It sucks, hurts and is ugly

848 Views 11 Replies 10 Participants Last post by LJune, May 25, 2015

TwistedMuses

Discussion Starter · May 18, 2015

Hi guys,
I am back again, after 2 years of being here.
I was left by my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, and it fucking hurts like hell.
At certain circumstances I thought I got over him and hate him, except now I realise I still love him and care for him, when he doesn't at all.
I was with him for a year, and for the first half it was okay - both lovey dovey, did things together and etc. It got ugly when he started using drugs and got obsessed by them. Eventually, recently, after we broke up, he had to be forced into a mental hospital due to a drug overdose. There was a chance he would stay lucid for his whole life and I felt so bad for him, wanted to be with him and help.
Now he's well enough to be sent back home soon, and I don't know what to do with myself.
It hurts not to know how he's doing, and it hurts to have me updated. It hurts how he talks with everyone casually and I am left out as a bad person who doesn't deserve to be talked with...

We only talked once after breaking up, and all he said was delusional bullshit.

I've spend my last half year living at his place, now I am at my own place and trying to rehabilitate myself.
Except for when I remember that I love him, I get confused, lost and start crying. I know he has done a lot of bad for me and wasn't nice, appreciating of me enough, we didn't connect and that made a lot of problems. It just hurts to eject the person out of my life so immediately.

I've been going to work, staying and talking with people, reading a lot. Whenever I put anything down, I get swarmed with thoughts about him.
I realise how stupid it is and want to stop. I want to try to move on, but at the same time I want to know and see how he's doing.

Any advice on how to get over? I've bawled enough to be pissed off and afraid of not knowing where to go and what to do.
I need some quidance from people who had it ugly and managed to cope.
/crying rant done/

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VinnieBob

· #2 · May 18, 2015

sorry to hear about your ordeal
the important thing is you both are now sober/clean
you need to focus on yourself right now
let the past go, what is done is done
no time machine exists so changing your past is not possible
you do have the ability to change your future
go to support groups in the area
this seems like a major burden now and you must not go back to your crutch
old [drug] friends are no more, they are trouble and will try to lure you back in
it's a brave new world awaiting you to conquer it

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Vaka

· #3 · May 19, 2015

People handle things in different ways. I would find it hard to believe he doesn't care at all, some people suppress things and they come out later, other people try to hide it, and perhaps he's so taken on drugs he can't process much of anything from his real life. It's also possible he's gonna really regret breaking up later on when he's more stable with his life, which hopefully he will be

I know it's hard to let someone go who was a big part of your life, but you will eventually. Just keep distracting yourself more, hang out with your friends more than you did or with your family or whoever. Get out of yourself as much as possible. Eventually someone will come along who starts filling that place again. It's probably better for you to move on for now since he has so much destructive energy and maybe there's really no way to have a stable relationship with him like that

You might still be in a stage of idealization too where it seems like you might not be able to have that again, but you will

I don't think anyone can tell you how to get there, though. How to just get over it. You will as it goes on and you meet new people, new people who make you happy and even happier

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Ik3

· #4 · May 19, 2015

*puffs out chest*

I will be your forum boyfriend.

Any challengers for the lady's hand?

Bring it.

(just trying to make you smile)

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annago68

· #5 · May 19, 2015

I had something similar happening to me. Honestly, the best thing is to keep preoccupied. The first weeks are the worst but it gets easier with time. For me I started feeling better as soon as I realized I deserved better and that I would find someone else eventually.

All I can say is it's okay to feel miserable at first, but that things WILL get better.
STAY STRONG!

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Ninjaws

· #6 · May 19, 2015

Ik3 said:
*puffs out chest*

I will be your forum boyfriend.

Any challengers for the lady's hand?

Bring it.

(just trying to make you smile)

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aef8234

· #7 · May 19, 2015

This will keep haunting you until you talk to him.
Do it before he's gone for good, and all that's left is guilt and hate and anger.

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Slagasauras

· #8 · May 20, 2015

Ik3 said:
*puffs out chest*

I will be your forum boyfriend.

Any challengers for the lady's hand?

Bring it.

(just trying to make you smile)

I'm gay so I think I've already won this silly encounter tbh.

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Ik3

· #9 · May 22, 2015

Slagasauras said:
I'm gay so I think I've already won this silly encounter tbh.

Indeed sir.

*casts his sword at Slag's feet*

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EndsOfTheEarth

· #10 · May 22, 2015

TwistedMuses said:
Any advice on how to get over? I've bawled enough to be pissed off and afraid of not knowing where to go and what to do.
I need some quidance from people who had it ugly and managed to cope.
/crying rant done/

It takes a long time. You will go through this cycle a few times and each time it will be less intense, you will become more emotionally removed and you'll answer a new question each time. This cycle is just how the mind makes sense of the senseless and gives you a frame of reference for moving on. Yes you love and hate him and therein lies the paradox because you can't resolve to do just one or the other. Your mind will go through this sorting process until you've found a perspective that allows you to put it all behind you.

Hang in there. The epiphany will come and one day you'll realise you haven't thought about him in a very long period of time.

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Slagasauras

· #11 · May 22, 2015

Ik3 said:
Indeed sir.

*casts his sword at Slag's feet*

Nipples.

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LJune

· #12 · May 25, 2015

I thought I would have good advice for you up until yesterday when I found out I was a 7 and I was a distraction Junkie. Take what I say with a grain of salt... But 7 or not, this is what I would do. I would put on a sad album. Hell, I don't know. For me it would probably be Christina Aguilera's Hurt. Then I would put it on repeat, drink, sob hysterically, and then collapse on the floor. The next morning when my face hurt like... Ahem. When my face hurt REALLY BAD, I would sit on the floor again, put my hands on the sides of my face, and say, "He's gone. He's not here". Pause to sob a couple times. Then, "Is he coming back? Maybe, but probably not. If he came back tonight would I take him back? ...Or would I be better off forcing myself to recover and cope every day until my life moves forward and all this is past me?" Then I would let that sink in. It's hard to accept the loss of a love -- ESPECIALLY when you feel like that love has fused inside you and then ripped out.

It took me two years to get over one boyfriend I had a long time ago. Losing him changed my life... But honestly, I am a million times more amazing having grown from the strength and sorrow. One day in the future you won't feel like this anymore. You're going to be okay.

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