Personality Cafe banner

ISTPs Which is your love language?

  • Acts of Service

    Votes: 13 21.0%
  • Gifts

    Votes: 2 3.2%
  • Words of Affirmation

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Quality Time

    Votes: 26 41.9%
  • Physical Touch

    Votes: 21 33.9%

  • Total voters
    62
1 - 20 of 45 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,966 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Feel free to comment below or elaborate further...

Tests Here
Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®
The 5 Love Language Quiz |Love Languages| Take The 5 Love Language Quiz - Beliefnet.com

Pieces from another Per C thread on the subject copied & pasted below...
"The Five Love Languages" Explained
I think it’s time to compile some information on Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. As I spend time on Personality Cafe, I seem to always stumble upon threads where members are trying to pin down traits as something that “all ISTJs do” or “all sx doms do.” In many of these circumstances, I feel like relationship questions can better be addressed by understanding the Five Love Languages.

Your emotional love language and that of your S/O may be as different as Mandarin from English – no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your S/O only understands Mandarin, you’ll never understand how to love each other.

Determining Your Own Love Language
Either take the assessments above, or since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

❤ How do I express love to others?
❤ What do I complain about the most?
❤ What do I request most often?

Love Languages

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*

Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.
Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire courage”. All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. Perhaps you or your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you or from him.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.*

This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. What I mean is taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. The love language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner.

Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colours and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.*

People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes, sorting the bills, walking the dog or dealing with landlords are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a doormat to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*

Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex – all of these are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family. Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and when you return may involve only a brief kiss, but speaks volumes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,449 Posts
Physical Touch, followed by Words of Affirmation.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sensational

·
💌
Joined
·
8,776 Posts
1) Quality Time
2) Physical Touch (no cuddling though or any of that mushy stuff :p)
3) Acts of Service
4) Words of Affirmation
^ I don't need to hear or say "I love you" or anything similar in manner.
I prefer something more grounded like "you're fun to talk to" or "I like your taste in music" sorta thing.

Not really into gifts, I feel too awkward.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,931 Posts
1) Quality Time
2) Physical Touch (no cuddling though or any of that mushy stuff :p)
3) Acts of Service
4) Words of Affirmation
^ I don't need to hear or say "I love you" or anything similar in manner.
I prefer something more grounded like "you're fun to talk to" or "I like your taste in music" sorta thing.

Not really into gifts, I feel too awkward.
Through text I don't mind saying those three words (since it's a lot easier), but I'll only ever say it less than three times. People throw them around too casually, IMO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,449 Posts
Through text I don't mind saying those three words (since it's a lot easier), but I'll only ever say it less than three times. People throw them around too casually, IMO.
I only say it after months of careful thought, consideration, and testing. Lol
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,538 Posts
My number one is Physical Touch, followed closely by Quality Time. I'm in a wonderful relationship now and her Love Language(s) are quite similar to mine. We kiss and hug and hold and lean on each other as often as possible.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,931 Posts
I only say it after months of careful thought, consideration, and testing. Lol
Yep, pretty much. I have to REALLY feel that someone is special in order for those words to ever come out of my mouth. And, frankly, it takes a while for that to happen, and I won't say them all the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
722 Posts
First of all there are the 'Acts of service' - lawn mowing, feeding, grooming and walking the dog, being helpful in times of emergency/crisis (earthquake, flood, storms, medical emergency etc.), helping them out during critical juncture, all kinds of manual muscle work, running errands and doing them a favor whenever they ask.

Then there is 'Quality Time': I like drinking, eating, talking, discussing and watching movies with the ones I love.

Finally, 'Physical Touch': I like to massage their bodies, and then there is the awesome sex.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
195 Posts
Physical touch
Quality time

That'd really be all that's needed in my case, but I do enjoy the whole Words of Affirmation, just as a luxury.

...not gifts though, they make me feel awkward...unless they are beyond perfect - Like my violin, and my Blaster bag from Jungle Tribe - both gifts from my boyfriend - and both Perfect...when he got me the violin, he'd known me for two months, and I had mentioned (ONCE, in the first three days of us getting to know eachother) that I'd always dreamed of learning how to play. That just shows that he pays attention and cares about ME.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,966 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
when he got me the violin, he'd known me for two months, and I had mentioned (ONCE, in the first three days of us getting to know eachother) that I'd always dreamed of learning how to play. That just shows that he pays attention and cares about ME.
Yeah thats pretty awesome I would say that in this sort of form is how I think gifts should come, when its a reflection of showing you listen to the person. In general gifts are not my love language, but something like this story would definitely resonate with me and be very appreciated and meaningful. That was very kind & heartfelt of your boyfriend.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,931 Posts
when he got me the violin, he'd known me for two months, and I had mentioned (ONCE, in the first three days of us getting to know eachother) that I'd always dreamed of learning how to play. That just shows that he pays attention and cares about ME.
A practical, yet thoughtful gift all at once? That's awesome!


I like to massage their bodies, and then there is the awesome sex.
My SO's mentioned massages. Haven't experienced it, yet, but considering he's an ISTP I very likely won't be disappointed when it happens.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
8,873 Posts
I didnt really have a sex drive actually. But I was getting massages regularly.
I so love massage. Better than sex.

Sex, you're only aroused on your private parts.

Massage, whole body are massaged. It's really really really better than sex.
 
1 - 20 of 45 Posts
Top