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Story of my life. I'm, pretty much shit in social situations. I want to get better.

I went to an art gallery then a house party after with my room mates. at both events there was a girl eyeing me from across the room. practically daring me to walk up to her and start flirting.

and i did nothing. fuck, why am i so passive?! why can't I face up to the fact that a gorgeous inteliigent girl will never walk up to and start flirting with me.

us infp men can't be 'saved'. i want to turn my idealism on its head and shatter it completely. i hate being an introvert. i hate being unable to put myself out there in any capacity because of insecurities and self doubt. had i any balls, i would've asked either of those girls out. or for their number at least . . .

i'm just sick of being alone out here in the city. literally alone, not a single friend or person i confide in.

this world wasn't made for men like us, and i don't know how to make my place in the world in spite of it.

its like i'm self sabotaging and the world is unaccepting/understanding.

the kicker is-i've had chances. numerous chances. thats what gets me, what eats at me is the regret.

i need a drink.
 

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I don't really know how to respond to this. I feel ya man... But it sounds like your problem wasn't your personality. It was that you didn't drink enough! :)

Just kidding... well sort of...

So you are right, an intelligent supermodel is not going to walk up to you out of the blue. You've already taken a step in the right direction coming to grips with that. The thing is even though you had this opportunity to meet this "dream girl", as all the missed ones are, you may not be putting yourself in comfortable environments to meet the people you want to meet. Yes, you could have gone up and talked to her there. But there is that possibility, these type of environments just are not suited to you. I know, personally, I can party with the guys and act normal, but the environment just doesn't suit me to approach women in a friendly, non-threatening way. The places I am more likely to hit it off well with a girl are in organizations, clubs, parks, church, the grocery store... The drinking, act cool, be-someone-you-are-not environment is often not a success for me.

So don't beat yourself up over this, it is not the end of the world. Just because you missed one opportunity does not make you a failure. Take your lessons learned in stride and think how you can improve the next time you are in this situation.

Hope that helps, and best of luck!
 

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You can't give up. This world isn't suitable for us, but we can't expect everything to suit our needs.

I find even if for a little while, putting myself out there can yield positive results. Even if it does fail every now and then, you gain courage, and you do better the next time. I tend to be ENFPish sometimes, usually if I'm in a good mood or if I'm on the job, and it helps others open up to you, and it's satisfying to me on a personal level.

You still have a chance, get out there and show the world what you're made of. Positively of course! :wink:
 

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You can't give up. This world isn't suitable for us, but we can't expect everything to suit our needs.

I find even if for a little while, putting myself out there can yield positive results. Even if it does fail every now and then, you gain courage, and you do better the next time. I tend to be ENFPish sometimes, usually if I'm in a good mood or if I'm on the job, and it helps others open up to you, and it's satisfying to me on a personal level.

You still have a chance, get out there and show the world what you're made of. Positively of course! :wink:
I was basically gonig to say the say thing. it isn't easy but the alterative is worse i assure you. don't give up hope!
 

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I'm thanking the OP, not because I accept his position, but can understand the position he is in. The only thing I can advise is that rather than rationalising your way out of whatever action you'd like to accomplish, rationalise your way INTO doing it. So you see these girls... if you approach them, what's the worst that could happen? As long as that result isn' t death or major physical agony, you have nothing to worry about. Worst case, it's chalked up to experience. Best...? Use your imagination :)

Ether way, you'd be doing yourself a great favour by reading a book called "Guide to Rational Living". For overthinkers like us, it's amazing.
 

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What you wrote was basically the story of the first thirty-some years of my adult life. The only things that broke me out of it was that my gf to be was not an introvert.
 

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If you're reserved, just accept yourself the way you are and open up more when you're ready again.
 

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If you find yourself regretting numerous times that you didn't talk to her, I think it's time you just stop thinking and start walking up to her and start saying something. I stress the "not thinking" part, because you'll never talk to her if you think. You just have to DO IT. Kind of like jumping off the high dive.

I make myself do scary things that I do not want to do, like jump off the high dive and go out and be social and other stupid little things. It's exhilarating and it keeps me feeling alive, and the best part is that when I get to go home and be all introverty, I'm exxxxtra comfortable and also very proud of myself.

So talk to her. Just do it. And if you fail, at least you tried. And if you don't fail, who knows?
 

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First step: Relax

Second step: Forget about thinking, just stop that whole enterprise altogether. Be spontaneous, or at least try it. This will give you confidence and just remember -- 'what's the worst that can happen?'

From here it's not so hard.


I think there was a quote one guy said about how there are people who dive in this world, and then there are people who read books about diving, think about diving, do the physics of diving in their minds -- but never actually dive, because all those things they did were just to avoid diving. Sometimes you just gotta close your eyes and jump!
 

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Heh, try having a manic phase asking out random girls in the middle of the street one after another and to your surprise walk away with fifteen phone numbers just to throw them away and go dance around a pole by yourself falling on your ass and get beat up by a group of punks and then left depressed at the corner of seven eleven realizing you're in the wrong fucking city with no fucking money what so ever because you spent it all and or gave it all away to beggars... if you read this out loud, did you breath, once? That's how I talk when I'm in my manic phases. What a charmer <_<

But yeah, I'm a long way from 19 years old now and I restrain myself a lot because if I become manic the downfall makes me close to if not suicidal. Just saying, if you don't suffer from any major mental disorders you can work on your self-esteem by just, I don't know, try going to a different city with your closest buddy, have a drink and cheer eachother up, boost eachothers ego's instead of draging it down.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
If you find yourself regretting numerous times that you didn't talk to her, I think it's time you just stop thinking and start walking up to her and start saying something. I stress the "not thinking" part, because you'll never talk to her if you think. You just have to DO IT. Kind of like jumping off the high dive.

I make myself do scary things that I do not want to do, like jump off the high dive and go out and be social and other stupid little things. It's exhilarating and it keeps me feeling alive, and the best part is that when I get to go home and be all introverty, I'm exxxxtra comfortable and also very proud of myself.

So talk to her. Just do it. And if you fail, at least you tried. And if you don't fail, who knows?
Got it. No more thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
What you wrote was basically the story of the first thirty-some years of my adult life. The only things that broke me out of it was that my gf to be was not an introvert.
I'm very happy for your success. :happy:

Although I can't imagine another nine years of missed opportunities and continued isolation.
I really need to work on breaking all the negative thinking patterns and anxieties holding me back...
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Heh, try having a manic phase asking out random girls in the middle of the street one after another and to your surprise walk away with fifteen phone numbers just to throw them away and go dance around a pole by yourself falling on your ass and get beat up by a group of punks and then left depressed at the corner of seven eleven realizing you're in the wrong fucking city with no fucking money what so ever because you spent it all and or gave it all away to beggars... if you read this out loud, did you breath, once? That's how I talk when I'm in my manic phases. What a charmer <_<

But yeah, I'm a long way from 19 years old now and I restrain myself a lot because if I become manic the downfall makes me close to if not suicidal. Just saying, if you don't suffer from any major mental disorders you can work on your self-esteem by just, I don't know, try going to a different city with your closest buddy, have a drink and cheer eachother up, boost eachothers ego's instead of draging it down.
I'm absolutely going to try this.
 
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