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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(Warning: will be quite LONG post, and DEEP personal sharing of my life! only for those who're really interested & sincerely willing to help!)

I guess it's time for another blatant sharing..
And honestly speaking, I don't know where else I could share this other than with you fellow INFPs, where somehow I feel that you guys are probably the one who have and will understand me the best, of my dilemma.

I try to keep this short, basically, I'm now 28, jobless (I'll tell u more below), and worse, feeling goddamn 'stuck' deeply with ironically my own sense/value of idealisms. It really seems that at this point, I don't really know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing in Life, whereas the most depressing view I guess is seeing how one by one, all my highschool and other friends, and cousins, seem to get married, some have nice well-paid 'practical' job (without fucking have to think about all the idealisms things I'm stuck with, also more on this below), and basically just seemed to settle down.
I swear to God that really at this point of time, I could play Keane's song "Everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same" a hundred times, and still won't get bored, because I can really freakin' relate with it, so much!!

So here's briefly a quick history of my Life: graduated in a major that I unfortunately didn't have any interest at it just because to "please my parents & big family" (ie:Business Finance & Management Degree) as young as 20 yrs old (and 'unfortunately', with quite a high GPA of 3.40 something, which seemed somehow to let majority of people to think that I'm smart and will be GOOD working in banking/investment system. I disgress); then went straight back home (my 2nd biggest mistake) to 'naively' just work in my family-business for SEVEN years (yes it's that long) since year 2003, but it only kept getting worse & worse (should've listened to my heart more at that FIRST or 2nd year, and just GO with my heart to quit!).
And then the climax point: last August, right after my 28th b'day, just suddenly quit from the business, some are not surprised at all (ie: my cousin & my uncle, they somehow already knew this day going to come!), but some are just surprised & shocked (ie: my family, some friends of mine).
Some praised my HUGE decision, and my guts (finally!),
while some raised eyebrows and kept asking "are you sure you're doing this?..."

The Problem/dilemma:

I think perhaps it's due to my INFP nature (or have I been using my "INFP" as a solid excuse??),
but when I was a young kid, I used to look at the stars, went to library and read ANY astronomical books, UFO, Black Holes, as early as primary school (where other boys are busy playing soccer & girls), and wanted to become an Astronout or something like that.
Then, actually since my college/uni years, up until NOW even, my *Creative* side have somehow sparked so much in me, that my utmost dream/goal in life is to become a Musician/Composer/Songwriter, but always want the 'imaginative', 'out-of-this-world' , and also 'inspiring, changing lives' type of music at the same time.

But NOW, after I just quit from my seven-years family-business (plus four-years of 'wrong' major/field of study), that now it seems that I am FREE to CHOOSE what I really want to do/achieve in Life, the funniest and actually damn freakiest thing suddenly happened:
I fear that even I still have some doubts of whether I could STAND and stay STRONG (& consistent & focused!) in the Musician path!
You know,..especially with the current music "industry" (oh how I just hate this word) that seems to overemphasize more of the Image (more than the Music itself), quick-selling often bland, uninspiring songs about sex, sex, and more sex, and all the promotions/marketing stuff and all the 'tricks' and 'jostles' it seems I *HAVE* to do, IF I want to be "succesful" in the current music industry....ugggh!!

Also, I fear if it's somewhat NOT going to CHANGE so much of this world. ie: you know how there're already many many poets, musicians and artists kept singing, writing and 'lamenting' and 'screaming' their honest soul & hearts about the wrongdoings of humans, this including Michael Jackson singing powerful songs like "The Earth Song", "Heal The World", until John Lennon's "Imagine", etc etc,
but it seems that -unfortunately & sadly- Humanity still doesn't learn much from their cryouts and 'advices' !

Many people in this world still seem to CARE less about what's really giving a MEANINGFUL CHANGES for Humanity, and their beloved blue Planet & nature, but instead alas, they seem to become more greedier, more 'commercial/money-oriented', materialisms, and even inhumane!! (the 'costs' of advanced technology & global economy??...)

Hence, here I am now, 'stuck' and damn CONFUSED as: "what I should really do??", basically, to be able to bring about Meaningful Changes (instead of 'meaningless' and most especially DESTRUCTIVE focus on the wrong things) to this world, our planet, our civiliization.

But the more I go from day to day, confused as from "where should I really start again" ,
the more it appears that I seem to be 'stuck' with my OWN Idealisms idea,
ideas of HOPE, ideas that there's still some rays of HOPE in Humanity, our species, to use our great power to unleash a great change for our planet, and as earthling civilization!

But damn,...at the same time, REALITY keeps knocking the door that I simply can't ignore it,
and this can ranges from things like: my parents' expectations and 'standard' mainstream criteria of SUCCESS in Life (ie: financially, good secure stable REAL job, happily married, have kids, have house, have cars, and that's it!), the issue of MONEY (as always), and all many other 'practical' stuff, which unfortunately I seem to be very BAD at it.

.
I don't know...
I guess my question would be two things:

1. Have any of you INFPs ever experienced feeling like this, ie: 'stuck' with your idealism/Value, that ironically & unfortunately, often does more 'harm' and hampering your Life so much because of being 'stubborn' and perhaps even termed by many people as being 'stubborn and strange' ??

2. What do you do to solve this 'stuck with idealism' problem?
Should I just let go of my idealisms, ie: "The world is just IS. Reality is just IS. so don't worry so much about CHANGING the world, it just WON'T happen??...especially NOT by only ONE 'weird, odd' person screaming his heart out??"
Or, is it still possible perhaps to combine & integrate my own Idealism/Value into practical CAREER and ACTIONS/Planning? What about with my 'Musician' dream?
and from where should I really start, instead of only 'talking-and-thinking' and thus forever 'running-in-circle' and stuck with my own 'stubborn' idealism-talks?...

All I really want is to be able to get out from my rut/'stuck' condition,
and able to GROW, at the same time, be able to bring out and be the Meaningful CHANGE to 'fix' this current state of humanity.
Please tell me that it's still possible.... (or is HOPE for Humanity really have already mostly lost, in our era?? with all the shitty capitalisms, money-grubbers, corrupt politicians, that ALL doesn't seem to care about what's really utmost important: to build a better Earth and civilization?)

Any kind of opinion or advice is urgently appreciated at this current point of my Life.
Heck, I'm already 28, seems like I can't play around with my life (and disappointing many people) anymore with my indecisiveness.
(although somehow I really miss those college 'carefree' days of mine,..and really wish I could go back to studying/schooling again while leaving options OPEN...dunno :/ that's for another topic I guess)

Thanks.
 

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I have felt stuck with my idealism at some point.

What I do is try to identify my wants/boundaries and then get into super-analytical mode. I analyze my past, my present, possible abstract paths that come from understanding those things, reality as it is normally perceived, the patterns I can find in other people's thinking, achievements or the roles that other people play in my life. The list goes on.

At the end, sometimes I had gone,'' screw how other people view my reality'' Haha!

The good thing about having an idealistic streak is that imagination can help with analyzing tendencies. From analyzing, I tend to find ways out. So it's a combination of N plus F plus T at work.

I'm sorry, hope this helps..at least a little :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
and btw, Carl Sagan is my hero, in case you're wondering who he is, just take a look at this video:
YouTube - Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot

This has personally brought a HUGE impact and shifts in my thinking and life,
knowing now what's really important and NEEDS to be done by us Humans species.
 
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Your pain Niki is the same as mine. I am younger than you I must admit but I am just as lost in life as you are. I am attempting the Nanowrimo challenge in less than a weeks time in the hope it will either provide some fulfilment or kickstart my life from the great slump it has been for so long. The days of school are long gone, the days where I thought I knew what I was doing, but in actuality the days where I was being forced into a water pipe where there was too much pressure behind me to move anywhere except forward in one direction. Now I am in the sea at the end, the place where there has been little direction except for my own will to swim in a direction, having no clue where to look or what I will find. But I also agree, I miss the days of carefree study and being a student (even though I was sick of the exams at the end.) Maybe I will if I find a direction or make my own.

I am sorry I can't answer your question as I'm still trying to find the answer. But you're right, we need to get out into space. That is where humanity needs to go and it will be what I would weep for if humanity were to never reach if humanity fell to its own short-sighted greed. Perhaps it will give us a fresh start, a new beginning where we could learn so much. Perhaps I am also short minded, overlooking social issues and desiring the potential release of a warmongering, savage species on a place of infinite beauty in the process of fulfilling my childhood dreams. As for me, I'm trying to overcome my short sightedness or lack of self-belief enough so when (or if) I wake up as a fourty year old suffering a mid life crisis, I will be able to reflect back and say I have found happiness or fulfilment. What would my excuse be, having had twenty years to overcome a problem and never even tried to find a solution? If a country had twenty years to avert a war and did nothing, its people would be livid. In the end, humanity may have to ask itself the same question about its short-sightedness and petty problems and greed in the light of obvious and serious problems (overpopulation, pollution etc.) which it did nothing to stop despite having so much chance, so much potential. If humanity or the Earth were to wake up completely ruined one day, having foolishly destroyed any potential or future it could have had, what would humanity's excuse be?
 

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Oh...Well, I did the people-pleasing part too...wasted about 2 years only, since I'm younger than you. :0 However, I can relate to your pain. Very much so. My family is pretty similar too.

I'm not sure...I mean, I'm sorry, I have no advice because I don't know too much about the world yet. I was planning to go to college to become a psychiatrist, and then just do it...However, if it doesn't work out for me, I'll try to rely on being a professor, or neurobiologist. Honestly, there's not many practical options that also lies in our realm of idealism. I can't find much, but I haven't been truly looking into many things. I have wanted to be an activist for quite some time, or a "practical" and stable job at something I care about (like a non-profit), because it's enough motivation for me...

You could always be a writer. :) Writing isn't the same as the music "industry" in my opinion, although I haven't researched that stuff. Heck, there are tons of options...all require some sort of risk...and none will be as perfect as I hope for it to be, due to the fucking world not listening.
 

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i'm a musician too so i think i might be able to help .
before i was in my band i would always just dream about it, and plan that someday somehow it'll all just come together.
i only had a friend who played guitar, we couldn't find anyone else for the longest time so my friends and family would always tell me how impractical it was to rely on forming a band and living off of a music career.
i would go back and forth between the mindset of " fuck everyone i can do this, i'm not giving up " to " they're right, i'll have to just settle on my future like everyone else ".
i decided i would no longer just wait around for things to happen so i came here actually for advice and i ended up finding band members on craigslist.

i think you should try and see it this way, that your idealism isn't a curse and you're not stuck in it you just need to find a way to utilize it (so through music possibly?). i used to be a people pleaser too then i just tried to hide all my interests so i wouldn't get mocked .
i would map out a plan by yourself and disregard the disapproval of others.
you only live once, be anything you want to be .
once you set your goals things will just fall into place from there.
i really hope you go for your music dreams. the world needs more intelligent and sincere artists so go for it i support it 100%.
who knows maybe we INFPs will be the next kick in the ass for the music business .
you can't change our society and all the evils in it but you can provoke thought and change individuals.
don't give up!!!


drowning myself in mystic heated wine,
AvaAdore.
 

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"Decide what is sacred to you, and put your best life energies at its service. Make that the focus of your studies, your work, the test for your pleasures and your relationships. Don't ever let fear or craving for security turn you aside."
- Starhark, The Spiral Dance

"Persistence guarantees that results are inevitable."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Every moment, humanity can be changed for the better. By changing your goal from achieving an ideal state to working towards achieving an ideal state, you can be absolutely successful. Devotion does take courage, but I believe that you have it :happy:
 
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I've been in the same boat as you in terms of being stuck in my own ideals, and while the world may seem impossible to change, I really feel like I have to at least try, like it would be the most horrible thing if I lived my whole life and didn't even change at least one person.

I don't know what the right thing for you to do is, as I'm not you, but all I can say is that I know I'd be miserable if I just did what everyone else wanted me to do, rather than what actually feels right for me.

The world is the way it is, and I have a hard time accepting that. But that does not mean that it cannot someday be something other than what it is now. People, things, this universe itself are all constantly changing. Maybe society favors things that make it really difficult to make the world a better place, but who knows. We can't know what we can do until we try.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
"Decide what is sacred to you, and put your best life energies at its service. Make that the focus of your studies, your work, the test for your pleasures and your relationships. Don't ever let fear or craving for security turn you aside."
- Starhark, The Spiral Dance

"Persistence guarantees that results are inevitable."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Every moment, humanity can be changed for the better. By changing your goal from achieving an ideal state to working towards achieving an ideal state, you can be absolutely successful. Devotion does take courage, but I believe that you have it :happy:
I love that first quote very much.
thanks for sharing! :happy:

I've been in the same boat as you in terms of being stuck in my own ideals, and while the world may seem impossible to change, I really feel like I have to at least try, like it would be the most horrible thing if I lived my whole life and didn't even change at least one person.

I don't know what the right thing for you to do is, as I'm not you, but all I can say is that I know I'd be miserable if I just did what everyone else wanted me to do, rather than what actually feels right for me.

The world is the way it is, and I have a hard time accepting that. But that does not mean that it cannot someday be something other than what it is now. People, things, this universe itself are all constantly changing. Maybe society favors things that make it really difficult to make the world a better place, but who knows. We can't know what we can do until we try.
Man, I love your last paragraph so much. you're so right, everything in this universe is constantly changing.
Even the current best-selling books like "Blink", "The Black Swan", "Dance With Chance" to name a few, all seems to agree with this! We can never able to know what our future is going to be like. Predict? yes. Know for sure? no way. So it's probably best just to keep doing our part as best as we can, and again the popular inspiring Gandhi's quote: "Be the CHANGE you want to see" yourself!

And regarding idealism, sometimes I do really wonder if it's most especially us INFPs (or NFs generally?) who have it the "hardest", that seems to be labeled as "damn stubborn, naive, even childish" as a result of keep sticking hard & firmly to our idealisms, no matter what!
I wonder if, say, SJ or NTs are usually more "go with the flow of life" or the "whatever comes in my way" attitude, as opposed to being 'stuck' even running-in-the-circle (and at worst: overwhelmingly depressed) due to holding on to our idealism and 'Hope' about this world & humanity.

and here's an interesting blog post about the whole idealism .vs. realist thing (Internet/google is awesome! :laughing: ):
RefLecTioN: Idealist VS Realist
 

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I also got stuck on Idealism a lot (I still have issue with fundamentalism). But I heard this story about a village-man digging in his house. All people think he is crazy. But then he find gold. Now the village is full of hole.

I learned to more careful about Ideals. Sometimes its made more problems than cure. For example communism in its extreme, or the Third Reich. To be Idealist is good, to be blindly idealist is dangerous. The key is allow yourself to learn and open your thought, even its hurt a lot. To constantly yell to the river because its not flow backward not good to mental health. And if the river really flow backward, maybe it bad for the river too.

World change every second. Maybe we cant change the world, but maybe we can contribute small element in that great change. Or maybe just inspire one soul.

"Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
Lao Tzu

Good luck with the music.
 
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