Joined
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2,198 Posts
Hello guys,
I'd really appreciate any feedback on what I've written. Thanks in advance.
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
It's always been a problem. I have many, many interests and my taste is eclectic. I learn new skills very quickly. At school, I got very good grades in practically any subject. I've always believed that I can learn anything I want (and many times, I was completely right). I can get very frustrated when I meet obstacles, but I'm usually determined and stubborn enough to overcome them. However, as soon as I realise that I know enough, I move to a new thing or rediscover something I used to like a while ago. There are, though, things I've always loved: drawing and writing. While I have many ideas, plans, quick sketches, hardly anything is finished. I hate fussing over details. I'm also frustrated when my work doesn't meet my own standards. I tend to work in bursts: I can be locked in a room and work, work, work several hours in row, while sometimes I do nothing productive for days.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to produce beautiful, expressive, thought-provoking things, be it art or literature. I can see inspiration anywhere I look. I want to make people leave their comfort zones, I want them to dream big and ask questions, I want them to cry in despair and in happiness, I want my creations to haunt people's dreams. At the same time, I want to be free, independent, wise, knowledgeable, independent, powerful, creative.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I avoid everything that is dull, ordinary, cliche, boring, unsophisticated, tasteless, saccharine, mushy, superficial, predictable. I hate small talk, false modesty, power games, people who burden me with their petty problems. My worst dream coming true would be doing monotone physical labour every single day until the end of my life. I value freedom, artistic endeavours, novelty, intellect, progress, rationality and beauty.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear being ill, dying, physical pain, blindess, losing my memory and/or my mind. Being dead before I walk on the moon, before I achieve anything of importance, before I see an aurora, before I read every single book worth reading, see every work of art worth seeing... well, at that rate immortality would be a perfect choice. It's very, very unlikely given the current state of science, but it doesn't make me stop dreaming.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as intelligent, sophisticated, formidable, creative, unique, tasteful, independent, rational, refined and open-minded. I see myself as very arrogant, reserved, cold on the outside and passionate inside, perfectionistic, intense, capricious, whimsical, future-oriented, living rather in my head than in the material world, non-materialistic, constantly changing and reevaluating myself.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel best when I solve a complex problem, when I discover something which has always been overlooked, and when I learn. I love learning.
I feel worst when I let my emotions influence my decisions, when my achievements aren't appreciated, when I'm stuck and cannot control my life.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I had bad temper as a kid. I got into physical fights. Now I get angry only in extreme situations. It's often shocking for people who don't know me very well, since I can seem like a calm person. I scream, throw things etc. although it's quite easy for me to calm down after I vent my frustration.
b) I've been told I was shameless. This isn't true, of course; I tend to speak my mind regardless of the consequences and sometimes I'm ashamed of things I said (and done).
c) I isolate from people and start drawing/writing. If I immerse in something I like, the source of the anxiety bothers me less.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) Under stress I tend to become very self-conscious, moody, critical, hyper-sensitive, withdrawn and pessimistic. However, I tend to behave like I'm fine. I don't want people to see that I can break, so I turn into a hermit.
b) I've always had a knack for improvisation. I'm usually excited by new opportunities.
c) It depends. If the opponent is unworthy (an obvious troll, for example
), I ignore them in disdain. OTOH, if it's someone I like or care for, I don't mind conflict, since it usually clears the air. I prefer direct communication, hate passive-aggressive behaviour and rarely back down. I'm very quick to forgive and forget as soon as everything's over.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) When I was younger, I had a knee-jerk reaction to rebel if someone told me to do anything I didn't like/didn't feel like doing then. Now I'm fine with authority as long as they don't intrude upon my life (and if they do, I ignore them). I don't care much for politics and religion.
b) That's a tricky question. The idea of having power is tempting (although the responsibility connected to power is NOT). I don't actively seek power, but if it's given to me, I accept it.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I'm fascinated by humans, their thoughts, dreams and behaviour. I prefer to observe people rather than interact with them. I believe that no one is completely good or completely evil; people are a wondrous mix of many different flavours. I'm deeply interested in others' emotions and reactions: why do they behave the way they do? Why do they change and how? I'm drawn to contrast and intensity.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
Well, it's not really an event, it lasted long. I spend about 4-5 years of my life being clinically depressed. There were many factors, both internal and external. At first, I didn't tell anyone I felt bad; I wanted to be left alone, crawl into a pitiful little hole and die in misery. I was constantly scared: scared of people, scared of myself. I didn't recognise my own face in mirrors. Before that, I'd always been fearless (and right now, being healthy, I still am). When I started taking anti-depressants, I had a little bit more energy, but absolutely no creativity. I was a lifeless husk, completely dead inside and decided that I prefer being depressed, but being myself. I absolutely must, must, must feel creative in order to be alive.
Nevertheless, I've managed to cope with everything. Failure was not an option. Right now, sometimes I feel blue, but at least I know how to deal with those funny tricks of neurotransmitters.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I tend to trust people unless they give me a reason not to. If someone lies to me once, it doesn't necessarily mean they're completely untrustworthy. If they lie to me constantly, I reject them and erase from my mind.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
I like that I am creative, intelligent, perceptive, rational, independent, generous and not very serious.
I dislike that I am egocentric, blunt, irresponsible, hedonistic, I can't finish most things I start, I switch between being narcissistic and self-loathing in no time.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
While I tend to overlook some very obvious things, I notice facial features, personal quirks and patterns of speech (that could be because I draw people and write about people, not because it's my great talent or something).
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
I don't care much. They're strangers, after all.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
That's a tricky question. Many people told me that I had everything anyone could dream of: I've never been poor; I was born and raised in a happy, loving family; I'm very intelligent. However, I tend to take all these things for granted and I'm never satisfied with things I have. I always reach for more. Not material possessions, though; I want to see farther, climb higher, know more, dream bigger.
I'm not a native English speaker, so if anything's unclear/awkwardly phrased, feel free to ask me for clarification. Right now all I know is that I'm neither a 1 nor a 2; 3 or 9 are also unlikely. As for instinctual stacking, I'm not really sure. Maybe sx/sp?
Cheers!
P.S.: The post had been twice as long, but I edited most of my rambling.
I'd really appreciate any feedback on what I've written. Thanks in advance.
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
It's always been a problem. I have many, many interests and my taste is eclectic. I learn new skills very quickly. At school, I got very good grades in practically any subject. I've always believed that I can learn anything I want (and many times, I was completely right). I can get very frustrated when I meet obstacles, but I'm usually determined and stubborn enough to overcome them. However, as soon as I realise that I know enough, I move to a new thing or rediscover something I used to like a while ago. There are, though, things I've always loved: drawing and writing. While I have many ideas, plans, quick sketches, hardly anything is finished. I hate fussing over details. I'm also frustrated when my work doesn't meet my own standards. I tend to work in bursts: I can be locked in a room and work, work, work several hours in row, while sometimes I do nothing productive for days.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to produce beautiful, expressive, thought-provoking things, be it art or literature. I can see inspiration anywhere I look. I want to make people leave their comfort zones, I want them to dream big and ask questions, I want them to cry in despair and in happiness, I want my creations to haunt people's dreams. At the same time, I want to be free, independent, wise, knowledgeable, independent, powerful, creative.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I avoid everything that is dull, ordinary, cliche, boring, unsophisticated, tasteless, saccharine, mushy, superficial, predictable. I hate small talk, false modesty, power games, people who burden me with their petty problems. My worst dream coming true would be doing monotone physical labour every single day until the end of my life. I value freedom, artistic endeavours, novelty, intellect, progress, rationality and beauty.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I fear being ill, dying, physical pain, blindess, losing my memory and/or my mind. Being dead before I walk on the moon, before I achieve anything of importance, before I see an aurora, before I read every single book worth reading, see every work of art worth seeing... well, at that rate immortality would be a perfect choice. It's very, very unlikely given the current state of science, but it doesn't make me stop dreaming.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as intelligent, sophisticated, formidable, creative, unique, tasteful, independent, rational, refined and open-minded. I see myself as very arrogant, reserved, cold on the outside and passionate inside, perfectionistic, intense, capricious, whimsical, future-oriented, living rather in my head than in the material world, non-materialistic, constantly changing and reevaluating myself.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
I feel best when I solve a complex problem, when I discover something which has always been overlooked, and when I learn. I love learning.
I feel worst when I let my emotions influence my decisions, when my achievements aren't appreciated, when I'm stuck and cannot control my life.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
a) I had bad temper as a kid. I got into physical fights. Now I get angry only in extreme situations. It's often shocking for people who don't know me very well, since I can seem like a calm person. I scream, throw things etc. although it's quite easy for me to calm down after I vent my frustration.
b) I've been told I was shameless. This isn't true, of course; I tend to speak my mind regardless of the consequences and sometimes I'm ashamed of things I said (and done).
c) I isolate from people and start drawing/writing. If I immerse in something I like, the source of the anxiety bothers me less.
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
a) Under stress I tend to become very self-conscious, moody, critical, hyper-sensitive, withdrawn and pessimistic. However, I tend to behave like I'm fine. I don't want people to see that I can break, so I turn into a hermit.
b) I've always had a knack for improvisation. I'm usually excited by new opportunities.
c) It depends. If the opponent is unworthy (an obvious troll, for example
), I ignore them in disdain. OTOH, if it's someone I like or care for, I don't mind conflict, since it usually clears the air. I prefer direct communication, hate passive-aggressive behaviour and rarely back down. I'm very quick to forgive and forget as soon as everything's over.9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
a) When I was younger, I had a knee-jerk reaction to rebel if someone told me to do anything I didn't like/didn't feel like doing then. Now I'm fine with authority as long as they don't intrude upon my life (and if they do, I ignore them). I don't care much for politics and religion.
b) That's a tricky question. The idea of having power is tempting (although the responsibility connected to power is NOT). I don't actively seek power, but if it's given to me, I accept it.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I'm fascinated by humans, their thoughts, dreams and behaviour. I prefer to observe people rather than interact with them. I believe that no one is completely good or completely evil; people are a wondrous mix of many different flavours. I'm deeply interested in others' emotions and reactions: why do they behave the way they do? Why do they change and how? I'm drawn to contrast and intensity.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
Well, it's not really an event, it lasted long. I spend about 4-5 years of my life being clinically depressed. There were many factors, both internal and external. At first, I didn't tell anyone I felt bad; I wanted to be left alone, crawl into a pitiful little hole and die in misery. I was constantly scared: scared of people, scared of myself. I didn't recognise my own face in mirrors. Before that, I'd always been fearless (and right now, being healthy, I still am). When I started taking anti-depressants, I had a little bit more energy, but absolutely no creativity. I was a lifeless husk, completely dead inside and decided that I prefer being depressed, but being myself. I absolutely must, must, must feel creative in order to be alive.
Nevertheless, I've managed to cope with everything. Failure was not an option. Right now, sometimes I feel blue, but at least I know how to deal with those funny tricks of neurotransmitters.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I tend to trust people unless they give me a reason not to. If someone lies to me once, it doesn't necessarily mean they're completely untrustworthy. If they lie to me constantly, I reject them and erase from my mind.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
I like that I am creative, intelligent, perceptive, rational, independent, generous and not very serious.
I dislike that I am egocentric, blunt, irresponsible, hedonistic, I can't finish most things I start, I switch between being narcissistic and self-loathing in no time.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
While I tend to overlook some very obvious things, I notice facial features, personal quirks and patterns of speech (that could be because I draw people and write about people, not because it's my great talent or something).
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
I don't care much. They're strangers, after all.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
That's a tricky question. Many people told me that I had everything anyone could dream of: I've never been poor; I was born and raised in a happy, loving family; I'm very intelligent. However, I tend to take all these things for granted and I'm never satisfied with things I have. I always reach for more. Not material possessions, though; I want to see farther, climb higher, know more, dream bigger.
I'm not a native English speaker, so if anything's unclear/awkwardly phrased, feel free to ask me for clarification. Right now all I know is that I'm neither a 1 nor a 2; 3 or 9 are also unlikely. As for instinctual stacking, I'm not really sure. Maybe sx/sp?
Cheers!
P.S.: The post had been twice as long, but I edited most of my rambling.
