Hmm. I have an INTP and we've grown pretty close. Really, close, actually. And I'm sometimes put off by his... INTPness. He'll seem to grow cold, or push me away when he decides that we're too close for comfort. Or, like you mentioned, just show a little Ti detachment. It doesn't bother me, though, since I understand that that's just... how he is. He doesn't mean to hurt me or annoy me or anything like that. And afterwards, when he's done something that he thinks might have offended me, he's open to talking about it if I want to. I don't usually want to, though. I'm pretty easy, he doesn't even have to apologize and has kind of stopped. But anyway! I enjoy understanding people, or at least doing the best I can to understand them, and I think many ENFJs are that way. Talking to her about it, if you're comfortable talking to her about it, could really help, IMO. She'll possibly be interested in learning a bit more about you, and you'll help her see that you're not trying to be difficult and it just makes things so much... sweeter. Figuring out my INTP takes a lot of time, but he's pretty patient with me and we grow closer every day because of it. Like all relationships, it shrinks and expands and shrinks and expands. But every change is a lesson learned.
Going back to the ex is kinda sucky. You might want to figure out what you think of that, or how you feel about it, or however you'd like me to word that. Could be that she just wants some stability, even if it's at the cost of something she wants more. Stability feels like safety, and safety feels like being yourself, and being yourself feels like happiness.
Disclaimer: This is all just my opinion, based on not very much information. So, you know, I could be way wrong. I just don't think it's a lost cause. Communication really is the key to most metaphorical doors. I could rant about that, but I've already said more than I needed to say. Good luck!
