the situation seems pretty straight forward: he is still interested. To what degree? I don't know.

Look, I know you are angry with him b/c he doesn't get back to you sooner and/or with more assurance. But know that what you are experiencing right now is pretty typical ISTP behavior. According to @n2freedom we ISTP's have three major weaknesses when it comes to relationships: Inconsistent behavior, long processing time, and slow to commit. http://personalitycafe.com/istp-forum-mechanics/132445-non-istps-forum-what-do-you-think-istps-11.html

In my opinion, if your ISTP is taking his time, it means he does care about you. Very frustrating I know, but if your ISTP wasn't interested, you would've gotten brushed off and wouldn't hear from him at all.

Plus, you mentioned he is carrying a lot of emotional baggage from his last relationship which he needed to sort through. Hence, I think he is still in the midst of processing that and not going full throttle like you wanted him to.

But looking at the bright side if he is really into you, things will get better. If things don't get better, well then I guess you should follow your instinct and find another man like you said.
 

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Well, I'm not sure what there is to process. I texted late talking about where I was at/wished he could join and said have a great vacation.
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Thanks for letting me talk through that, I think it helped me realize some things.
In my experience, the more intense their feelings become before they fully embrace them .... the more erratic the behavior will be. I know we hear all the times action speaks louder than words. But, I have found my intuition and gut are where I've had to go to get a sense of where he was in the process. Talking with people who don't understand ISTPs will only serve to complicate matters all the more.

It seems like he is interested but may not be ready to fully engage just yet. You just have to trust that your messages are getting through, that he is glad to hear from you, and that he is interested. One tell-tale sign is he contacted you back at 4 am...that says to me he was so happy to hear from you that he didn't have time to think and acted impulsively to contact you back. I find they do that one a lot. You missed his call and he probably caught himself in the act so to speak and has probably given himself a little self talk and pulled back.

It's okay. Sounds like you are making progress. Give a few days maybe 3-4 and hit him up again with something light, upbeat, and flirty....just a little something to let him know you're still there and you still care. He may or may not respond but trust me...he's glad to hear from you.

I promise you ... you really have to throw away all the relationship self-help stuff you've heard when it comes to ISTPs because they are truly different in their thinking when it comes to emotions and relationships. Once you learn their language....it will become more clearer to you that he really does care and is really interested.

The other key is to stay focused on your life and keep busy. :kitteh:
 

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In my experience, the more intense their feelings become before they fully embrace them .... the more erratic the behavior will be. I know we hear all the times action speaks louder than words. But, I have found my intuition and gut are where I've had to go to get a sense of where he was in the process. Talking with people who don't understand ISTPs will only serve to complicate matters all the more.

It seems like he is interested but may not be ready to fully engage just yet. You just have to trust that your messages are getting through, that he is glad to hear from you, and that he is interested. One tell-tale sign is he contacted you back at 4 am...that says to me he was so happy to hear from you that he didn't have time to think and acted impulsively to contact you back. I find they do that one a lot. You missed his call and he probably caught himself in the act so to speak and has probably given himself a little self talk and pulled back.

It's okay. Sounds like you are making progress. Give a few days maybe 3-4 and hit him up again with something light, upbeat, and flirty....just a little something to let him know you're still there and you still care. He may or may not respond but trust me...he's glad to hear from you.

I promise you ... you really have to throw away all the relationship self-help stuff you've heard when it comes to ISTPs because they are truly different in their thinking when it comes to emotions and relationships. Once you learn their language....it will become more clearer to you that he really does care and is really interested.

The other key is to stay focused on your life and keep busy. :kitteh:
Thanks! The funny thing is that he might be like me, and totally bemoaning the tipsy reach out. I'm finally getting back to focusing on other things....just been slow lately, but that does help.
 

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In my experience, the more intense their feelings become before they fully embrace them .... the more erratic the behavior will be. I know we hear all the times action speaks louder than words. But, I have found my intuition and gut are where I've had to go to get a sense of where he was in the process. Talking with people who don't understand ISTPs will only serve to complicate matters all the more.

It seems like he is interested but may not be ready to fully engage just yet. You just have to trust that your messages are getting through, that he is glad to hear from you, and that he is interested. One tell-tale sign is he contacted you back at 4 am...that says to me he was so happy to hear from you that he didn't have time to think and acted impulsively to contact you back. I find they do that one a lot. You missed his call and he probably caught himself in the act so to speak and has probably given himself a little self talk and pulled back.

It's okay. Sounds like you are making progress. Give a few days maybe 3-4 and hit him up again with something light, upbeat, and flirty....just a little something to let him know you're still there and you still care. He may or may not respond but trust me...he's glad to hear from you.

I promise you ... you really have to throw away all the relationship self-help stuff you've heard when it comes to ISTPs because they are truly different in their thinking when it comes to emotions and relationships. Once you learn their language....it will become more clearer to you that he really does care and is really interested.

The other key is to stay focused on your life and keep busy. :kitteh:
Thanks again to FacePalm and n2freedom (I don't know how to link to users!). Just want to say this is a little hard at times waiting and not knowing what is going on in his head or communicating...or just trusting in the good parts. I've read a lot and care enough to want to understand, but man, I need to also focus on other things. He was fun and I liked his friends. Miss being with him. He was always really touchy with me...which sounds like is good thing (actions over words). And he thought I was sexy and pretty. Sometimes hard to not cry. Sometimes it is better. Wish I had more fun/good people to hang out with and can't wait for a normal schedule again. I miss the sex too to be honest. Sometimes I feel better when I'm feeling more bold or even protective of him. There is almost a vulnerable quality I want to gobble up. He hasn't called back. I think I'm OK with that, and maybe better. Shrug. Need to put some of my energy elsewhere. I guess I can try to reach out again...friendly, maybe flirty. I don't want to freak him out and feel like I'm on egg shells, which sucks...and not sure what all triggered everything for him. I have some thoughts based on our conversations, but read today that usually, whatever you might be thinking about what's up with them isn't really it. Do ISTPs share this kind of stuff? On another level, I just want to be like, can't this not be weird and just have fun again and cuddle and be back in that falling in love part? Sigh. My logic tells me he is likely not ready. So I need to figure out what else to do.
 

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Thanks again to FacePalm and n2freedom (I don't know how to link to users!). Just want to say this is a little hard at times waiting and not knowing what is going on in his head or communicating...or just trusting in the good parts. I've read a lot and care enough to want to understand, but man, I need to also focus on other things. He was fun and I liked his friends. Miss being with him. He was always really touchy with me...which sounds like is good thing (actions over words). And he thought I was sexy and pretty. Sometimes hard to not cry. Sometimes it is better. Wish I had more fun/good people to hang out with and can't wait for a normal schedule again. I miss the sex too to be honest. Sometimes I feel better when I'm feeling more bold or even protective of him. There is almost a vulnerable quality I want to gobble up. He hasn't called back. I think I'm OK with that, and maybe better. Shrug. Need to put some of my energy elsewhere. I guess I can try to reach out again...friendly, maybe flirty. I don't want to freak him out and feel like I'm on egg shells, which sucks...and not sure what all triggered everything for him. I have some thoughts based on our conversations, but read today that usually, whatever you might be thinking about what's up with them isn't really it. Do ISTPs share this kind of stuff? On another level, I just want to be like, can't this not be weird and just have fun again and cuddle and be back in that falling in love part? Sigh. My logic tells me he is likely not ready. So I need to figure out what else to do.
You're welcome @snc1878 ! Hope we've given you enough hints to get you started on solving this ISTP puzzle of yours. It certainly comes with it's own unique set of challenges, so whenever you find yourself stuck, you can always come back to this ISTP forum for the most relevant hints :)

I am sorry to hear that he hasn't called back, but hang in there. I agree the best part in relationships is the cuddly part, and shouldn't have to be complicated. But relationships always get stale over time don't they. How to keep things fresh is always the challenge that every relationships have to face. But for the time being, I think you already know how to proceed. Just continue to reach out in a fun and flirty manner.
 

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Thanks again to FacePalm and n2freedom (I don't know how to link to users!). Just want to say this is a little hard at times waiting and not knowing what is going on in his head or communicating...or just trusting in the good parts. I've read a lot and care enough to want to understand, but man, I need to also focus on other things. He was fun and I liked his friends. Miss being with him. He was always really touchy with me...which sounds like is good thing (actions over words). And he thought I was sexy and pretty. Sometimes hard to not cry. Sometimes it is better. Wish I had more fun/good people to hang out with and can't wait for a normal schedule again. I miss the sex too to be honest. Sometimes I feel better when I'm feeling more bold or even protective of him. There is almost a vulnerable quality I want to gobble up. He hasn't called back. I think I'm OK with that, and maybe better. Shrug. Need to put some of my energy elsewhere. I guess I can try to reach out again...friendly, maybe flirty. I don't want to freak him out and feel like I'm on egg shells, which sucks...and not sure what all triggered everything for him. I have some thoughts based on our conversations, but read today that usually, whatever you might be thinking about what's up with them isn't really it. Do ISTPs share this kind of stuff? On another level, I just want to be like, can't this not be weird and just have fun again and cuddle and be back in that falling in love part? Sigh. My logic tells me he is likely not ready. So I need to figure out what else to do.
I think the challenge here is going to be mastering meanings for you when he pulls back. Based on my experience and experiences of others, it happens and often without warning. The only thing I have found that has helped me is to stay busy and get on with the business of living. I know that's easier said than done especially when you're seeking reassurance. If you want to attempt to get things back on track again try the hover at a distance meaning contact him every 2-3 days. Sometimes he will respond sometimes he won't. Don't worry about if he does or doesn't during this time of rebuilding.

He's happy to get the message and what it is doing is building consistency. I suspect they like consistency but not always to keen on giving it. But, being consistent helps there walls to come down. It seems to me at least from my experience that there is a secret fear and testing (on a very very subconscious level) of are you going to leave me ....are you still going to be here...you say you love/care but can you love/care for me at my worst?...can you handle the distance?....can you hold your own or are you going to emotionally burden and saddle me?

In my experience their love does not come without a price tag it's going to take some work of staying the course with them without coming on too strong and spooking them but not being too distant. It's a delicate balance for sure....I find following my intuition is the best guide for me when it comes to dealing with him. You'll be surprise how much love and adoration can build up for an ISTP during the silence....many people it happens during times of "togetherness" but for them it's during the silence.

The more you can afford him to go back to his bat cave and savor those good moments in silence but gently know you're still there...the more the walls come down and the more he'll give you of his yummy yummy goodness. You just have to decide is he worth cause it's going to take some work on your part.
 

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Me personally, I don't like too much PDA. I don't feel the need to talk and tell you verbally how much I love/like and appreciate a person, I rather show them through, I suppose taking care of them, like making them food, or listening to them or sex (definitely sex) and the occasional hug and kiss in public.
 

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I think the challenge here is going to be mastering meanings for you when he pulls back. Based on my experience and experiences of others, it happens and often without warning. The only thing I have found that has helped me is to stay busy and get on with the business of living. I know that's easier said than done especially when you're seeking reassurance. If you want to attempt to get things back on track again try the hover at a distance meaning contact him every 2-3 days. Sometimes he will respond sometimes he won't. Don't worry about if he does or doesn't during this time of rebuilding.

He's happy to get the message and what it is doing is building consistency. I suspect they like consistency but not always to keen on giving it. But, being consistent helps there walls to come down. It seems to me at least from my experience that there is a secret fear and testing (on a very very subconscious level) of are you going to leave me ....are you still going to be here...you say you love/care but can you love/care for me at my worst?...can you handle the distance?....can you hold your own or are you going to emotionally burden and saddle me?

In my experience their love does not come without a price tag it's going to take some work of staying the course with them without coming on too strong and spooking them but not being too distant. It's a delicate balance for sure....I find following my intuition is the best guide for me when it comes to dealing with him. You'll be surprise how much love and adoration can build up for an ISTP during the silence....many people it happens during times of "togetherness" but for them it's during the silence.

The more you can afford him to go back to his bat cave and savor those good moments in silence but gently know you're still there...the more the walls come down and the more he'll give you of his yummy yummy goodness. You just have to decide is he worth cause it's going to take some work on your part.
I almost got in touch with him today, as I had felt better and had been reaching out to other people too. And generally am a caring person. But got sidetracked talking with a friend who is down, and now feel sad again myself and missing him...but really want to try and follow what you all have suggested, about it not being too bad to reach out. Just I know that I've had so much going on, that I want to be in a good mental space. And just feel like crying again and trying to get back from approaching things from a friendly, caring way vs. feeling loss. I just don't want to interrupt his time to process and do what he needs to do, because I want him to choose me and don't want him to think I'm being clingy by reaching out again. I think he has had some bad experiences with women he wasn't into not letting him go. And maybe this is partly ISTP preference of non-verbal communication, but he made a snippy mark like, "You aren't going to email me, are you?" when I asked for his email for an event we were joining. I thought that was an odd statement. I think it was good that he felt comfortable talking to me. And I want to be caring and positive with him and friendly, and just trying for me mentally and emotionally right now because I'm dealing with other things.
 

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I almost got in touch with him today, as I had felt better and had been reaching out to other people too. And generally am a caring person. But got sidetracked talking with a friend who is down, and now feel sad again myself and missing him...but really want to try and follow what you all have suggested, about it not being too bad to reach out. Just I know that I've had so much going on, that I want to be in a good mental space. And just feel like crying again and trying to get back from approaching things from a friendly, caring way vs. feeling loss. I just don't want to interrupt his time to process and do what he needs to do, because I want him to choose me and don't want him to think I'm being clingy by reaching out again. I think he has had some bad experiences with women he wasn't into not letting him go. And maybe this is partly ISTP preference of non-verbal communication, but he made a snippy mark like, "You aren't going to email me, are you?" when I asked for his email for an event we were joining. I thought that was an odd statement. I think it was good that he felt comfortable talking to me. And I want to be caring and positive with him and friendly, and just trying for me mentally and emotionally right now because I'm dealing with other things.
Yes wait until you're feeling more confident. Confidence is a key factor in dealing with any man. Don't make it out to be more than it has to be by assigning so much meaning to it. Relationships are a two way street. He has to earn your love as well as you earning his. Only do what you feel comfortable doing and can do without attachments. It doesn't matter what other women did in his life. As long as he is responding...take it as a positive sign.

But, if you're not comfortable initiating ... then don't. Open yourself up to dating other people. There are easier people to love out there. But, if you're going to try to make it a go with him....just know in the beginning...more of the initiating is going to probably going to land in your court. In my opinion and experience, you really have to be the master of meanings when dealing with an ISTP. If not the silence and sudden pull backs will bring up every last insecurity that you may have. You have got to master the meanings and keep a level head at all times.

Also, clear out the mental chatter so that you can get in touch with your intuition. Your intuition will be a good guy to know when to move forward and when to pull back yourself. It's a delicate balancing act but from what I have observed from others on this board, once they're in they're in it for the long haul.
 

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Yes wait until you're feeling more confident. Confidence is a key factor in dealing with any man. Don't make it out to be more than it has to be by assigning so much meaning to it. Relationships are a two way street. He has to earn your love as well as you earning his. Only do what you feel comfortable doing and can do without attachments. It doesn't matter what other women did in his life. As long as he is responding...take it as a positive sign.

But, if you're not comfortable initiating ... then don't. Open yourself up to dating other people. There are easier people to love out there. But, if you're going to try to make it a go with him....just know in the beginning...more of the initiating is going to probably going to land in your court. In my opinion and experience, you really have to be the master of meanings when dealing with an ISTP. If not the silence and sudden pull backs will bring up every last insecurity that you may have. You have got to master the meanings and keep a level head at all times.

Also, clear out the mental chatter so that you can get in touch with your intuition. Your intuition will be a good guy to know when to move forward and when to pull back yourself. It's a delicate balancing act but from what I have observed from others on this board, once they're in they're in it for the long haul.
Thanks kindly. Just got a job offer, and wanted to reach out to him about it, but held back. Instead I ended up chatting with ENTJ that I care for, that is about to leave the country, and more men wondering tonight why ISTP isn't there for me. And maybe he would be if I reached out. Being aware of his request for space makes me a little sad. ENTJ can't give a great deal right now, and he's leaving the country. ISTP in his head. I reached out to ENTJ tonight because it seemed safer, and he was responsive. Just he is unavailable too. And I miss my family. Job offer today and me feel sad at another thing keeping me away from them, though I had reason to leave before. But, faced with ENTJ leaving the country, ISTP not sure he is available and missing my family. Seems silly at times, and why commit to a life here when I don't have someone to share it with?
 

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Thanks kindly. Just got a job offer, and wanted to reach out to him about it, but held back. Instead I ended up chatting with ENTJ that I care for, that is about to leave the country, and more men wondering tonight why ISTP isn't there for me. And maybe he would be if I reached out. Being aware of his request for space makes me a little sad. ENTJ can't give a great deal right now, and he's leaving the country. ISTP in his head. I reached out to ENTJ tonight because it seemed safer, and he was responsive. Just he is unavailable too. And I miss my family. Job offer today and me feel sad at another thing keeping me away from them, though I had reason to leave before. But, faced with ENTJ leaving the country, ISTP not sure he is available and missing my family. Seems silly at times, and why commit to a life here when I don't have someone to share it with?
CONGRATULATIONS on your job offer!!! I'm so happy for you. I'll be glad when I can post similar news...I am more than ready for a new gig. Be available to yourself and make yourself happy. Sometimes in life we are so busy resisting our current position in life that we immobilize ourselves and aren't using today to make a difference in our lives going forward. If they both are unavailable...excuse my language but Fuck them. There are soooooo many men out here in this big huge world.

I was guilty of tunnel vision and trying to make it work with the ISTP in my life. We had yet another one of our infamous breakups four weeks ago today. He hasn't reached out and neither have I. I plan on doing everything within my power to move on. I love him dearly but we both need to find partners that are naturally compatible to us.

I need more time and attention than he is willing to give. I don't need someone under me 24-7 but I need more from a relationship than he willing/can offer so I'm throwing in the towel. Almost three years is enough...and to be honest I should have thrown it in much sooner and kept it that way..it would've been the best thing for both of us. I can't accept and honor him the way he is and he deserves that....just like I deserve to have what I need/want from a relationship.

What I'm trying to say is this life can pass you by while wishing and hoping someone will change and can magically give you what you want from a relationship. I allowed almost three years to slip thru my fingers wishing, hoping, and waiting that the ISTP in my life would wake up and smell the coffee. I won't allow myself to do that one again because here is the deal....some will, some won't, so what....someone's waiting.

I'm saying all this to say what you are seeking is seeking you...get out there in life and make yourself available to the someone who is waiting on you. Someone you're naturally compatible to and won't bring you so much frustration heartache and pain. This quote sums up what I'm trying to say “Failing to recognize that you have choices leads you to resign yourself to your current position in life.” Recognize you have choices and use this new beginning as a springboard for your life to go out there and life live to the full. Someone special is waiting on you and the two of you can have a ridiculously amazing relationship without the anxiety and drama.
 

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I called him today. Had a good chat with a guy I know, who was very helpful in being supporting and letting me talk through and figure out the best way to approach things. If nothing else, I know I took a risk to reach out and to say what I'm looking for and being accepting, but also esteeming myself by being assertive...a weak skill. At the least I know I have done my part and was worth the risk because I liked him. I still kept it light...just simple and direct and think fair enough for anyone to ask. If I don't have an answer, that is my answer. At least I don't have to wonder. And while I imagine not the right time in general, knowing if there is a possibility would be helpful to me. And also been good to get more centered on my end, as it was very nerve wracking for me to reach out and be more emotionally honest and direct...but know that needs to happen with a healthy relationship. And I don't think I've done that before. It doesn't have to be that big of deal, so at least glad I was willing to bridge a fear and be more real, and that covers any ground in the case he was needing any affirmation from me. As I know things were good for awhile...and for me being vulnerable or telling someone I liked the time with them or missed them is difficult. But will need to have that openness and trust and directness to have a good relationship...and of course figuring out more quickly what other people are looking for to determine who is available for what I'd like. One of the big take aways I learned today too was the need to be more direct and upfront, especially when things seemed questionable or off. I hated hearing my friend say I would be easy to cheat on, because I may be too understanding/nice or just don't put out more requirements. It isn't that I don't have them, but more I'm not practiced in being appropriately direct. And while I'm interested in learning more about this guy, I still have to realize too I was having some concerns about his drinking. And also know that I want to be better about staying more available and focused on the person I'm with...as I've been dealing with some other distractions, and want to be kind, loving and respectful for all involved, because I really want a good thing.
 
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