[Manic Prosimian]

I had an argument with a former 'friend'. She's very perceptive when it comes to people [INFJ], and she made an astounding revelation about me. Its sad, but true. As a summary, I'm at the centre of my own universe. I crave the attention and sense of importance people give me, and in turn I complain about them just to boost my ego. I'm essentially a selfish creature, and I can't remember a time in my life where I wasn't self-absorbed. The only thing that matters to me is improving myself and being significant. Empathy is like on a different frequency to me. I'm not depressed, and I 100% do not have a low self esteem. Its just I feel that this person has nailed my life. In a way I'm upset because it makes me feel pathetic, but I really don't want things to change. Right now I'm facing an internal conflict. Someone give some advice, a diagnosis, a lecture... I just need words.

 

[Oleas]

We're all selfish. Some are brave enough to admit it, some aren't. What you can do to balance it out is help out others, small things here and there. Even giving is selfish, because you gain something from it: satisfaction, happiness, pride.
You have no reason to feel bad for being selfish. Try and look for some charity work, maybe? Or fight for a cause that's true to your heart. Either way, you'll never be completely selfless. Don't worry too much about it, I'm sure you're a great person. :happy:

 

[Conscience]

You know, you might feel, right now, like a selfish little brat princess. And you'll hate me for this, I promise. It's like shoving a hose that's already down your throat deeper-- But I think you need some reminding.
Not everything revolves around you. Sympathy, empathy, kindness, and friendliness is what draws genuine and deep friendships. Self-absorption, and attention needs forge shallow ones that only feed your needs for attention.
But I really could be wrong. I need to know more about it.

 

[waterviolet]

Being giving is a choice. A choice has to be made to step out of your box and invest some of your time in someone else. I think we all easily slip into a world of selfishness because afterall, we spend 100% of our lives in our world with our experiences. It may help to try and put yourself in someone else's position and to find joy in how they view you giving of your time and attention to them. Have you ever given of yourself and felt good afterwards? If you have, focus on that feeling and let that feeling be your reward. After a while, you will begin to realize those you come in contact with will reflect as much or more "giving" towards you...this is the ultimate reward and compliment. Feed their needs and they will feed yours!

 

[Nitou]

It sounds like your friend did you a favor in telling you this. Would you consider trying to be her friend still? Everyone is self-absorbed, some more than others. If you're so self-absorbed that it is interfering with your relationships, then that is a problem to solve. It's not so hard to think of others. Your world will be richer for it, especially if you can find the right people (which can be a challenge for an introverted intuitive). When you give to each other it is not 50-50 it is 100-100. If you find it so hard to give, it may be because you are very needy and wounded yourself, and if that is the case then maybe you need therapy.

 

[KrystRay]

Volunteer. Wherever you feel comfortable doing so and it will be a humbling experience and bring you back down to earth. I volunteer with the Humane Society and with Sunday School. On occasion I'll push myself out of my comfort zone and work with special needs children and that usually reallllly takes me down a notch or two...

 

[KaylRyck]

I think its amazing that you'd admit that, Manic. You seem very perceptive yourself.

I'm the same. I've a very bad habit of walking the street and internally gloating if a random young girl looks at me for more than say, 3 seconds. Not because I'm ugly. Then I catch myself because its a disgusting mindset and unbelievably self-absorbed...I know that, but its still so tempting to slip into that (destructive) pattern of thought.

We're all like that I think, whether prepared to really admit it or not.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

If it makes you so sad why not just change?

 

[The Proof]

maybe it's got something to do with one of your parents criticizing you or not giving you enough attention

or maybe you are a b***

who cares? :laughing:

 

[Monte]

Oh noooo.

There are people who haven't eaten in a week. :/

You are pretty selfish to think that this is really that big of a deal... or maybe you don't think it's that big of a deal, and you're just trying to get attention right now.

Hmmm... clever.

But seriously, you have the power to change it, do so or shut up because bitching about here for attention isn't doing anything.

 

[Angel1412kaitou]

You seem to be a wonderful person by admitting that. You should be ok, everyone is selfish. Empathy is a tough aspect of many people, but now that you have a general overview of how people view/how you know yourself, you can always improve. You shouldn't feel bad about this topic though; I don't think you are as self absorbed as you think.