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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When something bad happens that's getting everyone upset, what are your strategies for pretending you care? :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
You know I should probably elaborate... like if you're stuck with someone who wants to talk about matchsticks for twenty minutes, or whatever.
 

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In answer to your first inquiry. If I really do care then why would I pretend? And if I really don't care, why should I pretend?

In answer to you second inquiry. I feign like I'm busy or in a hurry to do something else and I excuse myself from the conversation.

"It was nice talking with you, I gotta go, see you later."
 

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Interesting question. I find something about the person to be interested in and then continue to ask them guiding questions like "how so?", "can you give me an example?", and so on so they're actually doing most of the talking. The fact that you ask them questions shows them that you're paying attention and that you care about what they're saying. You may not actually give a crap, I know I seldom do, but it does wonders for the other person.

At some point though, I excuse myself from the conversation.
 

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I agree with AEIOU on this one. I am not going to pretend to be concerned if I am not. Based on that response I will probably go about my business unless asked to intervene. As the inquiry relates to type, we do use Fe as our 4th function therefore can naturally care about others' concerns. Also as it relates to type, I typically am not going to strategize about the matter. That seems to imply that I am giving it some considerable thought. I am either going to jump in and try to bring order to the matter and help/or help resolve the problem. That's not strategizing to me that's taking a tactical approach. Or as I said first, I am going to observe from a distance until I find no further interest in the matter, then go my way.
 

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I agree with AEIOU on this one. I am not going to pretend to be concerned if I am not. Based on that response I will probably go about my business unless asked to intervene. As the inquiry relates to type, we do use Fe as our 4th function therefore can naturally care about others' concerns. Also as it relates to type, I typically am not going to strategize about the matter. That seems to imply that I am giving it some considerable thought. I am either going to jump in and try to bring order to the matter and help/or help resolve the problem. That's not strategizing to me that's taking a tactical approach. Or as I said first, I am going to observe from a distance until I find no further interest in the matter, then go my way.
I've spent quite a few years in sales. If you can't at least pretend to care, you don't eat.
 

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I've spent quite a few years in sales. If you can't at least pretend to care, you don't eat.
You raise a great point Thought. There are salesmen and there are marketers. A salesperson will sale their product, a marketer finds out what the consumer is seeking and tailor their service or product accordingly. Which were you?

Furthermore your example shows that you have a motivation to appear to have an interest. If my caring or not caring has repercussions then of course I am going to appear to care, regardless. But I did not take the inquiry as something that would negatively impact me if I did not appear to care.
 

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You raise a great point Thought. There are salesmen and there are marketers. A salesperson will sale their product, a marketer finds out what the consumer is seeking and tailor their service or product accordingly. Which were you?

Furthermore your example shows that you have a motivation to appear to have an interest. If my caring or not caring has repercussions then of course I am going to appear to care, regardless. But I did not take the inquiry as something that would negatively impact me if I did not appear to care.
I was commissioned sales, for the most part. For that gig you have to be able to form a strong customer/salesman relationship, which means they have to believe you care about their needs. I always told my customers, "if I take care of you, I know your pocketbook will follow".

For the average, random, person I couldn't care less and will bail at the first opportunity.
 

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I genuinely really do care about people. If people are being morons and need to get over something, it's in their best interests that they understand that as soon as possible.


However, if someone really is in a bad situation, or in a really hard place emotionally... there's no pretend about it. I'm the kind of person that wants to be there, just to be there... to listen.
 

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The last few years, I've begun to genuinely care. I met a guy the other day who told me his wife was on verge of death by cancer, and I actually choked up. Ten years ago I probably would've thought of something funny to say (as in black humor, not as in lol funny), but I really can't do that anymore. As FearsomeCritter, I'm a lot more of a listener today.

But if you mean faking caring when somebody keeps rambling about his matchstick collection, I go "aha" a lot and desperately look for another place to be.
 

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When I was in math class during the 9-11 attacks, I looked up at the TV in disbelief. I didn't say much, and the TV was full of people flipping a shit and whatnot. The people around me freaked out. I was angry that night and played some red alert in my short lived anger toward america's enemies, but after that I sorta stopped caring and would just be annoyed when people brought it up a week later. Of course I didn't want to talk about it because then people would realize how little I was affected by it other than the thought of "oh god the airplane security line is gonna be a bitch to get through."

But if there was a person in front of me agonizing of a gunshot wound or was attacked by a bear or something, I'd be very empathetic to the point of feeling their pain and crying for them. I don't know I guess it has to be right in front of me to affect me.

Then there are those girls who expect me to sweep them off their feet and save them from their alcoholic family and lack of a father figure... I'm starting to get annoyed with them even if their concerns are legitimate. I've heard that story so many times I'm starting to think its an act.
 

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I was never big on the whole emotional crutch thing.
 
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If I've got nothing better to do, I might sit there and nod. I do a lot of that, actually... It's amazing how many people are oblivious. They don't care. I just sit there and say "uh-huh" every time they pause and they just keep on going. I figure most people are really only interested in listening to themselves talk, even if I don't.

Anyway, I'm rather lacking on empathy. Obviously, if someone was dying right in front of me, I'd care...
Maybe... If I knew them...
 
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I'll admit, I don't care about anything when it comes to emotional shit. Mostly because I know that that is what it is: Shit.
:)
 

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I suppose, if I cared about someone I'd just be there with them, doesn't have to involve much talking, just listening to their problem. Only if I cared about them though. I couldn't just listen to some over-emotional psycho go on and on about crap.
 

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i go to my happy place. my best friend calls it going on auto-pilot. she's an SJ, and every once in a while, she'll say, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME and ill say well, no, say something interesting....
 
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