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Discussion Starter #1
Well...here is a confession from my part...I rarely confess stuff as Im very reserved...

well recently I've been feeling very lonely, romantically speaking. I am 16 years and have never had a girlfriend, I have not even kissed, not even a small kiss...
I "dated" 1 girl (turns out that the never considered them to be dates, but only as "hanging out with a friend") so the girl ultimately rejected me when I told her that I love her (and It was a very stupid move from my part)

I really want someone to hug and kiss >.< but girls wont look at me, never, I think that there has not been a single girl who has considered me attractive...well the need to be in a relationship have never felt so stronght...I really dont want to be 20 years old and still be a single (no offense if there is someone like that here) but there really seems to be nothing I can do about it, one of the things that I loved the most about the last girl was that she had never had a boyfriend as well (but now she has one) and its so hard to find someone like that...also its so hard to find a girl who doesnt drink or smoke or do drugs or is a complete bitch who has cheated on all of her boyfriends.



well like I said, girls rarely find me attractive...and it sucks for me because I am the perfect description of a "helpless romantic"
A friend of mine introduced me a girl like a month ago...on facebook (but they are friends irl as well) and we have talked some times on msn, and I guess that I would like to try with her, she is really cute and all...but seriously I dont want to be rejected again >.< it sucks so bad to be alone... :(
 

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I know this is cliche, but trust me on this: 16 is young. There is a very good chance that you will be fine. I hope you can find some comfort in this: the older you get, the more intense and serious the relationships are. You are better off not dating until you're 18 (I know the prospect might seem mortifying) and forging a rewarding relationship while no longer combating some of the issues of puberty, than having a plethora of meaningless relationships along the way. Finding a girl who is so ready to commit becomes more unlikely the younger they are, since a lot of them are still trying to rectify the idea of Disney Princes, Romance, and their developing sexuality. It's not your fault that they cannot fully appreciate your romantic nature, they simply have not come to understand what it means in its practical application.

You'll be fine, just wait out the storm known as adolescence.
 

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I didn't start dating until I was 19 and I received my first kiss at 19... sooooo, don't worry about it. You're still young. I'm 23 and I've only dated two guys.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
19...but...but...I want it now :( dont care if I am too young :(

I want somebody to love :crying:
 

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19...but...but...I want it now :( dont care if I am too young :(

I want somebody to love :crying:
It seems hard to wait, but it's more fulfilling to have something better later than to have something now just to have something. So many people will date someone just to be with someone. As hard as it is, if you can become comfortable on your own, in your own skin, then later when you meet someone worth your time, you'll be better prepared for a mature relationship.
 

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Yeah. It can suck.

But if you feel alone with your friends... what will prevent you from feeling alone with a lover?

Us INFJs biggest enemy is ourselves, often. I open myself up to my friends as much as I can bear until I no longer feel alone... and even then I am still too detached for most girls.

Even among the girls who aren't party girls... my aura of being detached... quiet... self-contained seems to turn them off. For all the talk of people loving the "mysterious and caring" INFJs... I'd bet they'd never notice one pass them by xD
 

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Discussion Starter #7
It seems hard to wait, but it's more fulfilling to have something better later than to have something now just to have something. So many people will date someone just to be with someone. As hard as it is, if you can become comfortable on your own, in your own skin, then later when you meet someone worth your time, you'll be better prepared for a mature relationship.
But I would like to try and see how it is before getting in a real one...not saying that I dont believe that a "first relationship" cant become into a successful marriage, but I guess that I also want "a bit of the cake" before getting the present.

Yeah. It can suck.

But if you feel alone with your friends... what will prevent you from feeling alone with a lover?

Us INFJs biggest enemy is ourselves, often. I open myself up to my friends as much as I can bear until I no longer feel alone... and even then I am still too detached for most girls.

Even among the girls who aren't party girls... my aura of being detached... quiet... self-contained seems to turn them off. For all the talk of people loving the "mysterious and caring" INFJs... I'd bet they'd never notice one pass them by xD
well friends are nothing like girlfriends...you cant romantically love your friends, or you actually can, but I dont, as I am not gay and I dont feel attraction to my female friend. so there is a huge gap (at least for me) between friend and girlfriend
 

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Us INFJs biggest enemy is ourselves
This is so true. We have to be honest with ourselves and our feelings. Trust me, it starts there. This is coming from somebody who only recently started doing this.

I thought I had depression for a while. I was diagnosed with it, but guess what? I don't. I was holding myself back and listening too much to people who told me that something was wrong with me. I did not understand myself.

But now I do. You can too, as long as you are honest with yourself. And remember this, if you are lonley- seek out other people. Do not wait for them to come to you.
 

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I am 24 and have been on one date. Never had a girlfriend. Sorry I don't have advice, but good luck to you.

I had some of those feelings when I was 16. For me, I decided that I would use that energy towards studying. I'm not the brightest guy, so that evergy definitely paid off for me.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
This is so true. We have to be honest with ourselves and our feelings. Trust me, it starts there. This is coming from somebody who only recently started doing this.

I thought I had depression for a while. I was diagnosed with it, but guess what? I don't. I was holding myself back and listening too much to people who told me that something was wrong with me. I did not understand myself.

But now I do. You can too, as long as you are honest with yourself. And remember this, if you are lonley- seek out other people. Do not wait for them to come to you.
I always seek, I never wait for them to approach becase I know that chances are they wont come after me. and I yet have not found
 

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Try not to confess your love out right. Build up to it. Ask someone on a date and take it from there. I didn't have my first kiss or my first time until I was 19 (last year). Everything will fit into place :)

Enjoy the "now" and don't dwell on the negatives.

And i actually wrote this on a friends profile today in response to this quote:

She put
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
I responded
I think that's so false. Only through our mental state we call sobriety, do we fool ourselves in thinking that we are alone, when in actuality everything and everyone is connected in someway. Through other states of consciousness(ie through drugs or religion...etc), you'll see that there is no such thing as being alone; that is the true illusion and it is our job to see past it.
Cheer up! :)
 

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I always seek, I never wait for them to approach becase I know that chances are they wont come after me. and I yet have not found
Keep looking.

..but like others have said, you are still young so hang in there. I wasn't ready at your age.

I am now, but it's a recent development.
 

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But I would like to try and see how it is before getting in a real one...not saying that I dont believe that a "first relationship" cant become into a successful marriage, but I guess that I also want "a bit of the cake" before getting the present.
Hey, I'm just a couple of years older than you, and I remember feeling like this. I just wanted to be with someone, because being alone does get old. But trust me on this one, just be yourself and have fun with life. Relationships will come, and there's probably a better chance at that if you don't come across as just wanting to be with anyone. So yeah, just enjoy yourself :)
 

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I agree, rejection sucks. Getting rejected sucks. And having to reject other people also really sucks. Everybody feels bad at the end :(

My advice would be don't approach girls as romantic interests, but try approaching them as friends first. If you make it very obvious that you are approaching the girl as a romantic interest they can get spooked (just ask ENFPs about it ;)). But if you show interest in them as people you stand more chance of not getting rejected but getting to know them more closely and then may be something will grow out of it.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Try not to confess your love out right. Build up to it. Ask someone on a date and take it from there. I didn't have my first kiss or my first time until I was 19 (last year). Everything will fit into place :)

Enjoy the "now" and don't dwell on the negatives.

And i actually wrote this on a friends profile today in response to this quote:

She put

I responded

Cheer up! :)
:S I always "build up" the relationship, im not the guy who likes a girl and then just goes and says "I THINK I LOVE YOU!"

I agree, rejection sucks. Getting rejected sucks. And having to reject other people also really sucks. Everybody feels bad at the end :(

My advice would be don't approach girls as romantic interests, but try approaching them as friends first. If you make it very obvious that you are approaching the girl as a romantic interest they can get spooked (just ask ENFPs about it ;)). But if you show interest in them as people you stand more chance of not getting rejected but getting to know them more closely and then may be something will grow out of it.

I never "approach romantically" I always start as friend and get stuck at the friend zone
 

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above poster has a good point about approaching as friend and then getting stuck in friend zone. It's happened to me before. Isn't that where the "but I was a nice guy...why didn't she like me" thing come about? When she accepted you as a friend then when you express your feelings much later they are taken back and surprised.

Just presenting the other side. =)
 

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As others have said before me, you are rather young. I was eighteen before I had my first romantic fumblings (including my first kiss...which was rather awkward. Come to think of it, my entire youth/young adulthood was a bit awkward... but I digress), and 22 before I had my first relationship. I know that feeling of intense desire, that notion that you will never experience romance or love. Believe me, it will come.

As for no girls finding you attractive, I truly doubt that this is the case.This is in your head, as it was in my head regarding my appeal, and likely the head's of many INFJs here. I think that often our shyness, intense emotion, selectiveness, and less than robust sense of esteem interfere with our natural intuition when it comes to evaluating these sorts of things about ourselves. I remember thinking the same thing in high school, yet years later women admit that they had a crush on me. I was (and still am, usually) totally oblivious to these sorts of things.

We are hard to approach, and it is even harder for us to do the approaching. The greater majority of the women I have dated approached me. And believe me, I have been through long dry spells, years, where I did not think that I would make it. All it takes is the right girl to be struck by your nature.

My advice, try to take things slowly. Don't rush in. Let things grow organically. It is hard, especially when the attraction is strong. How do things feel with this young woman on facebook/msn? At the very least she is interesting to talk to. Perhaps things can develop from there, gradually.
 

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I forgot to mention something. Someone gave me this advice and I think it's pretty good. Basically, spend time developing yourself (interests, goals,etc.) and probably when you have a few things going on and going for you, you'll meet some people who you might like to get to know who are into similar things that you are into.

So maybe shift your focus from feeling lonely and wanting a girl to fill the void, and fill it with other things. You have a lot of time.

At 24, I feel like it's probably time soon (if that's what I decide to do).
 

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Come on, who really cares? It's just an internal need to eventually reproduce. Move past that. Love for the sake of loving. Who cares about kissing? It really just makes you seem kind of whiny. I mean, I'm a whiner- I'll admit it. But you have to face that. There are bigger problems, bigger more interesting things then "romance". And by the way, girls say they like the hopeless romantic thing, but it gets old really really fast. What's the point? The evolutionary idea of a man, is someone to protect you, not someone who isn't even confident with himself.

Want to know real love? Watch E.T. It's all in the Age of Innocence. When you're young. You'll find someone anyways, I mean there are 6 billion people alive. I'm sure you'll find one. I won't, because I want someone that cares and I can care for- and that's a lot more than hugging and kissing. So you have hope! Most girls aren't total bitches, where the hell do you live?

Sorry if I'm harsh and hypocritical. that's just how I roll. Emphasis on the J in INFJ here. And who cares about attractiveness? Sure people find me attractive here and there, but no one will go out with me because they feel like a pedo. (I look around 12 in real life). But it gets me free meals! So, you have to look on the bright side of things, even though that didn't make much sense, you get what I mean. And facebook is lame, that's not romantic at all. Though it might be helpless, it doesn't take out the lame. How about meet some girls in real life? Sure, you know them. But be chivalrous. Quit searching for the perfect love, and try to become the perfect lover instead.

She's really cute? My goodness, your idea of love is quite ridiculous. (I know that's not what you said) But what if she was ugly? I mean, think of it this way.... you're not different than anyone else. If a girls a bitch, she's a bitch- but you've GOT to love people for who they are, not your fantasies of who you want them to be. That's not even alone- you're not making much of an effort from what I can tell. Just because you don't have a screwing partner- does not make you alone. I know you didn't mention anything about sex... but please- you're a sixteen year old boy. I'm fifteen. I knows....

Anyways, I'm really sorry for being harsh- but not sorry enough to delete any of it.
 
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Discussion Starter #20
Come on, who really cares? It's just an internal need to eventually reproduce. Move past that. Love for the sake of loving. Who cares about kissing? It really just makes you seem kind of whiny. I mean, I'm a whiner- I'll admit it. But you have to face that. There are bigger problems, bigger more interesting things then "romance". And by the way, girls say they like the hopeless romantic thing, but it gets old really really fast. What's the point? The evolutionary idea of a man, is someone to protect you, not someone who isn't even confident with himself.

Want to know real love? Watch E.T. It's all in the Age of Innocence. When you're young. You'll find someone anyways, I mean there are 6 billion people alive. I'm sure you'll find one. I won't, because I want someone that cares and I can care for- and that's a lot more than hugging and kissing. So you have hope! Most girls aren't total bitches, where the hell do you live?

Sorry if I'm harsh and hypocritical. that's just how I roll. Emphasis on the J in INFJ here. And who cares about attractiveness? Sure people find me attractive here and there, but no one will go out with me because they feel like a pedo. (I look around 12 in real life). But it gets me free meals! So, you have to look on the bright side of things, even though that didn't make much sense, you get what I mean. And facebook is lame, that's not romantic at all. Though it might be helpless, it doesn't take out the lame. How about meet some girls in real life? Sure, you know them. But be chivalrous. Quit searching for the perfect love, and try to become the perfect lover instead.

She's really cute? My goodness, your idea of love is quite ridiculous. (I know that's not what you said) But what if she was ugly? I mean, think of it this way.... you're not different than anyone else. If a girls a bitch, she's a bitch- but you've GOT to love people for who they are, not your fantasies of who you want them to be. That's not even alone- you're not making much of an effort from what I can tell. Just because you don't have a screwing partner- does not make you alone. I know you didn't mention anything about sex... but please- you're a sixteen year old boy. I'm fifteen. I knows....

Anyways, I'm really sorry for being harsh- but not sorry enough to delete any of it.
First of all...calm down

Come on, who really cares? It's just an internal need to eventually reproduce. Move past that. Love for the sake of loving. Who cares about kissing? It really just makes you seem kind of whiny. I mean, I'm a whiner- I'll admit it. But you have to face that. There are bigger problems, bigger more interesting things then "romance". And by the way, girls say they like the hopeless romantic thing, but it gets old really really fast. What's the point? The evolutionary idea of a man, is someone to protect you, not someone who isn't even confident with himself.
I would like to actually kiss someone before saying something like "kissing sucks" or "kissing is bullshit" I cant talk of something if I dont know about it, so yeah I would like to try before judging. and we have way too different ideas about love...it seems to me that you think that love is unexistent or something like that...but for me its not, you just have to find the right person.
Want to know real love? Watch E.T. It's all in the Age of Innocence. When you're young. You'll find someone anyways, I mean there are 6 billion people alive. I'm sure you'll find one. I won't, because I want someone that cares and I can care for- and that's a lot more than hugging and kissing. So you have hope! Most girls aren't total bitches, where the hell do you live?
no offense to all the guys who posted here...but it seems that a lot of people didnt find someone until they were 20+ and I really dont want to walk that path...a relationship is far more than hugging and kissing I am very wary of that...
and I live in a place where almost every girl, sadly, think that its cool to drink alcohol or smoke or use drugs or have sex (even though they are underage) and that cheating on a couple is nothing serious and that it can be done multiple times without any consequence.

Sorry if I'm harsh and hypocritical. that's just how I roll. Emphasis on the J in INFJ here. And who cares about attractiveness? Sure people find me attractive here and there, but no one will go out with me because they feel like a pedo. (I look around 12 in real life). But it gets me free meals! So, you have to look on the bright side of things, even though that didn't make much sense, you get what I mean. And facebook is lame, that's not romantic at all. Though it might be helpless, it doesn't take out the lame. How about meet some girls in real life? Sure, you know them. But be chivalrous. Quit searching for the perfect love, and try to become the perfect lover instead.
Dont worry, its cool to vent sometimes, Im not mad at you or anything.
and I care about attractiveness...I would not date a camel ugly girl...and I know that most girls wont date a camel ugly guy.
When I was going on a date with a girl, the last thing I thought about was "woohoo im gonna be a gentleman and buy her a free meal!" and Im sure that she didnt said "woohoo free meal!" (she wouldnt even let me pay for her movie ticket)

and what is wrong with meeting people over facebook? a friend of mine met her current boyfriend over facebook and they look like the happiest couple ever...this is the 21th century...we have internet, why not to take advantage of it? after all real people use facebook, its not like the internet is used by robots to entertain...and besides the girl that I said I met over facebook is an actual friend of some of my friends...its not like its a girl I will never see irl, as a matter of fact im sure I have already seen her once or twice.

using facebook is also real life...and texting is also talking...because you are meeting and talking at people THROUGH the internet but they ARE talking its not some automatic answering machine...its way easier to meet someone online than to do it irl...mainly because I am 16 so I really dont go out on friday night to clubs or anything (and even if I had the age, I wouldnt do it as I dont like those places)


She's really cute? My goodness, your idea of love is quite ridiculous. (I know that's not what you said) But what if she was ugly? I mean, think of it this way.... you're not different than anyone else. If a girls a bitch, she's a bitch- but you've GOT to love people for who they are, not your fantasies of who you want them to be. That's not even alone- you're not making much of an effort from what I can tell. Just because you don't have a screwing partner- does not make you alone. I know you didn't mention anything about sex... but please- you're a sixteen year old boy. I'm fifteen. I knows....
No one ever said that my idea of love was just "being physically attractive" you also need a personality...and yeah, she IS really cute, she is very very cute physically speaking (and according to my friends she also has a cute and great personality)

I would never love a girl if she was a bitch...do you think that I would say something like "Oh yeah she had 4 boyfriends simultaneously and none of them were aware of the others...but it will be different with me, I know she is a bitch but I gotta love her for how she is" hell no, I stay away from that kind of girls...as soon as I know that a girl smokes/Drinks/has cheated on boyfriend, its a complete turn off for me...

they are not "fantasies" they are STANDARDS...and my standards are very high...as you said that you were showing up the J of the iNFJ...im showing the perfectionist spirit of the INFJ...yeah im very perfectionist and have very high standards and I already met girls that fit into those standards, so they are nothing like a "fantasy"
 
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