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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sometimes it seems to me that with this much influence there comes a price. Almost a responsibility...So, I thought I would share something that really frustrates me and see if any of you ENFJs out there experience the same thing or have other frustrations.


My Frustration: When I am seriously processing something....(going through all the possibilities, cause and effect, random chances, possible emotional fall out, environment, weather, color of the sky, time of day...ect..ect..) I get really quiet and people around me complain. They complain that I am not "happy" or that I am too quiet. I have had people who have said that they depend on me to bring up their spirits. They ask me if I am OK over and over, and will not take "Yes, I am just focusing" as an answer. Most of the time I generate a lot of energy. My mood affects everyone around me, and I am aware that lowering my output can cause a dip in morale, but lord...it is exhausting!

Some days I do not want to be the cheerleader, one person support group, or the one that enables everyone else to get a boost or level out. Somedays,...I just want to be held or left alone to figure it out.

Yes?
 

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Sometimes it seems to me that with this much influence there comes a price. Almost a responsibility...So, I thought I would share something that really frustrates me and see if any of you ENFJs out there experience the same thing or have other frustrations.


My Frustration: When I am seriously processing something....(going through all the possibilities, cause and effect, random chances, possible emotional fall out, environment, weather, color of the sky, time of day...ect..ect..) I get really quiet and people around me complain. They complain that I am not "happy" or that I am too quiet. I have had people who have said that they depend on me to bring up their spirits. They ask me if I am OK over and over, and will not take "Yes, I am just focusing" as an answer. Most of the time I generate a lot of energy. My mood affects everyone around me, and I am aware that lowering my output can cause a dip in morale, but lord...it is exhausting!

Some days I do not want to be the cheerleader, one person support group, or the one that enables everyone else to get a boost or level out. Somedays,...I just want to be held or left alone to figure it out.

Yes?
Guilty...... I was yelled at by Dad when I was a kid because we went to Disney World and I was very calm. I was like I am just enjoying my time. He questioned as if I was lying that I was happy. I was very happy but he expected this vocal, running around lunatic like enjoyment instead I was laid back and quiet.
 

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I'll third that. I am always relied on to be the "upper" and to keep things smooth. At Christmas dinner I get seated between my 98 year old grandfather and my 10 year-old awkward cousin and across from the weird aunt...
When I have a contemplative spell- I repeatedly am asked if everything is all right to the point where I start to feel grumpy- even if I hadn't been originally...:confused:
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have done that too! It is almost like if I walk into a space/environment and it feels "stagnant" or "empty" I feel like I have to move it or fill it with something stimulating. BUT....If the space/environment is already flowing or highly stimulating I tend to relax and watch. The only time I am lost is when I have been absorbed by some subject, complication, or drowning in emotional turmoil. To which, (like all ENFJs) I can find the lesson or silver lining, and talk myself out of being mopey or emo, thus saving myself from cutting my wrists with blades of grass.

:D
 

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Agreed, i'm always so happy and energetic and what not that when I just relax and absorb the moment or I start focusing on some far off thought people wonder if I'm okay. I get really quiet when contemplative.
 
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still contemplating my ENFJ-ness...

do you guys bottle-up anger and sadness, and then one simple thing can push you over the edge, and you snap?

i do that :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Yes, I am experiencing it today in fact ...*smile*
I often feel guilty when I am angry because my brain naturally involves itself into a process of what I am responsible for, what the other person may be experiencing that caused the situation, and a belief that time can heal anything. However, while I am doing that I often forget to express that energy the "feeling" generated, and then all it takes is one more vulnerable moment to send me off a deep end.

Most things I can handle...but the belief that I can handle things is exactly what sets me up for days like today...
*sigh*
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Well Thank You! I appreciate it :D I took my own advice and directed my angst into a walk.

Question: When ~you~ (all of you lovely ENFJs) get really upset/super emotional...Do you ever feel like your body gets tight and you feel like you need to walk, or wring out in some way?
 

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Sometimes it seems to me that with this much influence there comes a price. Almost a responsibility...So, I thought I would share something that really frustrates me and see if any of you ENFJs out there experience the same thing or have other frustrations.


My Frustration: When I am seriously processing something....(going through all the possibilities, cause and effect, random chances, possible emotional fall out, environment, weather, color of the sky, time of day...ect..ect..) I get really quiet and people around me complain. They complain that I am not "happy" or that I am too quiet. I have had people who have said that they depend on me to bring up their spirits. They ask me if I am OK over and over, and will not take "Yes, I am just focusing" as an answer. Most of the time I generate a lot of energy. My mood affects everyone around me, and I am aware that lowering my output can cause a dip in morale, but lord...it is exhausting!

Some days I do not want to be the cheerleader, one person support group, or the one that enables everyone else to get a boost or level out. Somedays,...I just want to be held or left alone to figure it out.

Yes?
Absolutely annoying. I hate when people complain about me being quiet and interrupting my line of thoughts. I really hate it when they especially think something is wrong or I'm thinking something negative about their presence or just feel dissed because of my inattention. :frustrating:
 

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Although I'm a filthy INFP imposter, I can absolutely relate to what you ladies and gents are saying. Quite often I require a little bit of quiet time to recuperate... which inevitably leads to "What's wrong with you?" and "Why have you got a face on?" I can be in the best mood ever but people assume that because I'm quiet, I'm grumpy.

Fortunately I don't have the added pressure of being the one that keeps everyone up (although people do look to me for optimism most of the time!) so I more than likely don't experience it to the same extent you do. It's still bloody annoying though ;\
 

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yeah i like to go into thought some times and people almost always worry that im depressed or something because usually i'm energetic and talkative.
 

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Well Thank You! I appreciate it :D I took my own advice and directed my angst into a walk.

Question: When ~you~ (all of you lovely ENFJs) get really upset/super emotional...Do you ever feel like your body gets tight and you feel like you need to walk, or wring out in some way?

Yeah, I sometimes just sit and write music or something though when that happens or just panic for a few minutes lol



I get frustrated when people don't want to listen to my own problems, you know? We listen and help with everyone elses but it seems that no one is there to listen to ours.
 

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I'm not an ENFJ but I can relate to wanting some alone time when I'm trying to figure something out. Naturally I'm pretty quiet to begin with though so usually people do not complain when I'm feeling this way.
 

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Goodness, I always internally complain about this. Whenever I just stay quiet for a couple of moments because I'm thinking of something, people usually get alarmed and ask whether I'm sad, depressed, or angry and not talking to them. I mean, really? One can't have a moment of peace to process things around here? >_< :/

I suppose that's the negative side of being too happy almost all of the time; deviating from your normal, usual cheerful self, is alarming to most.
 

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I totally can relate to this. sometimes I just wish they know that I'm okay even though I'm quiet or not smiling
 

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Question: When ~you~ (all of you lovely ENFJs) get really upset/super emotional...Do you ever feel like your body gets tight and you feel like you need to walk, or wring out in some way?
Yeah when I'm angry/emotional I need to do something like walk with my music blaring or even just do something to keep myself busy so as to not focus on what's making me feel the way I am. I really just go to my music whenever I need to calm down since most of the time I have a song I can listen to and make myself feel a little better.

When I get really mad though I do get really quiet but yes when I'm just thinking something through sometimes and I'm not truly mad people do ask what's up, though in my case sometimes it really is me trying not to explode on people (something I really try to avoid).

~EBD
 

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Well Thank You! I appreciate it :D I took my own advice and directed my angst into a walk.

Question: When ~you~ (all of you lovely ENFJs) get really upset/super emotional...Do you ever feel like your body gets tight and you feel like you need to walk, or wring out in some way?
Yes!! I work out or go out dancing. I've read a few places that exercise is the most common way to de-stress for ENFJ's.
 

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This one is new to me. I know three ENFJs and they always ask me what's wrong/why are you so quiet when I"M in my thinking mode. I've known one of them my entire life and I've never seen this state of mind from them. They're usually happy, cheerful, and full of laughs around me.
 
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